I’m wide awake. Everyone else in the house is asleep and I’m doing my best not to cry and wake them all up. I’m 8 weeks in and every time time I cry it’s like it just happened yesterday, I sob uncontrollably. It just appears from nowhere, one minute I’m ok and the next, I’m a wreck. Please tell me this gets better. I don’t remember being this bad when my mum died, but that was expected and a bit of a release and a mercy. My love died suddenly, with no warning. I just want this physical pain to stop 
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My partner passed away in 2022, She took her own life, things do get better with time but you will always have these feelings. I do always, I know how you feel but your life will get better. Things are not destined to be bad forever, I don’t want to sound patronising so I apologize if I do.
If you need to message me and ask me any questions that’s fine, I had to for a while on SOBs as I was lost. A few months down the line and I’m a little bit better. I hope you are ok.
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This sounds as if youre in my head ,i am EXACTLY the same . Im okay and then simetimes out of the blue im crying and cant stop and i get into such a panicked uncontrollable state . I lost my daughter 10 weeks ago through illness
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I’m so sorry to hear this. You must feel awful. And yes, out of the blue. Fine one minute and howling the next! Someone was nice to me this morning and I cried for half an hour. It’s unbearable xx
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Yes I feel exactly the same as you all, my mum was sudden at the end of December and I found her at home. Its like it’s getting worse and I am having more melt downs than I was before and I have no tolerance anymore. Someone even as you say asking how you are and it sets you off and you can’t stop. I don’t know what it is and the waking up at 3am and you can’t get back to sleep. Hope everyone gets some comfort soon it’s good to know not alone with this.
Valda x
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That happened to me yesterday. Someone just asked how I was and off I went. I have no control over it, it just bubbles up. Today, I’m not too bad and am taking the win. Under no illusions though, I know it is going to hit me again. The middle of the night is when I imagine all sorts of horrible things and once I’m awake, that’s it, I can’t get back to sleep. Sending you hugs xx
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I was not too bad today until i got a nice text from a friend and then it hit me all over again as if it happened yesterday . I know for me ots only been 10 weeks today but sime days i feel worse than day before ,i wasnt expecting it to get worse . I slept really well first few weeks now im wide awake at night and cant sleep
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Hello
Life is so cruel
You are allowed to cry
It’s your body coping with the pain of loosing someone you loved so much
In time it does get easier to cope with the loss but the heartache never leaves you
You might want to get in contact with your Dr to see if they can give you something to help you sleep as you will get ill if your not sleeping
Wishing you all the best
Xx
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I never expected things to get worse but I think shock carries us through the first few weeks, then reality kicks in and thats when the pain gets really bad. Im at 6 months now and I still cry most days as I miss him so much, but I can also laugh and have fun with friends. There’s no short cuts sadly, it takes as long as it takes, we all have to do it in our own way. Hugs to you all xx
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That’s how I feel. I thought I was coping but when I cry now it is even worse than when it first happened. The floodgates open and I have this awful pain in my chest. I still can’t believe it. I keep expecting to wake up and it has all been a horrible dream. I’m sure we all feel like that xx
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Yeah i have that tightness in my chest too when im absolutely distraught with emotion . Sometimes i stop myself from crying because im scared to go to that pit of despair i case i cant get out of it
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Its anxiety and it’s horrible! I had never had it before and because my mum died of a sudden heart attack doctor sent me for checks as nothing in her history and she said what it was. No time limit as to how long it will last and sometimes no matter what breathing exercises you do it doesn’t go until you eventually calm yourself down. Xx
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Yeah youre probably right ,it is anxiety and it is awful . Once that feeling starts its unstoppable. Im a fairly confident person and have never experienced anything like this before
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I’ve always been upbeat and positive, so I can’t believe how bad I feel. I’ve lost family members and not felt this much despair. So glad I’m not alone in feeling like this xx
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Honestly Dublin girl you are asking a lot of yourself if you expect the pain and the crying to stop in a few weeks. It doesn’t I’m afraid. Don’t be frightened of the tears they are a release valve and usually a good cry will help you to calm down later. Why would you want to stop crying for someone you loved so much anyway and the tears will get slowly less in time.
No your not alone in your despair. I thought I was a tough person and knew I was about to lose my beloved husband and as I had lost other close family members I thought I would cope but his loss was totally different. No matter how we lose them it is still traumatic and no less painful.
Now over three years on I can still cry but I do have a life which suits me now. I have adapted but my husband is never far away from my thoughts.
When does the crying stop you ask. I doubt it ever will but it does become less painful.
xx
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My husband died unexpectedly on 16/01/23. He had been in hospital since 17/12. We were both admitted within 5 hours of each other with life threatening throat infections. I was lucky I was treated with antibiotics and steroids but his had become something called Ludwig’s Angina and need emergency surgery. He came through this but then got infected with pseudomonas and had to be readmitted to ICU. To cut a long story short, he recovered from that too but the hospital failed to extubate him in time and the infection flared up again. He was on a ventilator, awake, for 26 days and when they did extubate him he died. The worst thing of all is that he had just been diagnosed with an extreme rare form of MND, called Flail Arm Phenotype. This has an average prognosis of 5 years to dying of old age. He has a couple of other chest issues that complicated matters. I feel so robbed. We knew we wouldn’t grow old together but even the few years we should’ve had was taken from us, and the last month of that he was in ICU and he was unable to talk. He was 51. I have cried every day since 17/12. Both of my parents are dead. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. I do not expect to stop crying any time soon. Be kind to yourself.
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Oh Lizzy my heart goes out to you, I know just how you are feeling. You also need to be kind to yourself but from experience, its easier said than done for sure. I lost my parents a long time ago and have no kids so its just me. I also feel robbed of my future, been exactly 6 months today for me, its been a rocky road but I’m learning to cope xx
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I had a good day today and only cried once! Went in the garden and found a white feather on the seat he last sat on out there, and it made my day. I’m choosing to believe it was a sign and I said thank you to him out loud. I’m under no illusions that I won’t cry again tomorrow but today was better xx
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Hi, i lost my gorgeous man Shaun in Dec 22. I am just lost. He was my world. I lived for him and our life together. We just had eachother, no friends to speak of as we thought we didnt need any as we had eachother. Now my world is a mess. His sister and daughter have been truly amazing but i sometimes hold my emotions back so i dont upset them which makes me worse! I feel like im in a well and desperately trying to get of anything to help me out. I hear and see people, especially partners laughing and carrying on with life and i feel so lost. No purpose anymore. I struggle everyday to get out of bed. I have a job but dont want to go back as he was my go to everyday i would phone him sometimes 4-5 ,times.
I feel my life is over. I am still so devastated. Im sorry, just a bit overwhelming writing this… Love and healing to you all…
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I can relate to that one minute im fine then the next sobbing uncontrollably. Took the dog for a walk earlier and saw two neighbours one asked how i was doing and to stay strong, the other just gave me the ‘i dont know what to say look but i feel for you’. When i got indoors i just burst into tears, it seems to be getting worse the further into this i go
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