What do I do

I have lost my husband in January this year from pneumonia. We have a 3 year old daughter who is severely suffering with his loss. Her behaviour is getting worse and all she talks about is him. I cry pretty much every night once she’s gone to bed and I hear her quite often crying for him in her bed too. We now have my son here too who was born in August and I’m trying to be the ‘strong’ mummy. But I’m falling part and have no idea how to help my daughter either


Hello Amanda…I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of your husband …you have been through so much going through the birth of your son without him to …hearing you say you are trying to be a strong mummy definitely needs reframing …you have been and still are a strong mummy …you are there for your children so when you say you dont know what to do for your three year old daughter believe me when I say you being there for her is key to helping her through her grief …but there is professional help to …try Winston’s wish a site for helping children through grief there are many more but maybe it will be a start…back to you …taking care of yourself is also important …I hope you have family / friends who can help …keep posting on this site to whenever things feel overwhelming …remember grief takes up a lot of energy …take a moment each day for you to refill some of the energy …sending warm wishes your way to you all.

Dear Amanda,
You have so much to deal with, the loss of your husband, having a 3 year old who needs you and a new baby - all at the same time. On top of that you are probably not being able to get the support from friends and family due to the lock-down restrictions.
I have searched for other posts where young children are mentioned, and the responses given. Here are a few of the resources and ideas that were shared:
You could contact Child bereavement UK who support parents when a child grieves:

There is also a helpful article on how to support children on the main Sue Ryder website:

At the end of the article there is a list with recommended books.
Someone mentioned that her health visitor had been very helpful.
It is good that you have come to this site.
I agree with everything Bab1 has said.
I am sure you are an amazing mum and that you will find the right way to help your little girl.

Hi Amanda my name is Ana and unfortunately happened the same with me, last January I lost my husband with a heart attack and I have a daughter with 4 years old. The only thing that I can say to you is that is a very hard time for us but for the children is worst because they don’t understand and after almost one year my daughter still waking up crying and ask for daddy. There is some days that I try to keep strong for her but another’s I just cry to but never in front of her. I just want say to you stay strong because your kids need you and just thing about what your husband do in your place big hug

Sending you lots of love Amanda01. I feel your pain of losing your husband, that is hard in its own right but it must be so hard to cope with a new baby and a grieving child that doesn’t understand what’s happened. I’m struggling and I’m 44. It sounds like you are doing a really amazing job though, even if you don’t always feel like you are. Sending you and your children a great big hug. Keep posting on here for support when you need it. I’m finding that it really does help.