My heart goes out to you all.
I am in a similar situation, I lost my husband in Feb this year, he was 67- would have been 68 last week, I’m 70.
Going through a terribly tough time just now, feel as if I’ve no future either, sobbed the whole evening away last night, so emotionally tired today.
People tell me to take a day at a time but finding it hard being alone.
My sons all have their own lives to lead and like you Lonely feel like an outsider.
The emptiness and loneliness are the worst, who called herself my best friend has backed away and is not keeping in touch.
So very sad.
It comes up time and time again - it doesn’t matter how long for some of us since our loved ones left us, we will only find that inner peace in our own deaths. And I do mourn that because I do believe life is such an amazing opportunity to be/do. But I have lost that passion for life. I derive pleasure from being creative as I have done all my life. And that seems all I do have left.
Take care.
xCarole
Sheila - I think the hand we are dealt is what determines the nature of our being.
From a very early age I have learnt about loss - from a father leaving, suicides of friends and family, my mother illness and death, my lovely 4Leggeds as well as close friends younger than myself who have died from illness.
I find myself in a catch-22! I can’t cope with any more loss and dealing with it even though I am an ‘expert by experience’ from a variety of losses. And just want to stay home within the comfort of my life here when I don’t have to do the brave face bit - weep and weed, not to make an effort for others to make them feel better. And then I want to grab hold of life and live it as I have done! But you can’t force these things - as you know.
So hard and we all have to find our own way.
It seems to be a long afternoon day! So I am going outside to whille away some time.
Take care.
xCarole
Hello J. Sorry to hear of your partner and mother I genuinely am, I know it’s easy to say, but I do know how your feeling, and suffering.
I can’t sit here and pretend I know all the answers, because I don’t, full stop.
It’s a horrid time, of future unknown. Won’t bore you with details, as I’ve already put them in previous posts.
But I am spiritual and know they are around us at times, ok, some folk may think I’m a head case, but, I’ve had some amazing experiences witnessed by others, from my Ann.
All I can tell you is, speak to them, they can hear. Be open minded and aware of signs.
Sounds silly for a man I know, but I found it easier to visit our haunts, while carrying her favourite soft teddy key fob. Just made me feel she was with me.
When you think life is at its worse, something else then comes along. My father suffering dementia, has been given two months to live… Where does it end!
Keep in touch, your not alone on this journey… John
Hello John D
Thank you for your lovely reply, it does help.
I talk to my partner while I’m out walking, I often tell him off for going and leaving me alone. I try to go to the places we both loved and sit in the churchyards where we loved to wander round and look at the headstones. Walking our favourite walks is one of the few things that brings me any peace of mind.
Taking her key fob with you isn’t silly, it was hers and very comforting.When it’s cold or wet I wear his big coat and I feel he’s looking after me as he always did.
A couple of things have happened that made me wonder “if they were meant to be”
Take care of yourself and treasure what time you can with your father. To lose 2 such important people so close is more than anyone should have to bear.
Take care, J x
Your words feel like they have come from my mouth. Exactly how I feel. 10 months since I lost my husband Mick. He was 75 & I am 70. We did everything together. We lost our son 4 years ago & that takes time to get over. I only want to be on this earth with Mick -no one else. I love my 2 daughters & my grandchildren , but they have their own lives. I want mine back. I just don’t see the point of being here with my husband of 50 years not beside me. I hate it. I hate getting up in the morning. I hate having nothing to look forward to. It’s just an endless sadness & days full of tears & pain & hurt. I want my life back. I don’t think I ever will as the reason to be here has gone. I hope you find your life again.
Hi J, I feel in a very similar situation. My husband went into hospital for what should have been a fairly common operation but I never got to bring him home. Like yourself holidays planned, financially ok, then just feel lost. I try and keep myself as busy as I can and never say no to any invite. I think this site is really good to chat to people going through the same pain. Some days easier than others, some days rock bottom. My dogs have been my life saver - perhaps this is something you can consider?
