Hi Solo, I lost my wife, my soul mate of 45 years, 6 months ago due to a misdiagnosis. She’d still be here if they’d removed the mole when she first asked. Everything you are feeling and wondering about is exactly what everybody else on this forum is going through. I thought it was just me - was I being weak, should I be over it by now? It was this site that made me realise I was normal and other people loved their lost family members/friends just as much as me. I’ve cried every day for the last 6 months, spent a lot of that time just sat on the sofa and hit the bottle more times than I’d care to admit to. Like you, the despair at times was overwhelming and to be honest, if Dignitas had been local, I probably would have paid them a visit. BUT my wife would have been very upset if I had so I haven’t done anything stupid. Like you, we did everything together, even driving to the dump was enjoyable because we were together. I miss the stroke of her hand on mine, her smile, her smell and her hugs (I’m crying now). Her coat is still hanging where she left it and her shoes.
As for your activities, what you do is up to you. People will give you advice but what you need to do - or not do - is what works for you. You don’t need to make any hard decisions now. I wanted to smash up all my ‘stuff of interests’ at first because I realised they weren’t important, I’d lost the only thing that was really important to me. I’m still not into them. We used to do gardening together, now all those plants just remind me that she’s not here.
I resigned from work and retired, I wouldn’t be able to cope with dealing with people/customers anymore but I think I’m starting to begin to cope.
I don’t cry now when I see her favourite things in the supermarket anymore, they just remind me of how sad I am.
We are going through the worst time of our lives, its happened to everyone before us and will happen to everybody in the future and all that can be done for us is to say “Hang on in there, eventually it will get easier to cope.”