Aw … its a good song … in fact in just gonna put it on myself now xx
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Hi all, sorry ive not been here for a while… been trying to sort things and having extreme lows.
I had to go see my mother in law to change names etc via a solicitor from my to one of her grandson’s (that visit was a drama).
My work: are still only offering the 1month salary (im signed off until 18th, have GP appt 19th) they have been hounding me with messages to call them to discuss the ‘offer’ or my return to work date.
I have started to look for work (mentally im not ready, financially i need to)
Hubbys work: they dont know what the £2 they paid into my account is for? Have assured me its not his ‘death in service’ payment, that should be sorted “soon” … not heard from them in a few weeks.
Still trying to sort shares he was given from them (only worth £59 but not the point) …
Hubbys pensions: previous has confirmed (a little under his last statement)
Current work pension - im still chasing.
Mice: not much movement (I humanely removed a further 2 last month)
Trying to sort upstairs to make sure not nesting up there (im still staying on the sofa)
Sleep: with tablets im averaging 2-3 hours broken sleep… not great, but is an improvement.
Hospital Complaints: my MP said they chased this the beginning of last month with no response.
I chased mid last month for both my Complaint via my MP and the internal investigation. They responded last week saying they have ‘no records’ of a complaint or investigation! Im absolutely fuming!!!
I resubmitted the complaint, added about no ‘record’s’ i included my MP so she is aware… im awaiting ‘acknowledgement’
Think i need to seek further advice as im sure they’re trying to ‘stall’ things - even if they can “cover themselves” for their lack of treatment for hubby, I have them for breaching GDPR as they provided me with at least 30 pages of another patients records! (Name, address, D.O.B etc)!
Plus 3 medical professionals confirming that the diabetic medication they were giving him (alone without the other meds) should NEVER have been given together! (Trouble is, they probably wont back me up, but there should be records of 2 of them questioning it)
Family & Money: i have sought some advice for when hubbys money is soerted.
I can open whats called a ‘Bear Trustfund’ for his grandson, that neither his mum or dad can touch. I will be the trustee, i have to name someone to become trustee if i go before grandson reaches 21.
I can also open a savings account for step-daughter (that shes not aware of) i can control that for a set period (say 10 years) before she gets it … as mentioned before, she is very money orientated, only wanted hubby for money - if we didnt have it she would stop talking to us and block us (including stopping seeing grandson)
I would never see her without, but rather than give her money now, i would prefer to save it for her… may sound harsh, but i need to ensure i am financially secure for me and the boys (pets). She & grandson will still be included in my will, but want to set somethi g up initially that will grow for them (mother in law doesnt agree with me doing this for step-daughter - shes not a fan of her grand-daughter … ive told her it has nothing to do with her, hubby would not see her without & nor would I … that didnt go too well)
Me: Im a complete mess. Im finding everyday is getting harder? … but im painting on the ‘im fine’ face as everyone expects you to be ok.
I still don’t want to be here (All i want is to be with hubby) Everyday is a struggle.
This month would be our wedding anniversary… so even more low.
I had an ‘ex-work friend’ message message me the other day (shes know hes been gone since November) told her the issues with the hospital blaming me, so (although I know its not my (or our pet’s) fault) their words of saying having our pets on the ‘property’ are killing him, im killing him - then telling me he is at end of life still weighs heavily on my mind.
(I only told her as she is somewho needs to advertise issues that are not actually issues & needs to actually understand ‘real problems’) … her response: maybe you should work or something to focus? … really?!
(Side note on the pets: there is a report in hubbys file saying ‘low risk’ - he hadnt been near them since being ill, housed outside (garden is 45ft long - i housed them at the back, hubby was at front of the house) the drs still said i was killing him because our boys were ‘on the property’ but couldnt answer why they delayedin referring or the diabetic meds?
Also … back to the ‘Hosp’ how can hus situation change in 30 min?
