What have I learnt?

Yes, it feels like half of yourself has gone, I know just what you mean. Good luck this weekend, will be thinking of you. And you can always vent on here if it all gets too much, everyone on here understands. ! :heart:xxx

Hi bane. I found great comfort from this post. Thank you.x

I meant bjane not bane! X

Morning Jobar, you can call me whatever you like! How are you at the moment? It’s lovely that we can all support each other on here. Hope you’re keeping your head above water and life’s bearable for you. Covid and winter approaching don’t help, but we’ll keep going somehow! Sending love xxx

Morning bjane, (I’ll stick to that!) like,so many others I’m having difficulty in accepting that my husband is not coming back. To all intents and purposes I am functioning but everything I do it’s with him in mind. My body is
In one dimension and my head is in an entirely different one,! I don’t need to elaborate as I’m sure many others will understand. It’s coming up to one year since that terrible evening and I still think it has been a mistake and that he will be coming home. Such is the madness of grief. Our younger son is still at home with me and I can see the unspoken grief in his eyes. It’s a hollowness that others would probably miss. Our elder son phones every evening and likewise I can hear the spark he has lost.
Between us we prop each other up but I am so grateful to connect with others on this site who truly understand. It gives us a chance to not put a brave face on.xx


Yes, it’s such a relief to let that coping, cheerful mask slip. Our younger son lives next door with his fiancée and they’ve both been amazing , our other son rang today saying he’s sent some flowers as it’s six months since Malcolm died. We’re so lucky to be surrounded by such love but still the pain continues and is unbearable. . Like you, some days I don’t know if I’m coming or going and keep expecting him to materialise out of the garden or his study but other days it feels like my brain’s accepted it somehow. . But not my heart, unfortunately. Everyone says we have to learn to live a different life but how hard is that when it’s the last thing we want. What we’d give to have everything as it was , but sadly that’s never going to happen so somehow we have to try to start living again, if we can. I hope you can have a good weekend with your son. Love and hugs x


You both describe what it’s like for so many of us. We can function and others say how strong we are. I can even smile and laugh. Inside I am just a beaten up shell of the woman I used to be. It’s almost impossible to believe we will never see them again. How can that be?

What good actors we’ve turned out to be.!! Sometimes the whole thing is beyond belief and it all feels like a waking nightmare, I really have no idea how it can be. All I know is, it just shouldn’t be. Take care xx

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@bjane Our whole lives we didn’t know people walking down the street were suffering like we are now. It’s like a parallel world that’s just all wrong. Oh well we are stuck now just got to get on with it. :butterfly::broken_heart:


That’s true, John’s wife, we didn’t have a clue did we. And now it’s us. hiding our pain and trying to be brave. But somehow we will find the strength to get on with it and support each other. x


You are so right - we just act the part that everybody expects but inside we are a mess. For me it is becoming harder to play the part and so I am retreating into my own little world. We are constantly being lectured about mental health issues and how it’s ok to talk but who do we talk to ??? I can’t even get to see a GP ! Thank goodness we have this forum.

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Hi magnet I like you so not have children so I think it’s doubly worse for us because we don’t have that distraction of children ,however I do have my little doggie with has been a god send…lots of love to you xxx


How did people cope in the old days. No counselling, no bereavement forums, no books. People had to suffer in silence and not talk about their grief. It is so good that we have this community. The club that none of us ever wanted to join. It is still early days for me but I tell myself every day that I can and will heal. Saying it out loud helps. Sending hugs to you all💙


Bunuss, thinking of you and hope your weekend will be manageable! Sending love to you all and hope you sleep well tonight. We’re all in it together which somehow helps, I think. xxxx

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@bjane Although it seems impossible we do help each other. We are all in this grief and we all feel the same.

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This is such a positive message, thank you. So many good pieces of advice and support.