When the loss is new

When I first lost my husband friends were saying “ I’m here for you if you need anything” or “ you know where I am “ then its like as soon as they have said it your forgotten and in the last four months NOTHING . Am I being selfish in thinking not even a text asking how I am or anything .
I understand people have their own lives to lead and I’m not a part of their lives but I can’t get my head round people saying things just because it’s the norm or it’s expected to say these things in these situations .
I know I’m still grieving and finding this loneliness extremely hard and probably just feeling sorry for myself .
Oh well plod on thanks for reading any advice is gratefully appreciated

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Hi you can always talk to me,my husband passed away December the 5 the pain is unbearable as for friends I have found unless it happened to them they don’t understand x

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Debbie55 thank you so much I have a friend who lost her husband just before Christmas she feels the same .I keep trying to get her to come in this site ,she lives miles away from me so we can’t support each other only in messages .
Your exactly right unless it happens to them they just don’t understand the level of pain and feeling of loneliness.
I lost my husband suddenly on 1st September and since then there has been only one day that I have not cried .
I find comfort in such silly things ie when my rob took ill I had to fetch the neighbour so when his car is in the drive ( he sometimes stays at his partners house) I feel a sense of security . I like to be in bed before neighbours are in bed and their lights are off it’s just crazy .
I have two kids who are my rocks but they have their own lives to lead and families .

same Kazzer. I did get some new year texts from people saying they were thinking of me but when I replied they don’t reply back, they see their job of a 30 second text as done. I’ve never been needy to other people until now (except my husband). its so lonely.

FleurDelis thank you for your continued support you have replied so many times to my many posts .
It’s comforting ( if that’s the right word) to know I’m not the only one with these feelings and maybe not selfish.
Thanks a million :heart::two_hearts::heart:

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I go bed about 7 now I lock the house up around 5,i go bed feeling sick wake up feeling sick,pain so raw ,I have 2 sons one has is own place younger son is going back uni February that going to be so hard as I will be on my own in a house that has so many memories and that really does hurt xx

Debbie55 I lock my door early I have this thing about going in the shower while it’s still light outside . I go to bed and play games on my phone I wake early and play games .
I have gone back to work and find this helps to take my mind off things while I’m on shift but like you I come home to the house where we have lived for 30 years so I also have lots of memories .
I like to be at home I feel closer to him.
I have considered asking on here if anyone local wants to meet up after covid obviously you never know there maybe someone living close to us who is seeking the same . I have looked on the internet for things for single women but it’s all dating sites and I don’t want that it’s far from what I’m looking for

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Hi sorry for your loss your not beeing selfish i lost my partner 6 months ago and all i will say is its in the worst storms you find out who your real friends are the ones who are there for you
Take care.xx

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Fig15 your definitely not wrong there and it’s always the one you least expect that’s there all the way take care stay safe and please keep chatting x​:heart::two_hearts:

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Hi Kazzer,

This is precisely why I’ve joined.

My mom passed away, and like you say I had one or 2 texts off people saying they’re there for me - then nothing else - not even at New Year - just a couple. Those messages seem so empty, just a duty they had to fulfil.
But strangely I’ve had really nice messages from people who’re not so close. It’s the ones I consider closest I feel let down by.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so isolated in my life. & Covid is obviously making the situation worse as can’t even go out to take my mind off things.

So you’re definitely not on your own, I feel I need to find some new like minded friends.

Sending you a hug x

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Anna32hol it’s always the one you least expect to be there for you and as you say this covid is also playing a big part in everything and so limiting.
Finding like minded friends is like looking for a needle in a haystack. I put something into my search engine on my iPad but everything is centred around dating that’s not what I’m looking for

I agree, I just want to have people to talk to, people who understand.
I feel so let down by some of my ‘close’ friends, I have to keep making excuses in my head for them. But in reality I actually feel I don’t really have anyone that close I can count on - not friends anyway x

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I lost my wife in late April and understand what you’re feeling. This isn’t advice just recognition from a fellow traveler. Like you friends and people I knew said the same sort of things. It took me a long time to realise that although they genuinely meant what they’d said, there was the barrier of loss between us that made it hard to engage with them. Exaggerated by the memory of an inclusive love, friendship and companionship that my wife gave me it was difficult to respond to these expressions of concern and they eventually dried up. I’m getting better at the loneliness and separateness of my life now, it’s not easy and its difficult to imagine what will replace those conversations, looks and presence that were part of my life for so long, but that’s a reality I need to accept.

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I’m in the same position. 7 months in and the grief and loneliness is unbearable.
Message me anytime and we can support each other.

Lyndal it’s not the carrying in it’s the carrying in alone and the evenings are the worst . I finish shift work sometime at 10pm and walking into an empty house is horrendous I have three dogs ( chihuahuas) but it’s not quite the same as walking into my Rob and talking over the events of my shift .
Fingers crossed the summer months and lighter nights will help make a difference for a couple of months. Thanks for your reply and offer of a chat and yes we can and will support each other take care stay safe x x x

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@Kazzer
I am hoping the same, get through these dark, cold evenings, in the spring it will be warmer, lighter and hopefully less covid restrictions

I lost my husband December 5 and all I have done is drink
Everyday seems hell and all I do is cry and drink xx

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Hang in there, like I’m doing, just on a thread. X

I’ve also just lost my husband to this vile virus 6 weeks he tried to battle it but we lost him on New Years Day and I am absolutely devastated I can’t sleep eat breathe everything seems pointless and every day is more painful. We have two beautiful children 18 and 20 who both do live with me and are so brave and strong but even their company and support is not helping me. All I want is my husband and I know I can’t get him back and it is crucifying g me. I am sorry I can’t offer much support to anyone but I can say I know exactly how you feel because I am going through this nightmare myself and know that the rest of my life will seem pointless but I have to try for our children’s sake however painful it is going to be :frowning:

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The pain is unbearable I feel sick all day ,
Cry I can’t stop ,I have 2 sons and 2 grandsons,
I can’t even think about them at the min ,
Just want Andy my husband back ,
My husband believes in life after death,
He always believed there was no hell ,
Well I know for sure now there is such thing as hell
As I am in it and sure you all feel the same xx

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