What's the point? (Had enough)

As many of you know I lost my husband recently.
I’ve had nothing but bother and hassle since his passing:

  • The hospital: blaming me (complaint has been put forward)
  • his work & pensions: making things difficult (losing paperwork , not knowing their own forms etc)
  • no will / probate : because he didn’t leave a will, things are so difficult. I don’t blame him. Something as simple as a ‘numberplate’ is not simple?
  • step children: only ever wanting to know him for money, nothing has changed & I’m getting hassled
  • my work: causing problems (making things as difficult as possible for me, I know it’s to make me leave)
  • bloody mouse problems!: Have what I believe is 1 left, it’s a little s*** (hope it’s not female,) … Found its way upstairs! I( now have to try sort upstairs which is a mine field as had to readjust house to make a room for hubby downstairs)

I seem to have one disaster after another… Nothing has gone right - so what is the point?
I honestly feel like telling everyone to take what the hl they like - hand everything over to the stepchild (Shane can’t hand over any debts!!) - and go join him! …
That’s all I want, to be with him again.
The only ‘positive’ I have in my life is our pets and I think they will be better off without me.
I’m that jinxed that even if I did attempt to join him I’d fail! (The only thing stopping me right now I think)

Sorry everyone, you don’t need to read my meltdown … But I honestly dont see the point in my being here?
Can only see it’s punishment for failing my husband x

14 Likes

Im so sorry for everything happening with you at the moment, i wish i could do something to make things better. For what its worth i send you love and a virtual hug. X

5 Likes

Sending you strength and a big hug… xx❤️

4 Likes

Thank you both. And I am sorry for my post.
I know everyone is dealing with their own grief, but feel this is the only place that will understand my current state.
I just honestly don’t see the point if being here anymore.
Anything and everything is going wrong x

7 Likes

Hello @Kel2 ,

It sounds like there is so much going on in your life - it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed by all these things. You are dealing with a lot and it’s understandable that sometimes it gets too much.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

I’m really glad you’ve started this thread and reached out for support. I just wanted to share these additional resources for you, if you feel like you need some extra support outside of the community too.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
  • If these thoughts of suicide become too much and you’re worried you’re going to harm yourself, please call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

It might feel like one more thing to do when you’ve already got so much on your plate, but maybe consider contacting Acas about your work situation - they can give you advice and support. Their website is here: https://www.acas.org.uk/

The community is always here for you - I just wanted to share these ways of getting some extra support should you need it.

Take good care,
Seaneen

3 Likes

Stay strong you are not alone on here you are amongst friends :heart:

4 Likes

@Kel2
Also sending virtual hugs. Hang on in there my friend. We are here for you.
xxx

3 Likes

Hi Kel2
Ok here goes.I was like you approx 4 weeks ago and wanted to join my mum.In fact I said the most awful things that it actually make my husband cry his heart out.I had one particular night when it got so bad that I sat my husband down and explained how I felt my life was over,had done everything I wanted to do and just wanted to join mam.I didn’t want to listen to anything anyone said so went to bed My husband left me for an hour or so probably hoping I would drop of to sleep but no I didn’t.He came up to bed and off I went again on and on about the same thing so he went downstairs to get me a drink of water because I was extremely upset.Halfwayvdown the stairs and directly under the light the bulb shattered and he had the fright of his life.It was 1am in the morning .It puled me tog as I knew it was mum coming to my rescue.The following morning he went to change the light bulb but it was fine The actual light fitting had completely blown and as a building inspector himself he said he had only ever seen that happen in 30 years.It was her for sure.
What I am getting at is your husband would not want you to feel like this and wil help you get through all this.I to have encountered a string of problems over the past five weeks mam has passed and I have now decided to put some sort of plan in place to help me get through all this.Firstly I only set myself a target of doing one thing per day. Would you be able to look for another job and just stay where you are until another comes along.I can understand that without a will things must be difficult.God knows how you manage that one. Can you go on sick leave for a while ?
Having a meltdown is fine and in fact I think you are very brave to admit to having one.I have had several and I know how bad they can become.
Keep posting so people can help you get through this.You can do it honestly because we are here for you.pm me anytime you want a chat
Deborahx

4 Likes

Thank you so much.
Your mum certainly sent you a sign.
I know my husband wouldn’t want me feeling how I am right now, but it’s so hard without him here. I have asked him for a sign.
Feels like everything I try to do goes wrong.
I am signed off sick now. I will look for something else when I’m in a more fit and focused state - think that’s definitely something I will need to do.
So much I need to do, to get done but failing.
Struggling so much without him, just wish he was here or I was with him.
Thank you everyone one… I don’t know what I would do without this group and your support xx

2 Likes

I thought I would try go for a walk this morning - see if it would help… Try be a bit positive … I was crying the whole time. (Photo from the walk) I just don’t understand why I’m here.

