Hello everyone! I’ve posted before about losing my wonderful Mum and it’s been 7 weeks since my life changed forever. As I’m on my own and have no-one really to talk to, I wondered if anyone has any advice about when the crying will ease. I can burst into tears about anything (seeing her favourite foods on the shelves in the supermarket, hearing her name, or just being near her things in the house) and I’m worrying a little that I may be losing my grip and going mad. I’m finding hard to deal with and hard to cope with the emptiness of my life now she’s gone. I don’t know how to manage without her, and some I know seem to think I should have moved on by now and be “getting over it”. But I can’t I know in my head she’s gone but my heart hasn’t caught up yet and I don’t know what to do. How has anyone else dealt with this and learned to cope? Any advice would be welcome, especially as we are all in very similar situations.
Thank you Tara for your kind words and support. It really means a lot right now to know that there are people out there who do care, and I especially need that right now. Take care
In the beginning the crying was very intense and constant. Gut wrenching crying that was so painful. And also totally uncontrollable.
I am 3 yrs on now and I still cry. It has eased if course but it’s now more quietly done. Mostly in private or in company when something triggers me. The horrible pounding feeling in my heart is still there though.
It’s all about crying when you have to. Don’t try to stop the tears. Let them flow. They will ease a little in time.
Hi Deborah. It’s so kind of you to message me back. I was beginning to wonder if I was losing my mind with all the crying. It helps, but when I stop I’m right back where I started. I suppose it’s a matter of time, and maybe things will then begin to ease a little. I don’t know, I hope so. At least knowing others are going through similar things helps, as I don’t feel so alone. Thank you once again. Look after yourself
Hi. You don’t have to worry about things being normal or not, most reactions are, especially in the first months. And you know I think you should ignore those who say you should be over it already.
I can control the crying a little better now, but it’s still as bad when it happens and sometimes I still get triggered unexpectedly. In one way it’s good to cry, because you build up all these feelings inside and they need to come out, and crying is like a safety valve, letting the pressure out.
I agree Ulma when you say totally ignore people who say you should be over it by now.
Personally I don’t think I will ever get over it as is so often said. It’s just learning to live alongside it. Grief is a part of me now. We can only hope to manage it as best we can.
Thank you for caring. I’m not too bad. Still having bad days and slightly less bad days. But the uncontrollable crying is easing somewhat. I think it’s just a matter of facing up to the new reality that my life is now.
Thanks for replying. It really means a lot right now to know others are there for support.
I’m dreading Christmas this year. My Mum loves it, looking at all the decorations in the shops and planning how to decorate the house (I still can’t think of her in the past tense, it hurts too much!). I won’t bother much I don’t think this year - it will be too much effort on my own so I’ll probably just put a little tree up.
I hope that you’ll be ok, and like you say we’ll just have to keep plodding on and coping as best we can, hard as it is.
I will go to St Davids Cathedral which is near where I live and attend their service of dedicating the tree to loved ones. It’s always so special.
Then it’s a very quiet Christmas Day as my husband lost his mum a month ago so it’s now the both of us that have lost our mum’s. I will try to re create a happy day but the tears be very close.
I keep telling myself it’s just one day .
I am also going to try to make new traditions but what they will be I dont know yet.
I will put my tree up for the first time in 3 yrs so that’s a huge improvement for me as I couldn’t face it previously
I think this year I will just put a small tree up with my Mum’s favourite decorations on it. I don’t have the heart for it really, but I think it will be more miserable if I don’t do something, especially when everyone else roundabout has. I know it will be hard, but as you say it’s only one day, which I will spend on my own, watching TV and eating chocolate!
I hope both of you will be ok and I’m sending and to you both. You’ll need to take care of each other now.
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to you both. You’ll need to take care of each other now.