What to do?

Last December my Dad died, I sat with him until the end and did last offices with the nurse who cared for him. Prior to Dads acute deterioration and death we had been estranged since the death of my Mum 8yrs previously; Dad had been having an affair before Mum died & he had spent all of the savings resulting in a messy time when it came to paying for the funeral. I have struggled emotionally since December and have become somewhat of a recluse. Choosing to stay at home rather than meeting friends or calling off at the last moment.
An old friend died last week, I couldn’t bring myself to visit her when she was ill I felt that I was still too raw. I text her daughter to say how sorry I was but I am afraid that if I go to visit my friends husband to pay my condolences he will think, as I do it’s too little too late.
I’m grieving for not just the deaths but the loss of the relationships before both my Dad & my friend died.
Sorry if this has been a ramble, I hope it makes sense!
Thank you for reading

Tingles, you sound to be grieving not only for your dad but for his life which has made yours difficult. This site is starting a new counselling service why don’t you give a go because to shut yourself away is not good. Grieving changes your life not just because you loss someone but because you change yourself. Life is difficult enough and these are big changes which makes it tougher. Try it and see it can’t do any harm. Take care of yourself S

Thanks for your reply. I have already signed up for the online counselling and had the initial appointment. Hopefully it will help to make sense of it all and be a means to move forward and to go back to being the person a was before this all happened