Good evening, well another evening.
I lost my Robbie 3 months ago. I am gradually.finding a new routine, I havent gone back to work yet as I am self employed so have no pressure too and not.found the enthusiasm to yet. So I walk my dog twice a day I love the open space, the wind, rain or sunshine on good days on my face. I normally tick a box on my list of to do. Tomorrow is washing the kitchen blinds.
I’ve got better about my food intake but it’s so uninspiring cooking for 1, and I lovef d cooking for him and whilst I prepared and cooked we would laugh and talk and now it feels pointless. But my point of my post is I struggle with evenings. I didn’t have a telly on in the house for about 2 weeks after he passed and it must have taken me 6 weeks to actually sit on the sofa, during covid we spent a lot of time trawling through dramas and box sets and series on prime or Netflix. After he was diagnosed we spent every afternoon cuddled up on the sofa for some of our time watching something even if it was only few hours. Robbie passed away in 10 days. I just carnt watch telly, I have watched Olympics but just carnt look at what’s on, because what if they release an new series of something we had watched together, what if its to scary and I have no.one to hide behind, what if its to sad and I have no one hold me. So evenings feel even more isolating, lonely, I just hope by the winter and change of clocks I’ve got this sorted because winter is gonna be hard.
Good evening, well another evening.
The best thing about the evenings for me is that it’s a few steps closer to going to bed and shutting out the world.
I have the tv on most evenings , as I have my sad dinner for one on a tray, on my lap.
The programme I watch constantly is ‘ friends ‘ It’s harmless, no thought required tv that plays in the background ands it’s safe to watch because my husband and I would never normally watch it.
Strangely, I am looking forward to the darker nights because then I don’t have to see couples out enjoying their time together… yes, so during the winter months they would be snuggled up together but what I can’t see I can’t stress about. During lock down I started doing jigsaws, cross stitch. So that’s my plan for the up and coming evenings.
Shutting myself away with these uncomplicated hobbies, until I feel able to cope with the rest of the world
I find the evenings and weekends really hard without Jason. We had our daily routine when he came home from work and at the weekends. He loved classic cars and had a Toyota MR2 which he used to work on at the weekends and I used to spend time down the yard with my horse and it was so lovely looking forward to going home and seeing Jason. the same after work, he would go round and visit his mum and would generally be home about 7 o’clock. I used to look out the window so I could see his van pull in, then I knew he was home and our lovely evening together would start. We both loved Fridays. He used to come home from work, through off his work clothes and our weekend would start. I would give anything to have those times back again. xx
God I know what I mean. I often wait for Robbie van to pull in the drive and Friday was know as funday Friday because it was the start of the weekend of nice food, beach walks, good dinner, drinks out and laughs and cuddles. Trying ro find the new normal feels so empty and just keep constant reminder of this time last we were doing this and this time this year we were planning to do that. I’m trying to still do our bucket list as we brought a motorhome in September last year, so far I’ve been to Cornwall, Dorset and Wiltshire.
Our future plan was to move to Dorset but I am not sure if that is something I could do now on my own.
I love Dorset, why don’t u go visit and maybe stay in an Airbnb after the madness of the staycation and see how u like it .
I am taking my mother-in-law and mum next May to a place that me and Jason stayed belore. It is going to be hard but feel it is something I want to do.
We had a holiday booked in Cornwall, Mark’s favorite place. I was dreading it, got upset when we set off, it seemed so wrong without him, freaked out driving on the motorway on my own, then when we got there I was in floods if tears again because he would have loved it. But as the week went on it got easier to go to familiar places, replay the memories and the good times. It was far from the holidays we used to have, but in the end, not as bad as I thought it would be.
When my wife passed last July, for several weeks I used to sit in our conservatory during the day and in the darkness until about 11pm. I simply couldn’t face sitting in our living room, it just felt mentally claustrophobic. When my wife was here, we used to play one of my wife’s many relaxation CDs at bedtime on her bedside radio/CD-player. In my early weeks I resorted to having that on continuous play in our dining room during the day and evening, all day every day. It was only with the start of the winter that I eventually had to force myself to sit in the living room or freeze in the conservatory.
We used to like watching together true-life murder investigation programmes on TV, mainly on the Discovery channel on Sky. Took me until this year before I could bear to watch those same programmes, now I switch the radio on in the kitchen first thing in the morning, plays until bedtime, and the same with the TV - it spends 98% of its time tuned to the Discovery channel. But I find absolutely no pleasure in watching any programmes, only sadness. The radio and TV are just on for noise in the background, rather than sitting in mind-numbing silence.
