Does anyone else think what’s the point of living now our loved ones no longer here with us and if we do meet up in heaven then why wait. I’m fed up with this life its relentless every day is the same. I’m got no interest in anything people think I’m doing ok but on the inside I’m dead. Without Jim I’m nothing I’m not a wife I’m not his sweetheart anymore I’m not a housewife I’m just in limbo like I’m in a freeze frame film and I’m lost I don’t know how to even change a plug or put up a picture Jim did all this for me. If I died tomorrow I couldn’t care less. I’m so depressed and alone I don’t think I want to live for years like this . I just pray God takes me in my sleep and I can run into Jim’s waiting arms and we can be together forever. Looks like another night when I’m not going to get to sleep just lie here thinking about what I’m lost thanks to the NHS. Come on covid take me do your worst
I too have a grudge against the N HS in the way my husband was treated with stage 3 locally advanced pancreatic cancer. I keep looking at photo’s of him, taken just 6 months before his diagnosis. He was so fit and tanned and looked so healthy. After a few rounds of aggressive chemo he looked like a Skeleton and weighed 8st. He was not strong enough for an operation but they said they would try to move the tiny tumour away from an artery. He stopped eating and they did nothing. He literally starved to death. I wanted to complain but my head was too mushed and still is 3 yrs later. I feel completely alone even with friends and family. I too am no longer afraid to die. I just want my husband back. There is a hole in my heart and no matter what I do it never heals. If we had a choice now, we would have carried on as we were until fate took a hand. His tumour was the size of a thumbnail and it never grew in 12 months. We could have had years together without what he endured.
I feel your pain. All I can say is that the rawness subsides and just becomes a void in your life. I am so sorry for your loss. X
I couldn’t just log off without replying, our despair can sometimes feel like it’s crushing us alive.
I feel the same. I lost my Husband several years ago but my Mum was my refuge then. Two weeks ago I lost my Mum. So now I just think well, I belong to no-one now. I identify with the limbo sensation. Like some kind of Twilight Zone.
I don’t have any wisdom but I can send compassionate thoughts and hope you get a bit of respite and sleep to block out the thoughts for at least a short while.
I totally get where you are coming from. Today is day 32 for me and although I say the right things and I do the right things on the outside it’s a completely different story on the inside. On the Inside I’m screaming and feel so out of place in this world.
Rachel was only 33 when she was knocked down and I’m 39 and as much as I know I have lot to live for as I’m close with my parents, my brothers, all my wee neices and nephews and friends if I was given the choice to be with Rachel now and leave everything behind It would be Rachel here I come. I miss her so so much and I love her more with each passing day.
I’ve never had suicidal thoughts as I wouldn’t pass this feeling of grief on to anyone but it is so hard at the moment and I dint see a day where I’ll be happy again.
I suppose all we can do is keep taking each day at a time
The title of this thread is What’s the Point?
For me, Sunny’s death has made me realise that my sense of purpose and motivation was all wrapped up in him, in “us” and our plans for the future, and our hopes and dreams. From me going to the gym and trying to look nice, to enjoying cooking a meal for us, to researching holidays, or buying him a little treat, was all bound up in “us”. It was the same for him too. In the last 7 months since he died, I’ve lost most of that sense of purpose, and it’s awful.
But I know in my heart that if he was sitting next to me now (how I desperately wish he was),'he’d say “come on babe, you’ve got your sibs, nieces/ nephews and friends who all love you. and need you. You’ve got your work, your swimming and your love of gardening, and so much to give. I love you and I want you to be happy in your life, Soph”.
So I do feel that for him, and his pride in me, and for my own sake, I’ll have to find the strength in my own time to discover some new sense of purpose. I have no children, but the good people in my life have helped me to know that I’m loved, at least, and I’m going to take care of myself by only being with people who support and care about me. As time goes on I’m going to explore doing some things I’ve never done before, and hope that something will feel like it’s right up my street.
With love to anyone who reads this.
I could have written this myself.
Your feelings echo mine completely.
Flaws n all ‘my Jim’ was my Jim for 50+ years and don’t know how I can go on in this limbo
My dear wee Mammy died in Feb 17, my Dad in Nov 17. I thought I knew grief but had my strong dear husband by my side to help me, to understand & to comfort me even though he was hurting too.
