The world is still spinning and I can’t stop it. It’s the funeral on Thursday. His family are moving on probate and it’s tearing me apart. It was all our life. We were so interlinked. I am not listed on the mortgage because I refused. I never wanted him to think that I would take him for anything should we ever part and that I trusted him to always do the right thing. Not that I could have ever imagined we would be in any kind of position. I now have to sit while someone comes to value our home, our life. He was my everything. He looked after the cars, the dogs my daughter. If we went anywhere he would drive he was my walking map. I liked to go in to the cold water of the lakes. He would stand at the side with the dogs and make sure I was safe,We didn’t do anything separate. We came as a pair In everything we did. His company are collecting his work stuff soon too. Everyday I just feel so overwhelmed with something I can’t describe.
Hello @Kellymet, I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you. We will be thinking of you on Thursday. 
@Kellymet We exchanged messages on another thread. This next phase will be so hard. You will feel as though your partner is being deleted in front of you but you will have no control over it and your own life is being turned upside down and ripped apart. It will be one minute, one hour, one day at a time. But you will survive. My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you Thursday.
@Mike75 Hi I remember yes.
It feels exactly like that already. I just wish it could have all waited till after we have had the funeral. It’s having people sift through what was our life. I don’t know if writing these posts are just a way to vent something it just feels so immense and overwhelming.
Thank you for taking the time
You need to vent as much of your feelings as you can. Otherwise they consume you. This is a good place as everyone knows what you feel. I had to do all my wife’s affairs and I just felt I was deleting her whole life. I had to put her photograph next to me in the end and ask permission each time to stop myself breaking down in tears or worse. Thinking of you. Lots of hugs XX
@Kellymet
This sounds such an additional trauma for you on top of losing your love.
I’m not going to be any help on practical advice but just to say, we are here to support you through any of this and to be a sounding board for whatever you need to say.
As @Mike75 says, vent as much as you need to.
Hugs and best wishes for Thursday. xxx
You are welcome. I suspect you will need to stay online here for a while. The grief which follows can be intense and all consuming. It is a good sounding board for this grief and the emotional turmoil it stirs up. There are some wiser heads than me and some much further down the road and vastly more experienced. Their advice has helped me through bad times and I’m sure it will help you. Hugs today.