What’s the point in carrying on

It’s 2 months today since my whole world was shattered and I lost everything that I lived for, Julie my wife of 32 years my best friend my whole point in living she passed away on the 29th June,
Today I woke up again to this living hell, why am I having to suffer like this, without my julie I have nothing to carry on living for and just want it to end, I’m sick of friends and family saying ‘how am I, am I starting to feel a bit better, each day just gets worse and worse no body seems to comprehend what I am going through my whole life has been taken from me, I’m just a walking shell waiting for it all to end, I have no future, no life nothing to carry on for, the pain and the loneliness is becoming unbearable. I have lost my Julie and want to be with her wherever she is.

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Hi @Wayne2,

I’m so sorry to hear about Julie. Your loss is very recent and raw - I’m glad you’ve reached out for support here. You’re feeling as though nobody can understand what you’re going though, but I hope that you know that the community is here for you and you are not alone.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts and thoughts of not wanting to go on when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, @Wayne2, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,
Seaneen

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Wayne, I am sorry, I’m not going to even try and make you feel better because I can’t. What you’re feeling is how I was, absolutely nothing anyone can say or do will make a difference, I wanted to die, I saw no purpose. Everyday was a living hell!
Please, just let me say, that it does gets less painful, the pain is not all consuming and raw, it dulls in intensity.
The pain never goes away but it gets manageable and life goes on around it and eventually you work with it.

You have to walk in your shoes to understand how you feel and as helpful as friends and family can be, they will never understand what you are going through or how deep in your veins the pain goes.

Keep going, keep taking an hour or day at a time. You’ve got to 2 months and you never thought you’d get there. Keep reaching out, there’s always someone listening.

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So sorry for your loss Wayne. I can’t really add anything more than what the others have said. It really is such early days and feeling the way you do is totally understandable. Please do seek out the support you need xx

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Wayne2 its been 7 months since I lost my gorgeous fantastic beautiful wife sue.i can sympathise with you. But i made sue a promise to carry on fighting for life and I can feel sue and hear her saying come on don’t be sad i,m here for you as I know you would be for me now dry your tears you can do this.when i,m down i try to remember the good times we had.there is nothing wrong with asking for help it took me a while to realise but my family realised I was heading towards a fall in my mental health .hope i haven’t upset

Sorry all i can add is that it is hard in the first few months. The feeling of loss will never go away all we can do is try to live our lifes the way our partners would have wanted us to. Taking hours days one at a time trying to keep memories in our hearts and remember the happiness we once had.
Being on your own is hard and missing our partners presence touch smile laughter seems like so long ago no matter how much time has passed. I am only 12 weeks into this journey we have had to endure and no two days the same bad and not so bad yesterday would have been our 36 wedding anniversary and all i can say that day i was not so good. Today trying to keep positive thought going. Take care

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Wayne2. If it’s any consolation I also felt like this at the beginning! I would never have done anything drastic as we have experienced that in our family and the impact on those left behind is utterly devastating! I did hope though that maybe I could be taken by natural causes! I just didn’t see the point of carry on. However, I am 5 months down the line and although I still have really bad days and the loneliness is still there, I do have some better days now. I still find it difficult to see a future on my own but I try to imagine that my husband is looking down on me and I want to make him proud! Much love J x

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Thanks for all this help and advice, coming for people who can relate to how I’m feeling and understand the pain I’m going through, I would never harm myself as I have 2 sons in their 20 and I could never do that to them, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing that I could go to sleep one night never wake up and be with my Julie, I’m not really religious but I do hope she’s somewhere waiting for me.

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Hi Wayne2
I believe that there must be something else after death. After all memories cant just disappear. So hold onto the thought that we will be reunited with loved ones again they are just waiting for us to meet once it is our time to leave and be a couple again
Lynne

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So sorry for your loss Wayne.
I feel your pain.
My husband died suddenly 8 weeks age 58 & many days, life just feels pointless. We had so many plans.
I know he wouldn’t want me moping about but some days it’s impossible to do anything due to the emotional pain I’m going through.
Keep talking on here - I do find it helps
I’ve no support network at the moment as my family all live up North & we had no children.
My 2 dogs help but the house is so quiet.
Remember that people in here know exactly how you feel.

