Hi thanks for your caring words, sound like you are going through what I’m experiencing, in our relationship, we never argued we were just always happy to be in each other company, 32 happy years I was so lucky to have met my perfect soul mate, my best friend she was my world, I looked after my Julie right till the cancer took her, we had so many plans booked holidays to Cuba and Greece all destroyed by this terrible disease. Right now life feels like it has no purpose, I don’t have any motivation to do anything, I feel like I just want to lock myself away and cry all the time. But You are right my Julie would have wanted me to carry on and be happy but without her that just seems impossible.
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Hi Wayne,
I’m currently feeling the same as you now, truly suffering with no reason to even keep going, all i want is to be reunited in heaven or for them to be back with me, otherwise i have no happiness and the world is just so bleak and dull.
Nothing any body tells me or anything I tell myself comforts me, I know he’s not in pain, people tell me he’s my guardian angel now, etc. it doesn’t make it better because i just want to be with them
The only minor comfort i’ve had through all of this is connecting and talking to people who are feeling the exact same way I am feeling, i’m realizing that suffering creates amazing strength in us, im proud of you and me for still being here and going another day.
Nobody who’s not experiencing what we are going through can comprehend the pain and loneliness we are experiencing, I’m the same as you, I don’t want my Julie watching over me as a guardian angel , I want her here with me now or if there is something else after this life then I want to be there with her.
I am trying to stay strong and I hope you can too, really don’t know how. I feel like I’m been punished by someone and my Julie who was my life, my world and my everything has been taken away. 
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it’s almost 6 weeks since my husband died and i feel just like you do,i dont want to live without him after 47 years ,he was everthing to me and i just want to be with him,i don’t want to carry on without him,i know it will never get better so what is the point of this suffering just let me go to him now,you are not alone
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I do believe we will be reunited after death, but that wait time is like an eternity, i don’t want to wait even another minute
my whole world is gone too
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Hi my name is Alison I lost my husband last New year day we were together for 32 years so I totally understand I have a job and many friends but I know it is not the same
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Same here i lost my gorgeous fantastic beautiful wife sue to pancreatic cancer on the 1st February this year. Really don’t want to be here but i made sue a promise to carry on fighting for life. But i have bad n good days
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Wayne,
My wife passed away on the 20th June,Acute Myeloid Leukemia so I absolutely feel for you,in fact you have described exactly how I feel so I needn’t say anymore.
The early few weeks pushed me into the kind of dark thoughts no one should have but grief is so all consuming,those dark thoughts aren’t as strong now but the pain of loss,loneliness,not hearing my Jacky’s voice just make the suffering feel worse. Also like you I even wonder why I eat as it just prolongs the suffering.
The sheer insanity of this grief pushes me into begging her to come back, but of course she can’t do that.
We are both still here so there must be some fight still in us,we need to ask what would my Jacky and your Julie want us to do ? It isn’t going to be easy that we already know.
Family and friends can’t understand Wayne,we are asking the impossible. When they ask how you are they are wanting an answer that makes them feel better,we can’t blame them for not knowing how to support us when we don’t even know ourselves. I absolutely get your post,we now have to take the pain and live through it hoping there is something better than this way way down the road.
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Since my Norman died in 6 th June I can honestly say I exist more than live. I eat as a habit. Food tastes like sawdust. I am virtually housebound as I no longer drive and have mobility issues. Don’t really want to go anywhere. Since funeral on 27th June I have been out if the house 3 times. No 4 will be next week when a friend is taking me for a drive. Lucky to be surrounded by lovely countryside and Jurassic coast not far. But existence is miserable, lonely and painful.
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You’re so right
People want to hear you say ‘I feel better’
But how can it ever be better!
I’ve had a day of staring out of the window aimlessly with my thoughts.
Tried to tidy up a bit but lost interest.
I’ve so much to sort out in the house as I will be selling up at some point although I’m resigned to the fact it will be months before I can do that.
It’s such a lonely quiet house now
I hate it.
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I know what you mean
I have been out visiting my aunty and have just got back so empty quiet house dont think i can evet get used to this.
Loved the house and location rural just 10 miles from Edinburgh. We moved here to retire and it did not happen for him be was 63. I am retired age 66 but dont drive so now so isolated and lots of my own time just thinking. I dont drive so depend on buses but 15 min walk to bus stop currently i am quite fit but worried as i get older it might be too much. Also jad ovarian cancer 2 years back and although my bloods have been steady for 2 years i am still under review every 3 months for another 8 years.
I might have too move so i can be closer to doctors hospital but it will break my heart to leave the house we so loved but currently as he died at home under stressful circumstances i dont want to be here either. Waiting for appointment to see grief counselling to see if soeaking to someone helps me get through the anxiety and panic attacks.
Living eating no slerpb the silence ar home does not improve dont know what i can do make it easier
Take care
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I’m definitely going to move
I can’t bear to be in this house on my own & especially as he died here.
Yes there are the memories but we were thinking of moving anyway.
It’s too big for me on my own.
I’m going to move to North Wales eventually
So much to sort in the next few months in terms of clearing the house. I’ve no energy to do it now.
I have a telephone assessment in a few weeks to discuss talking therapies - like you, hopefully it will help with my anxiety. I hate being here alone - I’m constantly checking the doors are locked.
I have 2 little dogs who I talk to all the time but it’s of little comfort most of the time.
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I can relate 100 % to your post.
I live in Rhos on Sea,North Wales and have considered moving but the area is just so nice to live in it would just make my life even worse if I had to move.
I haven’t been on this site for a long time as my wife was still with me. Today she has hours to live after suffering a massive stroke and she’s in hospital. I thought I could stay till the end but I’ve found the business too much so I’ve come home and wait for the phone call.
When she dies I’ll be really all alone and there really isn’t much to keep me going. No more visits to her care home, no secret treats, no structure to my life. I really wish I’d have died first so not to go through this agony.
So I sit on the sofa now just waiting. The NHS are amazing and have supported me throughout
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I know Rhos. We used to have a static near there. Went to a coffee shop regularly. Beautiful.
I couldn’t be with my husband when he died. I had physical limitations but the last visit I made was too traumatic. I too went home to wait for the call. I have felt guilty that I didn’t have the strength to stay with him. I hope you don’t suffer the same although I know we shouldn’t. My thoughts are with you.
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I’ll be moving to Llandudno
It holds such fond memories for me & we were going to move there a few years ago.
My dad is scattered on the Great Orme & has a bench on the pier.
Lovely part of the country & I know hubby would agree with my decision.
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So sorry for what you are going through
Llandudno is just down the coast from Rhos from what I remember.
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