Thanku ‘lobely’ for your kind words. I feel as you do. It does help when we can actually talk to someone who knows the pain that losing your loved one brings. I just do not want to go out at all. I have friends (one who lost her husband 10 years ago-she is 80. I so admire her) she says she has never cried as I seem to & plans something to do every day. I have tried but it’s not happening for me. I could accompany her to the many wee jaunts she goes to in our village but my heart just isn’t in it. I just want my husband back-I know that’s jmpossible. I am usually a strong person but losing my husband was last straw that broke camels back-as the saying goes. I feel I am constantly moaning. There are people in this world that have reason to be so sad. I need to pull myself together. I try every day but end up feeling sorry for myself. I so miss him. Life ahead just does not appeal to me … it’s horrid! I go to bed, get up, & talk to myself or the dog or cat. My wee companions despite them preventing me from visiting afar. My brothers live far away. One of my daughters lives in Oz. I am suppose to visit-she paying for fare but travelling on my own so far away is extremely daunting at 70! My finances are not brilliant but just manage to get thru each week. I love my dog of 2 years ok- border collie - chosen b4 we received news of cancer returning & year to live for my soul mate…she is young & now obedient but they do prevent you from going places. We have one bus leaving at 8am & returning to get home by 8pm. Our nearest town is 80 miles. Lovely day out & scenery gorgeous but since lost my husband, I have little interest in anything that used to give me so much pleasure. I loved all these things so why don’t I now? Sorry for moaning. Thank you so much for chatting. Xx
Reading your messages is like writing them myself. All u say is how I feel. Am Di sorry you feel so sad, as I do but than you for your letters. Xxx
Momick, so sorry for your losses.
I lost my husband 12 weeks ago yesterday and I hate all the emptiness, loneliness and being alone all the time.
I have lost interest in most things that I enjoyed before and was his carer for 6 months which I would gladly do again.
Life is so empty without him. Days are long this time of year.
I get this feeling of desperation at times and don’t know which way to turn.
I have three sons but are all too busy with their own lives.
My sister lives too far away and much as I would love a chat does not always answer the phone. I suffer with anxiety and agoraphobia which make things very difficult.
I miss my husband so much that it feels as if part of me has been torn out.
Some days I just don’t feel like seeing anyone, other days I would give anything for company, when someone does call, I don’t want to see them leave.
Pegi X
Hiya Pegi I sympathise with you, I really do. I know this is from a man’s prospective, but I to, have lived this. Lost my wife of 46yrs, fourteen months ago, retired, and was her full time carer for over a year.
My life fell apart. Only wanted to be with her. Interested in nothing else.
Fourteen months in, and I still miss her like crazy! But, things have changed. Others in family and village, friends, some becoming bereaved, some with life threatening conditions, and I’ve realised, it’s not all about me, it’s about giving love and support to others who so desperately need it to.
Life is strange!
It is a bloomin hard job coping with our loss, and I don’t think we’ll ever get over it, but as we travel this road of grief, remember your not alone. Things will improve slowly, to where you can reluctantly cope with life without them, though it probably doesn’t feel like it will at the moment, but it will… John x
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So sorry Gwraigrich for your recent loss. The emotions u are feeling are mine exactly. I don’t want to go out any more. The loneliness is unbearable. So sorry u feeling this way. It’s horrid. Just horrid. I don’t know if what we are feeling is normal. I have read a few comments from those who have lost their partners & it seems to be the reaction we all have. I don’t want to get up in the morning to face another day alone. I could go to things with a friend but just don’t want to. I have hardly got the will to live. I love going to bed to sleep… no worries, no cares, no loneliness or thoughts. I am on strong pain medication that I don’t think help my thoughts st all. But without them I am in pain. My dog keeps me going but I just do not want to take her out. She has to go…she is young & needs exercise. We were silly to get such young dog at our age…always had one & we didn’t know then that I would be on my own. Please chat wen ever you feel down. Sometimes it helps. It’s a terrible pain & hurt we are going through. Nothing in this worl prepares you for it or can say how long it lasts. I am here if you need to chat as I am sure there are others that will too. God bless. Hope u have a ‘good’ day tomorro. If not I hope it’s better than the day before. Xx
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Hi John, sorry for the loss if your wife. Am so glad that u have at last found an escape from the emotions we go through, by helping others. Good for you. I lost my husband 10 months ago after caring for him for a year wen his cancer returned. I have lost the will to live. I have to push myself & am very lonely but part of that is my fault. I don’t make the effort. I do sometimes but just have not got the motivation any more. Keep it up John I am sure your help is appreciated. X