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Hi
I know how each of you are feeling
It is the same for most of us in early days.
I do not have any family support too my daughter is in Australia and does phone weekly but it is not the same.
Having to cope with things day to day is hard
I try to go out during the day but coming home to silent empty house is painful.
I dont have any pets have thought of a dog but not sure as planning trip to australia next year and would not want to put in kennels as have no one here to help.
I will volunteer again i used to work with Macmillan Cancer support but gave up when husband passed away 11 weeks past. Once i get over my own grief i can perhaps help others that are grieving.
If not maybe even British Red Cross or Food bank.
Take care

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I hope you’re right … that we eill meetvyhem again but it won’t be in physical form will it :frowning: wont be able to hug them ! I sometimes feel his spirit and i winder if he can see me crying for him ? But i dunno … all things i believed in before have evaporated and i dunno what to believe anymore tbh … xx

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I know that we have to move forward in the life we have left. It is not what we wanted we all had other plans. No one really knows whats ahead in the future all we can do is hope and believe that something else exists and we will meet again in another way then the memories and time we shared are not forgotten.

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@Galaxy75
I do hope you are right, I am having a moment of despair and wondering what is in store for me. This journey we are travelling is a nightmare at times. I cannot be bothered to turn the tv on this evening, crazy I know.
Sending hugs x

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Sorry Rome18 to here you are having a bad day. I had one yesterday and today TV is on just for background noise. I have not really spoken to anyone today just the doctor this afternoon.
To be quite honest i sometimes find the days long and the nights longer now.
Not looking to spending time left on my own i am only 65 and could have a few years left but who knows now. My husband had no warning and illness and died at 63.
I try to get by day by day but it is hard.
I exist in this new world and hope the future for people left behind in this world gets more manageable and less emotional and stressful.
Please look after yourself. We are still alive for now and although we dont feel like it we need to survive for our partners.
×

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Hi Wayne,

I lost my beautiful one on 23rd June and I hear your words expressing your feelings only too well.
I have trouble accepting her death, she had a zest for life, she kept me on my toes and was always planning something, she had a lively mind and I loved her for it.
We had such a fulfilling life and we both said we had met our one true love, nothing but deep love, we didn’t even argue, we were in accord and didn’t believe in wasting time arguing. We built our worlds around each other to form a world of fun, happiness and adventure.
Everyone says it will get easier, ok, I am not choking with the uncontrollable crying, I am managing to sleep, and I don’t rely on alcohol for sleep now, but man, the pain I feel inside is physically and mentally destructive, every day I cry, longing for her like a puppy looking out the window, not able to focus on anything more difficult than housework.
However, I can hear her in my head, I can feel her in my heart, so there is something of her residing inside me, and it tells me to take my time. She is thankful for the enormous grief, because it mirrors the enormous love that caused it. She is looking over me and saying “come on darling, I know we didn’t want this, but I want you to move gently forward, I want to see you smile and try doing some work, please do it for me, make me smile, I want only the best for you, people may die, but real love does not”, “Pick yourself up slowly, as best you can, when you can, but live on, as we only ever wanted the best for each other, and if it were you that had died, you would not want to see me in pain for too long, you would be wanting me to find those smiles and think of our times fondly, with joy, with thanks, for the precious time”
Just imagine if I had not met her, what I would have missed out on, I am thankful she chose me, I am lucky, although now I feel like an empty carrier bag being blown around in the middle of a hurricane.
Stick with it Wayne, I do understand, but Julie is wanting you to recover in your own time, she wants to see that smile return some day, she only wants the best for you.
Maybe we have to honour our ladies, I truly empathise with you, take care, be gentle on yourself.

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@Galaxy75
Thank you. I hadn’t been too bad today, I met a friend for lunch, but when I sat down this evening and it was already getting dark, I just felt overwhelmed with grief. I sat here thinking this time last year we would have been all cosy watching tv or listening to music. It doesn’t help over-thinking but sometimes you can’t help it.
I am afraid we have darker evenings coming which make the days seem longer as well. It’s just no fun at all and with what’s going on in the world, it makes it worse.
As you say, we need to survive for our husbands, I know mine would hate to see me like this, but I know he worried how I would be. He had advanced cancer and so the probability was that I would be left unless I had a fatal heart attack or whatever.
You take care of yourself too. Sending hugs x

What a lovely reply Wayne. Almost had me in tears. xxx

Hi Wayne , I can’t imagine your pain . It’s so difficult for us all . No words at the moment will help . I have a grown up son at home and he is grieving more than me so it’s a hard thing to help him and deal with my own grief too . Take each day as it comes . Do look after yourself, she would want that . The pain never goes away but it will fade a little with time

Hi lynne, I hope so, but if we can see our partners again somewhere then that just wants me to go now, I really do hope I don’t wake up and can be with my Julie again.

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