I can’t stop crying today.I feel sick and I just want him here.I can’t stop thinking about when we first met or looking at old photo’s of him when he was younger, healthy and could walk.I look at the last photo of him that was taken a month before he died and I can’t equate the two.What is wrong with me ? Am I losing my mind.I was in love with him young and old.I find it painful to keep reliving the past.Why am I doing it ? Please say someone can help me.
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Everything you are going through is normal. Awful for you, but a normal part of grief. It really is an emotional rollercoaster and some days will be hell and others more bearable, be kind to yourself xxx
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Tearful there is nothing wrong with you all this is part of grieving. Dont be so hard on yourself . I still look at photos and dream of happier times. Thats the price we pay for loving someone so much. Just go with it is all normal . Wish i could give you a hug sending you a virtual one 
x
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No, you’re not losing your mind. You’re life has changed and it’ll take some adjusting.
I think it’s usual to look through your life in pictures and go over memories and scrutinize it. Embrace the tearful days as they need to happen. It’s better out than in!
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There is nothing wrong with you. It is a roller-coaster journey nobody of us asked for. It is almost seven months for me now and there are days and nights that are not too bad (just a few tears) and days and nights crying my eyes out and cannot stop. Did you ask your GP to get counseling? I am on the waiting list for Mind Thurrock and also take prescribed tablets, but it also helps me to write in this forum. We are here for you. Sending love and hugs.
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We can’t forget the past , I had heard of people having happy memories but I found them very painful. I think I know how you feel, I often think I am being masochistic, punishing myself. Perhaps motivated by guilt. But now, after 15 weeks I can look through boxes of old photos, pulling some out to make an album. I too feel I am looking back at several different people, we were together 44 years. He looks very thoughtful in many of the photos, I do wish I knew what he was thinking.
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Annaessex, I am like you. I had a couple of days not so bad but yesterday was a bad one. Tearful all day long. I hate Tuesdays as that was the day my hubby passed. 13 weeks today. 
I have my first session with Basildon Mind today so hoping that will help. Not too sure though that it will get any better. I still miss him so much.
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Well Mind messed up my appointment again. I just sat on their stairs and sobbed. Really dont know if I can cope anymore feeling like this.
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Im early days for my grief and loss only 4 weeks.
I started off not too bad buring the day because i could keep busy with the miriad of phone calls and emails meetings etc associated with our loved ones passing away…
The nights were terrible though couldnt get to sleep then waking every couple of hours in a panic/shock crying myself back to sleep somtimes…
Now however im terrinle through the day because i dont have so much to do to keep busy…
I dont fancy going out or meeting people i just sit at home, i tell myself i will go out tomorrow…
I have time to procrastinate and do the shuda wuda couldas and all the regrets…
Then i feel worse then i dont want to go out even more…
The answer short term is to keep busy some how anyhow!! just something small that doesnt need much brain power but it is just doing something…
I couldnt sleep last week so at midnight i got all of my shoes out and cleaned them it took me untill about 2.30am
I was tired then so got some sleep…
Long term i have no clue, but i hope i can find a way to be less upset and sick to my stomach.
Take care all of us, its completely unfair and inhuman what has happened to us all, but we can not wind the clocks back to a time where our loved ones were not ill.
One day i will see her again sometimes hope it was sooner rather than later though…
Try to be kind and keep as strong as you can, time is the healer.
Chris.
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I know the not sleeping all to well. At first lucky if I slept an hour at a time. Now after 3 months some nights I get as much as 4 hours . You may want to speak to your doctor. I was so tired I asked for sleeping pills for a few days. Unfortunately due to a sleep condition I can’t take them. I am still pondering speaking to him about anti depressants. They seem to help some. Those very early days really are awful. Just try to be as positive as you can but go with how you feel. When you want to cry do so. I feel for you and all on this site. Xx. Sandra
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Thank you Sandra.
I have been on antidepressants since my mum died of cancer suddenly in may of this year.
They take a while to start working however i think i would litteraly be climbing the walls or chucking myself off something tall had i not have already been on them, when my wife passed away.
So do please speak to your Doctor ref this… thrrss no point making your pain any worse than it has to be…
Take care.
Chris.
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Those waves of grief just come at you thick and fast some days xxx
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Loved reading ur text 
I lost my husband five week ago
Off and on oesophageal cancer. Now feel no purpose. Don’t really know more few people
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One day at a time
Let today be what it is, our feelings each day even each hour are ours and completely normal so go with it, be kind to yourself and breathe through it. If you cry it’s what you need.
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