Then covid came & took him in January 2021.
I am an orphan and a widow.
I can accept being an orphan, I will never accept being a widow. Ever. It’s not the way it was meant to be.
I will not use the W word I’m still married and always will be
Sounds like you have been though a rough time
Take care xx
Aww Maigret I understand completely with everything you said
Losing my husband is the most painful,crushing thing I’ve ever thought possible
I’m sorry to have read about your losses, both older and recent. I thought my Husband was invincible and my Mum in her 80’s old and frail. Turned out my Mum was the tough one as she was around for 5 years after my Husband passed away until we lost her a few weeks ago. I don’t really know what I am, yes an adult orphan as you say. If on a form there is no widow option to tick and it’s just married/single/divorce I’d always choose married. Unless it’s a legal form of course, I’m all for making a point until there’s the possibility of a hefty fine for misrepresentation or fraud. Either way its a horrible situation. Take care.
Thanks for all understanding… we all get it, don’t we?
One year ago yesterday we sat down to our last meal together
One year ago today we both felt ill & next day I booked a drive in test.
Results came back, both positive for covid
Rapid deterioration. We both lay together holding hands, both worried sick for each other… then ambulance & blue light to hospital
No ward visiting, unfortunately I recovered & could only cry at the hospital window, begging him to come home
13th Jan his life ended & so did mine. My poor handsome, funny, clever big strong guy, he didn’t deserve this.
I don’t think I deserve this. It just wrong, so very wrong.
Thinking of you such a sad story x
Just recently I feel like I’m a little girl that has been left all alone. No parents and for the last 14 months no husband. We’d been married 48 years and together 52. I feel lost and abandoned. Beginning to wonder if I’m losing my mind. My husband would never have left me if he could have helped it. Wonder if I’ll ever feel any better.
I do too. Wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling so alone, abandoned & crushingly unhappy.
I don’t know what to do, how to help myself.
I can’t do another 25 years of this, doubted if I could do a year. Yet, hell- here I am.
But it’s not me really.
Just a very thin shadow & foggy brain, no plan, nothing to look fwd to.
Yes we make it somehow through each day but the sheet energy to get there takes its toll. I feel each day that ‘I make it’ a further piece of me has died inside. I fight daily health issues brought on by the stress following his death. I know that I will never be me again because the person who brought the sunshine into my life has gone.
I am so sorry for your loss and the heartbreak that this brings. I read the posts on the forum and my heart breaks for all, especially those who have lost their soulmates.
I certainly feel abandoned. Partly by friends/family but more so abandoned by my husband himself. He could have prevented this from happening, he could have just listened and given up the motorbike. Those he has left behind deal with the consequences of his decision every day. I love my husband and that love grows stronger everyday but instead of the retirement/future we had planned, I just wonder how long now before we are reunited.
How I wish it could be different for us. I can understand your grief and I know you understand mine . The last thing he done on his phone was to screenshot my pic , zoom in & saved it in his gallery. That guy loved me, so much.
I have the TV on (been in bed all day) & my husband would be telling me “c’mon … enough … get your act together, what are you doing to yourself”
Oh to hear that voice saying that to me.
So many films on at this time of year we used to watch. Just hurts so much.
I am thinking of you Sheila
I feel the same my husband passed away 13 weeks ago,we were married nearly 52yrs,miss him so much its torture,never lived on my own before,feeling lost,vulnerable,
heartbroken,not sleeping well not eating well
so much pain for us all
So sorry for you, I feel as if you are me ,everything you say I can say exact same I could have written it word for word so I know what hell your going through. PLEASE dont give up let’s pray for a little light from somewhere just to give a little hope x take care
we all feel like this at some point in grief. I know I did. try very very slowly to carry on. no pressure. go easy on yourself he would want you to.
What is your story " lost thanks to the NHS" to talk help s have you thought to get a counselling sesions with Sue Ryder.
I am with you i understand what is the point, suddently life takes what it gave you and leave you with nothing the material things don’t matter, even though help to go through day by day.