What I wouldn’t give …

What I wouldn’t give to have my Rob back . We met at work working on the same ward . We got married and mostly worked opposite shifts so we could bring our children up ourselves and never went out socialising our choice I know . As the years went by we would have chats about what our plans would be when we retired . We both worked right through the pandemic and never stopped , we supported with the grandkids looking after them when our kids were at work . Retirement age was creeping up on us and then one morning WHAM!!! Rob had a massive heart attack I had to do cpr on Rob and yes I did get him breathing again and gave him more time to allow the two kids to be with him in his final hours.
5 hours later I became a widow .
I have struggled with this loss and in the early days I had to get professional help as all I could think of was I wanted to be with Rob. I got through that very tough painful time.
I find the loneliness the worst part of this dreadful journey , I have many many memories of Rob .
He was my rock, my teacher, my go to person and what I wouldn’t give to have him back is beyond words

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I understand and feel your pain. We have very similar story. It’s 16 months for me and I have had to start counselling again today to try and make sense of all the emotion whirling around in my head. I feel stuck and can’t move forward. I don’t want move forward without my H. It’s so hard. I feel emotionally numb. I can’t think of tomorrow. I have to try and live in the now. I don’t plan anything as I will worry and end up not going. It has to be spontaneous and even that causes so much stress. Life feels so hard. I felt a little confidence talking to the counsellor but as darkness has drawn in I am back to scared little old me. I wonder how I am ever going to get through this life x

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I totally relate to you @Kazzer I wish I could say something wise to ease your pain but you know, as I do, that nothing anyone says can do that. R and me also met at work, then set up a business together, I loved working with him we made a great team. Latterly we worked for other companies with me eventually going P/T and Ron retiring just before lockdown!! We loved each other’s company, some would say we ‘joined at the hip’ and though we have friends we didn’t socialise much separately, our preference. 4 months ago today, R unexpectedly and suddenly went into acute heart failure. I gave him CPR until paramedics arrived, he was took to hospital but he didn’t regain consciousness.! We’d just returned 2 days earlier from a lovely holiday, it was so surreal and my world has literally ended. I can’t comprehend how I’ve even got to this point (I’m on waiting list for Trauma Therapy).
I’m not lonely for company, I just miss him, even to do nothing with. Friday nights are very tough, they were our chill out night with a few drinks, picky food and music and now sitting here alone without him feels unreal, looking at his empty seat. watching TV no music. The worse part for me is facing my future without him, plans and dreams all gone too!
I too have great memories, lots of little videos and photos and they give me great comfort when I need it. I hope you have things along with your lovely memories that bring you some comfort too Kazzer. Sending kindness and peaceful thoughts x

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So sorry kazzer, I lost my wife 4 weeks ago and am struggling, stay strong💗

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Me too. I just miss my Dave. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!

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I totally relate to you all, I lost my Sean January the 25th he was told the week before Christmas his cancer was back, and the week after new year it was terminal, I know he knew he didn’t have long, but he didn’t tell me. We just didn’t expect it to be so quickly, instead we tried to carry on as normal as we could, he made me keep going to my work as he knew it was the only way I knew how to cope with it, but now I have to live with the guilt of putting my work before him, even though it was what he wanted. I know he worried about how I was going to cope with lossing him, as he was always my Rock, I have my elderly mother to look after and realise on me, otherwise I would have taken my own life to be with him, but I know that’s not what he would have wanted for me, I have the support of a loving family behind me who are always there for me, but nothing can replace him💚 xxx

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