It’s 6 days since it happened. Since my life was turned upside down.
I can’t bear it. I know I need to be strong for my children, and for his, but I don’t think I can do life without him. Yesterday, I visited the mortuary again, and for a split second I wanted to die in there with him.
I’ve been surrounded by people since it happened, but I can’t speak to the one person I need.
We’re still waiting for the postmortem, that’s not helping. And some blended family complications are rearing their head.
I’m so angry with the world right now x
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So very sorry that this has happened to you. If possible, look at the people around you and find one or two who can actually and actively support you and the children. Accept any help offered, especially for practical things. When conflicts arise, maybe just say: we are all so sad just now, let’s try to help each other.
Try to give yourself some space and fresh air - it does help.
You will find strength and the pain will ease, but don’t try to be too brave just now. Everyone in this community is on your side - we’ve all had our own version of this to live through, but yours is special to you.
Keep using this forum to say how you are feeling if it’s hard to say in person. It helps, even in a small way, to know you are in touch with people who understand.
Love
Sal
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Thank you @Salsnips
His adult children want their mum at the funeral to support them, but I just don’t know if I can cope with that. I tried lots of times to speak to her over the years, there was no reason for animosity between us, and she has been actively rude. My husband detested her (sad I know, but there was a lot went on before I came on the scene).
If she comes, it would be against his wishes. If she doesn’t, it could mean the end of any relationship I have with them.
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Hello, I think sometimes you need to put yourself first, you’ll only have your husbands funeral once & it will be hard enough without her being there as well.
His children are Adults they can support each other.
Your husband wouldn’t have wanted her there so do what you & your husband want.
Just explain to them there dad did not want her to attend & they could bring there partners or a friend if they need additional support?
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When will this pain end? lm asking why are we in any pain at all?
Did we love too deeply, too long? l just dont understand.
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I so wish the pain would end i miss my husband so much not only was he my husband he was also my bestfriend i could talk to him about anything and he always listen to me i have never loved anyone the way i loved him and still love him so much think thats why i am in so much pain when i lost him it was like part of me was missing and it still feels the same after nearly 5 months
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@sue11
Yes! The person you could say absolutely anything to, and they would listen and love you the same 
I do hope this eases for us both soon xx
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My husband was so understanding when i lost my mum he was there for her when she was really unwell near the end he gave me so much support i lost my mum to cancer Oct 2019 and then lost my husband to cancer Oct last year even though my husband had cancer he stlll wanted to look after me and make sure i was coping with what he was going through it just made me love him so much more and i also hope this eases for you soon xx
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hi TT
I can see why you don’t want your stepchildrens mother at the funeral, but I wonder if it would be as bad as falling out with them.
I know it isn’t at all in the same league but I agreed to Richard’s mother’s choice of some of the music at his service. I hated it, and I know he would have too. But he knew nothing about it (as I believe) and it comforted her.
You know that you were so much more to him than his ex - do you have anything to lose by her being there? Your focus will be on him and your love for him, and your children and your friends will be there for you.
Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, but I would hate a decision you make now in your very raw state to cause you more distress in the future.
Best wishes
Sal
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Sorry 
god bless xx
Same with my husband too ! He looked after me tughtbuntil the end oh god love em ! Xxx
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Anger is good, shouting at walls helps too. Time doesn’t heal the pain, you just learn to manage it. Stay strong
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