They told me he wouldnt see Christmas, to notify any family who are not close (his family are 3.30 hrs away)
… i was gone 30 minutes to make calls.
When i came back in, they told him (ON HIS OWN) he would not see that night?! … 1) what changed in 30 min?
2) they KNEW I was there - why tell him that news on his own?!
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Feel like giving up lost my Mum to cancer Oct 2019 then Oct last year lost my husband to cancer now i have to face going to my aunties funeral which is taking place where my husbands funeral was held
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@sue11 I am so sorry, you have already gone through so much… I’m not sure what help i can be, but am here … i will keep checking in to offer any support i can.
When do you have the service? X
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Thank you for your kind words the service is on the 26th this month xx
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I will light a candle that day … might not sound much, but may offer abit of support x
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Thank you so much xx
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@Kel2
Good to see an update from you although wish it was with better news regarding pensions and the hospital.
I admire what you are doing for your husband’s grandson and daughter and I’m sure you husband would be really pleased with that arrangement.
Keep looking after your boys.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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@KarenF thank you x
I know my step daughter doesn’t like me, but, she is my ‘daughter’…
so trying to look at the best way to secure something for her that she doesn’t disregard… i am going to write letters to her and the grandson (more do grandson) about us, hubby etc - that just because they (he) didnt see us much doesnt mean hubby/me never thought about them. Will tell grandson bits about hubby, show him photo’s to prove he gets his looks from hubby (baby photo’s of hubby & grandson are like for like!)
The boys (little ******… erm …featherbums)
Mini one has FINALLY worked out that its easier to jump into my arms than try climbing up my leg 
x
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Gosh that will be so hard @sue11, the worst has already happened so I hope you will find the strength somehow, we will be thinking of you and offering you all the support you need. Lots of love xx
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One thing for certain, is your partner would want you to live life to the full. We know how hard that can be. You need time to process what you are through only then will some sort of plan can take steps. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong
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It looks to me as if you have coped so well @Kel2 despite all that you have had to deal with and manage whilst having extreme lows, your hubby will be so proud of you and you should be too. Despite all your continuing challenges with work, pensions, family and hospital, you have remained loyal to your husbands wishes, that shows incredible strength. Sending love and support xxx
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I have been asked if i would like to go and see my auntie before the funeral not sure if i want to as i was not able to see my husband as he was in the hospital to long after he passed away as there was a long wait for his funeral
I can fully understand this @sue11. I didn’t see my husband but that was my choice as I was with him when he died after his life support was switched off. He looked so peaceful then and I didn’t want any other lasting memory of him that might be different to this. You will know what feels right for you, go with your heart, there should be no judgement from anyone what you decide, and if there is there attitude isn’t about you. xxx
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Thank you so much @sandi.
Its funny how families are?
Hubby always knew i would treat his daughter as my own… i have done that, she lived withnus twice when her mum kicked her out … i managed to get her an apprenticeship… all thrown in my face. But, she is still my ‘daughter’ … i wo t give into her demands as such, but will do what I can to secure something for her.
Hubby said to me the day before he passed that he thanked me for accepting his daughter & all she threw at me … I told him he didn’t have to thank me, i accepted him with his daughter. (My only annoyance is her attitude to him… shes old enough to know better (30) but sadly the £ signs seem to be more important) x
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@Kel2 Some wise person once said we cant choose our families but we can choose our friends. I feel incredibly lucky that both my family and my friends have been really supportive and a tower of strength, I know that not everyone has the same experience, your story and those of others on this site have really opened my eyes to how people can behave and be so disrespectful, especially at a time when you need their support most. Just know that you are amongst friends here whenever you need us. xxx
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@sandi … thank you.
Here I have found to be a great support and where I can count on people.
You are right with the ‘you cant choose’
I learnt along the way to rely on only myself until hubby came along.
I can’t thank everyone here enough for the support, honestly I dont know where i would be xx
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