4 Likes

Ive tried everything . Counselling twice , cbt , antidepressants . Still dont want to be here 20 months on . I keep fighting though and hope things get better gradually . Sorry you are having such a bad time .
Love Angie xx

4 Likes

That’s a beautiful photo and deep deep down something in you was able to recognise it and captured that moment. I completely understand how you feel. I lost my partner of 37 years now 18 months ago but it can still seem like yesterday at times and meltdowns are still very common. This is not to add to your already difficult grief just to say that even though I still cry at least a little every day I’m beginning to realise I get through it. It’s so hard to accept the horrible sadness and longing that just drives through you every time I think of my loved one and I can feel such a failure at being at rock bottom again but I am finding if I let it happen, cry, scream, swear, talk to her I can be at a different point 1/2 hr later when I just wanted not to be here those 30 mins before. I’m sorry I don’t know when your husband died but I think it was very recently. And to be honest we should be able to define what’s recent. 18 months still feels recent to me. There is so much to do that you’ve never had to do before or even if you did somehow is impossible now that is overwhelming. I know my soulmate wanted me to go on and keep doing the things I enjoyed but that doesn’t make it easier to be able to do it so really do try to be as compassionate to yourself as I’m sure you would be to a friend. It’s so flipping hard I know but sending you a virtual hug and strength thru the airwaves. Sorry if I’ve gone on a bit ! You are doing as well as you can.

4 Likes

Hello @Kel2 - firstly, a big hug for you as you go through these hard, hard days. I read your posts about the struggles with the admin after your husband’s death and the things family members are doing. I am not sure if you have done this, but if you can, try and get some legal advice about your position. As your husband’s wife you should be in a strong position to get security. He may have had work pensions - contact the company and let them know who you are and what you need - he may have nominated you as his beneficiary in a pension plan. Knowing your rights is absolutely key in these days. Try Citizen’s Advice. Try the local library. Try The Good Grief Trust. Have a look here: Who can inherit if there is no will – the rules of intestacy - Citizens Advice

My friend, everyone on here is with you. We know you are facing the worst possible situation and we have got you. Bit like Avengers Assemble for you - those of us who know the grief of losing a loved one will channel that into supporting you. Take a breath, take a look at some advice, hold tight.

4 Likes

So glad you have posted again I am thinking of you
Deborah x

2 Likes

What a lovely photo Well well done on going for that well needed walk.
I love how you have captured the sun
Deborah x

2 Likes

Thank you everyone.
I lost my husband in November. It’s so hard without him.
I keep having anxiety attacks.
I really struggled to push myself out the door this morning. I was a complete state when I got back… still crying now.
I think he would’ve been proud of me.

Tried to sort some of the paperwork for his work and work pension, get it all in order as I know they are stalling on things and have said they’ve lost some of his paperwork… Will have to try start that again tomorrow… Too overwhelmed with it all.

@Vancouver and for the link - that has been really helpful.

Hubby used to say I was the stronger one of the two of us … Think he would change his mind on that now.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support - you really are helping me through some dark days right now.

I’m looking at our boys (pets) they’ve just settled for a snooze - they’re what I’ve got to try keep going for xx

4 Likes

@Kel2 - he would be bursting with pride for you, absolutely bursting with pride, love, love and so much love. Your friends are here, we are with you. If you need anything, post or send messages direct. You have got this, we have got you and we have got each other. Nothing can stop us, we are pretty much invincible. xx

2 Likes

Thank you so much - you are all amazing! xx

2 Likes

You are doing so well you are stronger than you think and will get plenty of support here :purple_heart:

2 Likes

Hi Kel2,

Just checking in on you tonight. Hope you dont mind. Dont worry about crying because thats fine. I hope you had a nice cuppa when you got back in.
Like you i tried to do something to sort my mams affairs. Last night I made a list of things that had to be done and i actually thought I would stick to it but guess what. Yes thats right I didnt and just stayed in bed most of the day feeling well like everything is pointless without her and when i ventured downstairs for a cuppa I started crying and crying. So I made a promise to myself to take one small step today and sort out one thing on my list so i did. Instantly i felt better. I only sorted out the insurance on mams house bec I was afraid that as it was empty the insurance policy needed to be updated. The lady i dealt with was amazing and after speaking to her i felt better. Ok so tom I shall sort out one more thing and hopefully get through my list of to do things.
Next week I am going to set a target by the end of the week of getting everything on my list done.
I know my mam would be proud of me like your husband would be of you especially after today going out and about. I suppose somehow we have to continue with their memory and do what they would have wanted us to do. Its so hard though and very easy to say.
I havent got any pets but I am sure they are a great comfort to you. Its a huge reason to carry on and they need you so much They sense when things like this happen or so I am told as I am no expert.
I am in the process of re organising the upstairs in my house and had to stop to look after mam 4 mths ago. Was going to buy new wardrobes but now i have to empty her house soon so i need to re think everything I dont have the energy to fuss about looking around shops so I am keeping mams things and as soon as probate is over with I can start emptying her house. This is what is hopefully going to keep me busy with in the next few weeks.
Will check in you again in a day or two ok
Keep going out for walks even if its 5 mins
Deborah x

3 Likes