Hi Sue 11
Just read your post. Please remember you did what you wanted to do and sod everyone else. I had to overcome all sorts of people messaging me before mums funeral with stupid things they said. They actually thought they could say anything and everything to me . I have always been a quiet sort of person like my mum so people have said thing sin the past when mum was alive but ill and mum used to say to me Don’t waste time worrying about people who don’t worry about you . She had a wonderful way of rolling her eyes and say Kill people with kindness. She was so wise. So when people after she died said certain things to me or texted me I did kill them with kindness but also started sticking up for myself as I had been the only one who did anything for my mum. I put certain people well and truly in their place as i knew I wouldn’t see them again anyway. I changed my mobile number and it has been totally liberating . I thought at the time that maybe it was grief and i shouldnt have stuck up for myself blah blah but 2 mths on I am so glad I did. I realised life is too short to be hurt. It was also a form of bullying and total lack of respect. To the ones I didn’t actually block but replied to I can honestly say things were nipped in the bud and i havent had any more nonsence from them. Once you start putting up with this sort of thing the next time it gets worse and even worse the next time. It’s hard to do but you cant put up with it .
You did everything right. Hold your head up high and be proud of yourself
Here for you anytime you want to chat
Deborah x
Thank you for your kind words i think i might have to cut my husbands family out of my life i was only doing what my husband had said he wanted and i was not going against his wishes in my eyes it was about what my husband wanted not what his Mum wanted and know it seems like i am a bad person for what i did . She knew when i was going to arrange his funeral and did not want to help even when i told her what day the Celebrant was coming out to talk about my husband life she did not even turn up for that so i had to tell him all about my husband on my own
Huh what’s it got to do with her ? It was his wishes and you did what he wanted ! I doubt anybody took it off ! They do have some scrupples and anyway the coffin is sealed an hour before the ceremony 
probably for that reason xxx
Thank you so much for your kind words
Hi Sue,
Don’t ever think you are a bad person Hold your head up and be proud of everything you arranged. Do your husband’s family live near you. If they don’t it will be easy to cut the ties slowly
Do what makes your life easier and put yourself first
Keep posting
Deborah
No they do not live near me but are always calling me
Hi Sue,
Just tell them you want a bit of space for a while.
You need to get stronger yourself and just text hem and say that. They probably will not understand but at least you have told them then
Deborah
I think i will do that i can not cope with much more
You dont have to ! Dont pick up the phone if they call xx
Will do that then as i do not think they will come over to see me they did even come to see my husband when he found out he had cancer xx
I agree. Just don’t answer the phone. Hopefully they’ll get the message. You don’t need any more stress and they are just being horrible laying all this on you. Love and strength to you. Jean.
Hi Sue,
Are you ok
Deborah x
@SulaneThinking of you on your birthday today. Hope you find some peace. xx
Arent people so strange ! You c we couldnt get rid of my and some of his family wanting to see my husband before the end and yet funeral over and everybody just left me to fend for myself ! No care, no attention. The only person who has really been there for me in the last few 3/4 weeks has been my mum xx
Same here did not see his Mum before the funeral even though she knew he was really unwell saw her at his funeral but not seen her since only phone calls making digs at every thing i did
Thank you so much for your kind words
Thank you @seychelles … its strange … here is where i know i can talk about what is happening with me and know i have the support- yet i still try to shield you all from where i am? … not wanting to burden anyone from my ongoing misery… seem to have one thing after another? … (im sure im cursed!) … and I dont want fo burden anyone else with addition grief.
But here I do find the support i need and I can’t thank EVERYONE enough!!
I need to start reconnecting here, but will apologise in advance - i have no improvement right now x
Do not shield us from how you are feeling it helps to talk about are feelings i am going through some hard times with my husbands family and it has helped me saying how i feel being on here
@seychelles … thank you so much!!
. I think i have programmed myself to reveal only certain things is still with me now.
Hubby hated how i retreated to myself and the hours i
Put in… i did it to ‘keep’ a job. … my 'official hours are on current contract 8:30 -17:00, but if i cover my hours i can.'start/finish as long as its covered… (simillar to pevious… apparently to assist with 'health issues… with that, they still got a minimum 3 hours unpaid from me - i could possibility dissappear for some time (15min the max to date ) i gat penalised. Forgetting ive been there since 6:30 & working? (They have proof)
Current employer- prior to hubby passing. I signed in 4:00am, out 19:00pm. (Take 5 hours out of that for me to get to the hospital to see him & get home)
Apparently thats mot good enough? ( had previously continued working until 2am)
They are now ’ offering’ one month’s salary for vol. Redundancy (all done verbally … been with company 5 years!)
So sorry for what you are going through can see why you are finding it so hard and for the company you work for to treat you so badly can they not see you are already going for a hard time after lossing your husband makes me so angry my heart goes out to you sending you a big hug