Where did that come from!

Last week I was on holiday with my daughter, son in law and teenage grandchildren. We were in Cornwall, a favourite place for Doug and I. We had a wonderful time, everywhere we went Doug was part of our conversation, “remember when dad did this or granddad said that” we laughed, we smiled, we remembered. He would have loved watching our grandchildren learning to surf.
We spent a day on the beach in Looe where his ashes were scattered last year, on his birthday. I can honestly say I felt happy to be with my family and thinking about Doug didn’t make me sad.
I wasn’t looking forward to coming back home and being on my own again, but it wasn’t too bad until today.
I’ve just watched carousel on the TV, it was Doug’s favourite musical, and I sobbed my way through most of the film.
I just miss him so much, I miss his love, his kiss and his hugs, I just miss everything about our life together.
Yesterday I was positive, today I’m not so sure how or what I’m feeling, apart from miserable and a deep yearning of not having him here with me.
Debbie X


Oh Debbie, I totally understand how you’re feeling.

I can have days, weeks sometimes where I’m positive and coping without Ian and then, bang, I’m absolutely knocked sideways again with that deep yearning for him which you describe.

It’s a feeling that starts in my stomach in the mornings and creeps up on me more as the day goes on.

There’s nothing we can do other than go with it. It will lift again and we’ll be ok and more positive again Debbie.

We can’t have so many years of love, companionship and caring for each other without having this deep, deep loss we feel after their passing.

I know you’ll get back to feeling ok again soon, but please know that I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Big hugs
Janey xx


Hi Debbie,

I have had a terrible day today also. I have been like this from the moment I got up and I’m still crying now. I have had a few brief moments when I have stopped crying and I just ask my husband where he is. I know I will never get used to this life I have now. Like you I just miss everything about my lovely husband.

Take care.x


Day to day , ups and downs .

It’s all part of it and very normal and will happen again .We love them deeply it’s so hard.


Hi Janey, thank you, it’s hard isn’t it.

I think the week got off to a difficult start, Cruse phoned me for my assessment, I spent nearly an hour talking about the events leading up to Doug dying, than a catch-up doctors appointment on how I am coping.
Watching carousel was probably not the best of ideas, I should stick to watching commonwealth games.
Your right I will get back to being positive and okay, but sometimes it just hits you out the blue.
Sending love
Debbie X


Hi @Loobyloo2 and @Northumbrian54, this journey is not easy is it. We never know from day to day how we are going to be.
I think having spent the last week with my family being on my own this week has been harder than I thought.
I see both of you are still early on in your journey, it’s been 17 months for me and like Janey said , I do have weeks when I’m positive and okay, but just every now and then a bad day.
Sending love to you both
Debbie X


Thank you Debbie for your kind words. Much appreciated.X

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Sorry you have had a bad day. I think it does hit you hard when you’ve been away with family and had people around you and you go back to the empty house and on your own again. Not sure if we’ll ever get used to it.
Hope tomorrow is better for you xxx


Going back to an empty house is always the hardest part when you’ve been away or had visitors to stay and those feelings will take
a while to go I tell myself that tomorrow is another day but today I’m sad and weepy and that’s ok too x


@Shirleymc Yes, I thought I was getting better, but went back into our house last week after being away - and it suddenly hit me that my Sharon wasn’t there and never would be. Desperate panic attack, crushing grief - just awful… there aren’t the words to explain it.


It’s the hardest thing I think we have to get used to as it just brings back all the pain and hurt of our loss each time we go away. My grandson goes home today and the anxiety is just under the surface waiting to bite me . It’s the price we pay for loving and caring x


Thinking of you today Shirley, it’s to easy to get used to family being with you and it hits you hard when they go home.
Love Debbie X


Thanks Debbie Yes it does it hard when they leave feeling a bit lost but they will be back again soon. Xx

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Hi DenisS and @shirleymc

You are both so right. I went out last night for a meal with three friend. One is divorced but the other two
are ( thankfully ) still married. They were having a little moan about their husbands and it cut like a knife.

One of the girls (none of us are girls but I like to remember!) suggested we have a day trip to York in a few weeks. I was gutted, although it was kindly meant, as it was one of mine and Derek’s favourite places in this country. We went there a couple of days after our wedding in June 1973, just for the day as we were young and didn’t have the money for a honeymoon. I didn’t have the heart to say no but how do I go back there without my beloved soulmate?

I don’t drive so got dropped off and got home about 9.30, saw to the dog and burst into tears.

Today I’ve just sat here at home feeling desolate. You both say exactly how I feel.

Take care lovely people xx


Totally get all these emotions xx
Going with the flow can be ok and also can’t be ok
The loneliness is the tough part of carrying on.
Sending hugs

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I know exactly what you mean having also just been away with family . Lovely though they are there is always that person missing ! Always will be and not sure if it will ever be different ! Sure I will never be happy again but I do after almost three years feel acceptance of my life alone . Yes there are days I just want to curl
Up and not speak to anyone but I give myself a shake and move on. So many folk suffer like we do and worse too.
I think acceptance is the most we can hope for and be thankful we have our families to spend time with . Take care :two_hearts: