Its been 21 days since my husband died. I havent cried for several days. We went to the florist to choose the coffin spray. Not a wobble. I packed up some of his medical supplies to donate and even two bags of clothes. Nothing. I’m just carrying on like nothing has happened while doing stuff because he has died. Its surreal. Am I some kind of psychopath? Am I going to have some break down at the funeral or is this me now? A zombie.
Sorry i post so much.
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I feel the same, I feel I should be screaming but I’m not, I’m getting on with things, it’s like I just can’t but I’m just a year down the line, everyone deals with grieve differently and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for that, it’s so fresh and raw for you, it’s such a huge shock for your body to process, try to focus on your memories of the person you loved. My heart goes out to you xxx
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This was me I sort of went on auto pilot. Then after the funeral, nothing to focus on boom it hit and that was 7 weeks ago and it’s got worse everyday since
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@LizFar I think it’s a coping mechanism. I too questioned what was wrong with me and wondered if he could see me, would he think I didn’t love him but it’s all part of the grief trickery. I look back on the day of his cremation and question what people must have thought. I cried loads initially but was quite buoyant at the wake, meeting everyone, the game face came out. I a really pleased to see people and some old faces.
Grief is weird, unpredictable, unforgiving, questionable, thought provoking, lonely, alleviating. F*"ked up! But we still keep going, however we can.
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I have had a couple of days where I haven’t cried but I know already that I am going to have a bad day today. I just wish I could get a decent nights sleep. Grief definitely hits in waves. It affects us all differently. Just because you haven’t cried doesn’t mean you don’t care or didn’t love them. Believe me when it does hit it will hit hard and physically hurt. You are too busy in those early days. Xx
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I have learnt that grief comes in different forms and is unpredictable too say the least, like a rollercoaster and can hit you in a flash, one minute I’ll be fine then out of nowhere I’m in tears.
Don’t be angry with yourself, I’m sure your loved one will be by your side and be very proud of you however your coping xx
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Hello @LizFar, my heart goes out to you, your words resonate exactly how I felt during the first months after suddenly losing my husband two and a half years ago. It’s absolutely normal to feel like you’re a ‘zombie’, behaving like a robot, getting on with things in a mechanical way. You don’t have time to grieve, no time to cry, you feel bombarded with so much stuff to deal with, insensitive people asking for information, do this do that, sign this form, paperwork everywhere. I remember not crying when I thought I was supposed to be. First of all, the shock blocks all those emotions, they just don’t come out, it’s as if we have a natural defence system that stops us from breaking down, to deal with making arrangements, facing people who just don’t understand what we’re going through. You feel you have to be continuously occupied, to stop yourself from thinking.
You will eventually be able to cry and scream, and may I say the more you do this, the better. We must not repress our feelings, sharing with everyone on this site will help you, you will find empathy and comfort here.
Sending you strength.
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Some days this week I have felt mentally and physically so bad, I thought I was going crazy, and I had started to be doing a little better,
I am really going to try and get my act together today, which would have been my father’s 108th birthday, and take some flowers to the crematorium, walk around the beautiful grounds and think about all my family who are there.
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Morning, good for you, find a bench and just sit and reflect, take positives and remember all the good times. Hope you have a nice day x
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Morning to you, too. I am going to make it a positive day, hopefully!!! I hope you have a good day at the casual centre with Christine by your side. I think the Centre sounds perfect for you. It’s doing you good and you are helping people.
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It is supposed to be a lovely day. Find somewhere beautiful and peaceful to sit and contemplate. Love that you are going to make it a positive day.
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It certainly is and I’m loving the positivity on here this morning😊 sometime it’s difficult to find the strength to be positive. Did or does anyone feel guilty for getting on with things ? Christine would be annoyed at me if I was moping about xx
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If I’m honest, I have only really got on with things that needed doing, My husband was an extremely positive man and I want to let him see me improving. Today, I hope I take a step closer.
I got up early, dressed in clothes he liked, even put make-up on, going to the shops, buying flowers for my dad to take to the crematorium and meeting a friend for lunch.
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That’s so brave and so nice to hear 
@LizFar You’ll be okay. You will break down. It will be surreal. But I found it to be a release, it didn’t make sense. Now, strangely, it’s a favourite memory. People came together and celebrated my wife’s life. It will be okay, it will mean something.
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Theres nothing wrong with you. I’m just 7 days into this horrible journey. I agree with other replies that its just a way of coping. Who says you have to cry? When my father died I never cried, not even a moist eye, but my wife hit me more than I ever thought possible. We’re all diffferent, dont beat yourself up
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Hi Clive, I lost my partner 11 weeks since and it is an horrendous journey, I lost my Dad 9yrs ago and Mum 2yrs ago and it’s devastating but when Christine passed it was a total hammer blow, our all future just blown away
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A hammer blow is a good description Braztash. I think that the lost future is the worst thing for me. Only the day before she died we picked out our cruise and we were going to place the deposit the next day. Its devastating that life can change in the blink of an eye. I stand looking out of the window in a complete daze thinking how can I possibly make any plans again for the future when something like this happens. I just cant believe it.
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Clive, that fully resonates with me.
We’d just booked a USA road trip for next year and had started making lots of plans for it.
Hubby also had a pizza business which was really taking off & had bookings for 2024.
All our plans smashed to pieces & the sadness I feel for him not being able to do the things he loved is what gets to me the most.
I don’t have any hope at the moment - life seems somewhat pointless.
I know he wouldn’t want me to mope about but even going to the post office fills me with dread.
This is is just the worst experience isn’t it.
Life is so cruel to good people
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I know what you mean, you and I are probably both in shock. You know you loved him, it’s just such a massive loss that you can’t feel it all at once because it would be too much. You’re not a psychopath. You’re a human going through something unbelievably awful. Be kind to yourself xx
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