My home is best place, even on my own!
Dear All,
I have only recently returned this site, for both reading threads or writing. Until this week I hadn’t written for sometime, as just before the present situation arose with the outbreak of the Coronavirus I had decided to make a move from my home to a local Retirement Village. In fact last time I wrote here I mentioned that I would be making the life changing move, and would let you know how things went.
After two years living on my own, since my beloved husband and soul-mate died, I decided to sell the home in which my husband and I had spent the last twelve years of our retirement together. I so often felt lonely, even though my daughter lives within ten minutes drive, and my son a couple of hour’s drive away, and we kept fairly frequent contact with each other, allowing for the fact they have to work and lead their own lives. My home was sold, subject to contract, and I had made the decision to move into a modern Retirement complex. However, after making a start on all the necessary legal proceedings, I began to feel very upset about leaving my home. I realised that at first I would not know anyone at the Retirement Complex, and although I was told there were planned gatherings from time to time, I just could not picture myself living there. The apartment I had intended to buy looked out on the communal gardens, but I knew it would not feel the same as my own garden, just outside my kitchen door, where my husband and I had spent many happy hours, not only gardening, but often just content to sit there with each other. In due course, I cancelled the retirement apartment, and decided to buy another bungalow, a little nearer to my daughter’s, but having a smaller garden, that I felt would be easier to manage. Again, I am sorry to say, I could not imagine living in the new bungalow, and found myself weeping more than usual over the thought moving without my beloved husband to share it with. Eventually, I decided I had better not move, but stay in my present bungalow with all the lovely memories of my life here with Alan and the benefit of friendly neighbours. As soon as I had informed the Solicitor, estate agent, etc that I wished to pull out of the arrangement, I began to feel better and more content with my life. Yes, I still miss my husband, no doubt always will, but can now continue to feel his love and presence around me. To me, moving house, was yet another loss, and I could not take it.
Finally, I have friends and relatives who live quite happily in Retirement Villages, but realised it was not for me. So, I say to those of you who may be thinking of making such a move, please weigh up everything carefully as to whether the move is right for yourself. If it is, then go ahead. If not, appreciate the benefits of what you have. With my thoughts and blessings to you all at this difficult time in our lives. Deidre
Hi Deidre, thank you so much for this informative view on moving. I very nearly took the step of moving and not sure it’s still out of the question. I had asked, no a better word is nagged my husband for years to move house. This was his house when I married him and he had lived here with his previous wife. I felt the house was nothing to do with me and I was no more than a lodger, I always called this house, HIS house. When he died I was all for selling it in the first week if It could have been possible. But when I started to look around I just couldn’t get the feel for moving from this house. No property made me feel it was right. I felt anxious at the thought of moving so I am giving myself more time. What I have discovered is that the town I always maintained I didn’t like is actually making me feel more secure. When I am out there is always people that wave or stop for a chat with me, I had never noticed this before. My husband was born in this town and his ashes are in the local cemetery and I can go and talk to him.
I do wonder if Brian is having some sort of power over me even in death and probably having a good laugh at my indecision. I still feel as if I am living in his house even after thirty years of marriage but there is so much of him here and so many reminders that at first caused me to be upset but now makes me feel comfortable and as though I do belong here after all.
So time will tell I suppose.
Pat xxx
Dear Pat, Thank you for replying to my post. I am glad that after much indecision you are now feeling comfortable in your home, with happy memories of the years where you have lived and loved life. It is good that you have given yourself more time to decide on such an important decision as to whether you move, or stay put.
Blessings.
Deidre xx