How I understand all that’s been said on this thread. When my husband passed away, Poldark was on ‘series record’. It was one of the programmes we watched together and it was only part way through the series. It was a long time before I could bring myself to watch it alone, but I did eventually. For a long time all I ever had on the telly was the news channel.
Ha, I smiled when Friends was mentioned, as I too still turn to Friends. Such light-hearted entertainment and there are times when I actually laugh out loud - which reminds me of my husband’s laugh, so enormously loud and over the top. I used to turn to him and say “Well it wasn’t that funny David…” I’m smiling as I’m writing, just thinking about it. I’d give anything to hear that laugh again.
I remember my mum saying about the evenings being the worst part of the day, after my stepdad died. I never thought that I could come to understand her words so soon in my life. I’m fortunate in that I don’t get in from work until 7:30pm so by the time I’ve had something to eat, seen to the dog, watered the plants etc, it can be 9 o’clock or more, so not much of the evening left before bedtime. I’m grateful for that.
It doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t get better. But it does become a way of life which we just have to accept. I hate the term ‘new normal’ because there is nothing normal about my life anymore. I do cope though and I have coping strategies which I developed early on in my grief. I have moved forward, with my grief as my new companion. I don’t know how I’ve done it, but I have and you will too. xx
Jason loved F1 and I have only just started watching it again in his memory.
We both love Only Fools and Horses and I find that hard to watch too.
My mum always said about the evenings and weekends being the worst and I could not imagine what she meant but I certainly do now.
You’ve brought another smile to my face @Wifey. David used to get up early to watch the Formula1 live. He’d bring me a cup of tea in bed and then when I got up he would be fast asleep in the chair. He’d missed most of it so would then have to watch the highlights. Every time!
Oh bless, I am glad I made you smile xx
Evenings are hard watching tv is hard on your own not just on your own but with out my husband no one to talk to about whats happening he always knew who did it in the mystery films . I have the tv on and watch easy things so its just on . winter will be hard at the monent i take the dog out water the plants and potter about a bit but wont be doing that in the winter .i cant be bothered to cook so i live of cereal and ready meals . I use to have hobbies but the only thing i fine i can helps is gardening cant be bothered with anything else i to write lists so it makes me do thing i am lucky i have my children and there familys around but they still go home and have their own lifes and i dont want to be a bother to them it is a very hard road we are all travelling down and none of us want to be on this journey
I downloaded LBC on my phone. When the silence is unbearable I put that on, especially at night when I go into the bedroom. It’s just to have some chatter in the background and often the topics discussed are really interesting. Keeps me occupied and keeps focus off the fact that I’m going to bed and there’s an empty space next to me. Like others here I’ve also had Friends on the TV. It’s light-hearted and again, it’s just background noise to drown out the silence. Many times I’ve flicked through the programmes on TV but have no motivation or interest to watch anything anymore. Bizarrely the merciful thing about grief is that it has been so intense that it has left me feeling absolutely drained out so by evening time I can hardly keep my eyes open. It’s due to this that I fall asleep pretty much as soon as my head is on the pillow. But you go to bed alone and wake up alone and nobody can understand how soul destroying this is unless they’ve been through it themselves.
We have to try to hang on. My husband would be devastated to see me in this state. The skin is hanging off my arms./legs in fact everywhere. My eyes are red from crying. I’ve gone grey with the shock of it and I’m in the darkest place imaginable. Well after all we have gone through what more can we expect. Nothing can ever hurt us as much as this. It’s hard I’m feeling every emotion. I change my mind more frequently than my knickers and since being on here realise that we are all in this. We really are on our own but we are not alone. Our family and friend that have not been robbed of their lives really do not understand. But we DO. Be brave, be strong. I know it’s difficult but not impossible. We can do this together.
Hello I struggle with this too.What do people do to fill their days and evenings ? If tv is too hard you could try a radio programme or a podcast? I am sorry for your loss.
Thankyou but i find listening to music hard because my husband was always dancing he loved a dance maybe a chatshow would be good i will have to look thankyou x
Your life right now mirrors mine. I too sit in front of the TV at night with the TV tray filling my mind with TV shows so I don’t have to think about him. Isn’t it interesting now that we are alone, seeing couples everywhere. Everybody comes in twos. I never noticed it before because Lenny and I were part of their world. I think that’s one of the hardest things for me to face now……being “one”
I’ve also started noticing single people , sitting or walking alone and now wonder have they lost someone too