What to do with ashes

Hello Barbara I am so very sorry for your loss. My mum died over twenty years ago and I made sure that her ashes were scattered in the garden of rest where my father’s, my grandparents and aunties and uncles ashes were also scattered. We had her name added to the book of remembrance with all the other members of our family who have died. When my husband died three years ago I made up my mind that his ashes were staying at home with me until I died so they are in a glass cabinet overlooking the garden. I also have the ashes of two of our German Shepherd dogs and our sons know that when I die they have to scatter my husbands, mine and our pets ashes together in Devon near our favourite spot. We visited last year and I showed them exactly where I wanted them scattering. I find comfort knowing they are all still here with me, waiting for my turn. I look at it this way, as long as their ashes are scattered with thought and love, it doesn’t really matter, because you will remember a favourite place of hers and decide that that is the place she would like to be. Love Sheilaxxx

Barbara 13
My fiance passed away 5 months ago and he sits on the dresser in the garden room and I’m in no rush to get rid of him it gives me some comfort just to be able when Passing make a comment such a nice heart-shaped box that he’s in as I said to his daughters I’ve lost him twice once with his illness and again when he was cremated I’m not ready for him to leave home yet slightly different for me as Stu always joked he wanted to be sprinkled in Great Yarmouth on the back of a landual in a Sainsbury’s bag , his daughters have asked if they can have some of his ashes so they can have jewelry made which is also a lovely thought .
My only advice is don’t rush it if there’s no need to rush it you find a time and a place I’m sure

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Thanks Rachel. I do feel more content having my mum back in the house and don’t feel the need to make any other plans at this time.

Hi Barbara. My dad died in March last year and I kept his ashes upstairs in the spare bedroom. Last week I put some new plants in my garden and just went upstairs took the box downstairs and opened it up. I put a few ashes under the new plants and then put the rest back upstairs happy in the knowledge I didn’t have to do anything all at once and I could spread more whenever I felt it was right to do so. I feel at peace with it now whereas prior to that I didn’t know what to do with them and felt under pressure to “do” something with them. Hope this helps.

We had Dads ashes in the house for over eleven years before we scattered them. There is no time limit - just do what you feel comfortable with

i lost my husband two years ago.He wanted his ashes scattered in the fishing lake where he went fishing.But when the time came i could not bring myself to do it as i thought i would mean i would have to let him go.So i buried his ashes in a special place in the garden but know i feel guilty for doing it.As i know it is not what he wanted as he did not want me to keep visiting his grave.Did i do the wrong thing?

Hi brenda
My partner died on 30th june and i have the ashes in my bedroom and still dont know what i will do with them.
I really dont think anyone on here can ever do the wrong thing with ashes of our loved ones we just wait and do what we feel is right. Our loved ones would not want us to feel guilty or be angry with ourselves and i am sure your husband will feel the same.
Please dont be hard on yourself for decisions you make this pain and sadness we are all feeling is torment enough although i am getting fed up with hearing it we have to be kind to ourselves now and look after ourselves
Please take care
Carol x

thank you carol for your reply
Every time and look at the place where my husband ashes are buried i just feel like i am going to break down.I feel so guilty that i am still here and he is gone.Is so unfair,We should have had a lot more years of retirement together.Some days i just can not cope with the pain of his loss.It is breaking my heart,I feel so alone.I wish to god he was still here.I hate being on my own all the time. I just wish there was someone here with me right now just to have someone to talk to.
take care

Hi have you thought about getting a necklace which you can store some of her ashes in? I saw some really beautiful ones online which I am going to get to put my nans ashes so I can keep her close everywhere with me.

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Hi. When my husband died suddenly I had his ashes buried in a plot in the graveyard. I have a stone exactly as I would have had if he had been a burial. It gave me some place to visit and I have some plants etc at the grave. Not sure anything helps exactly but I am able to walk to the GY with the dogs. I have a friend who has just kept her mum’s ashes in the house. I think it is whatever feels right for you regardless of what anyone else thinks. I hope you can resolve this in a way that helps you. Xx

Hi Barbara, my mum died just over 4 months ago and I’m so heart broken and miss her so much as she was my world.
We had my mums ashes scattered in Nottingham, the same place her parents are as she never liked Stamford. I always joked I was sticking her in the boot and taking her to Nottingham… I didn’t do that but held her close all the way. I felt at peace when we had done this as it felt like she was home.
I kept some and had a beautiful paperweight from Ashes to glass made and mum sits in the living room and shins beautifully at night with the light. There is also an inscription on the bottom which is special to me. My son who is 11 loves it too. I also had 2 memory cushions made with a couple of favourite tops I brought my mum.
Mums death was expected but I didn’t accept it was happening but I was there with her but miss her so so so much.
I hope you find this helpful and my heart goes out to you. X