when should I go back to work and what do I do if I'm having a bad day?

My husband passed away in April of this year after a long illness, we have a 15 year old daughter and I worked a 4 day week as well as cared for him. I went back to work in June just doing two days a week but I don’t feel particularly supported and when I am having a bad day still feel I have to put on my ‘I’m doing OK’ mask. My GP has been fantastic. I just feel quite very alone, as it would be my husband I would turn to for reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. Our daughter has been remarkable but I do worry about her as she is having a rough time and she also lacks support. She will talk to me but also being a teenager and with gcse’s coming up she’s getting very low, I know some of it is normal teenage stuff but she won’t talk to anyone else about losing her Dad, I think from fear of getting up set which I do reassure her it is good to let it out. Trying to juggle my daughters wellbeing and future without dragging myself down is hard and today I just feel broken.

Hi beck55,

I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my mum suddenly in june and although she wasnt my partner she may as well have been because she brought my daughter up with me and lived with us. My daughter who is 12 has lost her second mum.
I think you did brilliantly to get back to work just 2 months later.i had an emotional breakdown the day after mums funeral and went to my GP who signed me off work. I only went back to work last week, 16 weeks after mum died. Perhaps you could consider taking time off work or reducing your hours if you can afford it.
We are now having to live a completely new life and it’s not easy particularly as I have now lost my support mechanism for my daughter who refuses to discuss my mum.
There are online sites for children and teenagers who have lost a loved one if your daughter wanted to get support more anonymously. I think children are really good at coping with grief. I see my daughter cry and assume it’s about my mum when it’s actually an issue with her friends at school.
I hope things get better soon for you x

Thank you for your kind words and it’s reassuring to know that your daughter sounds very similar to mine, she does get upset but then you do find out it’s usually about something school or friend related. I have reduced my days I work but then I get the guilt trip of others having to pick up my work load, not great support all round really just as long as they’ve ticked all their right boxes. Having cared for my husband for a number of years I also feel I’ve lost my purpose in life and now looking for a new purpose. I hope things improve for you too and you get the support you need, thanks again for your kindness x

Glad I was of some comfort.
Nothing is going to bring our loved ones back but I dont think I would have got through without others sharing their stories and feelings on this site.
Dont feel guilty about anyone picking up your workload. I’m sure you’ve picked up others in the past at work. I know I’ve worked so hard for 16 years in my organisation. I dont feel guilty. I needed some help and I’ve taken it.
To be fair my work have been great and very supportive and I appreciate not everyone has this experience.
I’m also getting help in the form of counselling. I can’t say it’s doing much for me but I’m willing to try.
The truth is I dont think I will ever get over the loss of my mum and I will just have to learn to live alongside it.
I expect the same will be for you x

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