7 weeks ago I lost my beautiful mum, as some people on here are already aware.
Right now I feel as if I’m going insane constantly researching the afterlife, what is wrong with me? I’ve developed such an unhealthy obsession in looking deep into these things. I never gave it much thought before.
My mind simply refuses to believe that she’s truly gone, I don’t want to believe that we cease to exist when we die cause what would be the point in ever exisiting in the first place.
One minute I think I’ve recieved signs that she is around watching over me and the next minute I think it’s just coincidences and I’m being silly.
There’s been times where I’ve really felt her presence, but I’ve recently came across articles that say this is a symptom of grief. So is it just my mind that’s trying to comfort me
I’ve found feathers and said to myself “feathers exist”
I’ve seen a robin in my grans back garden who reminds me of my mum and thought to myself “robins exist”
I’ve heard her funeral song on the radio and thought “it’s just a coincidence”
I’ve even got the free version of amazon music where it only allows you to shuffle songs and have searched the artist of the funeral song and said out loud “mum if you’re here play that song first” was floored when it actually did.
Then to be sure I searched for ‘Madonna’ as me and my mum had a dance routine to her ‘hung up’ song and that started playing first so was very shocked. Guess what I’m even putting that down as a coincidence now.
I’m in so much pain it’s unreal and would feel I could start to move on if I knew for sure it was really her sending me ‘signs’, I hate how my mind works it always searches for logic argh so annoying!
Lol if it really is her, I can imagine her getting annoyed with me, I was always hard work it’s just so hard to believe that there’s anything after death when there’s no proof and so many arguments for and against it.
I am currently trying to find a medium in my area who offers face to face appointments. I’ve been recommended a few goods ones that only offer video call or phone call, I’m not so good with being on the phone and being on video seems embarrassing!
I know what you mean.
I’m a big Madonna fan. Going to see her this year - mum would have been rolling her eyes at me going. Didn’t understand my obsession. Ha.
Have you heard from the coroner ? I hope you’re doing ok x
No I haven’t yet it’s killing me, all I want to know is that she didn’t suffer that’s all I’m bothered about cause anything else that’s mentioned won’t bring her back.
Hope you’re doing okay as can be lovely
I keep telling myself my mum is literally smacking me in the face with signs and I should just accept it as that!
Ive had a few signs but not as clear as yours. They’ve given me great comfort.
I’ve had a rough few days. Panicking that she’s really gone. We are burying her ashes tomorrow so im not sure how that will go.
I know what you mean. I keep thinking if mum suffered too. We do know what happened - a cardiac arrest from a blood clot , but it’s the suffering in the minutes before. So I can’t imagine how you feel not knowing x
I don’t think she did suffer, apparently people are unaware when they pass from a cardiac arrest cause it happens so quickly.
When my mum first got taken by the coroners they said they thought it would be from a cardiac arrest and now I wish it was that cause that’s how I came across them not being aware. Obviously started googling about them didn’t I
I’ve been put on beta blockers as I’ve been having really bad anxiety attacks, mainly first thing in the morning as soon as I open my eyes never suffered anxiety so bad in my life but it is the realisation that I’ll never see my mum again it’s just awful x
Mum was very distressed just before it happened. And that’s what’s upsetting. It was only a few minutes but still. They did revive her and she fought until the next day on a ventilator. But I can’t get my head around those few minutes and how she felt.
I took my first one this morning and I think it did stop me from panicing in all honesty, I’ll keep taking them for a bit and will let you know!
And blooming heck I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood!
I keep thinking about my mum dropping to the floor and just dying all on her own and keep getting so scared about it and I don’t know why
I can totally relate. It’s hard to imagine how they felt then. Trying to think positive that she knew we loved her and everything but just need closure I think.
Hi Jess. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum who was so young must have been so traumatic. I too lost mum in October. She was elderly but it was such a shock. I found her after she had collapsed shortly before.
Mum didn’t call out so I’m assuming she didn’t feel any discomfort and apparently cardiac arrest is basically the heart switching off. Try to focus on that. It’s traumatic losing your mum so suddenly. In time you will feel different. The sadness is always there, but the raw pain from the initial shock will fade.
Always here if you want to chat. Sending love and strength.xx
I sit with my family for comfort but it turns to sadness cause it feels like something is missing and it’s obviously my mum, I am finding it draining to act like everything is okay, my family seem to be dealing with it a lot better than me. I could be wrong but they brush off me wanting to talk about her in so much pain
Like you I don’t know what to believe anymore. Before my husband died last year I believed in everything. I mean the possibility of everything. I was spiritual and slightly religious. Since losing my husband I don’t think I believe in any of it.
I bought a cabinet to display his photos and personal things of his. The lights I bought to go inside would randomly come on and then go off by themselves. I desperately wanted to believe it was him but I think it’s because I bought cheap lights and they are faulty.
I don’t feel his presence anywhere. It’s like he’s ceased to ever exist. It literally fills me with despair. I do think life is really pointless. However I can’t shake my belief in god. So I don’t know what this means. I feel so confused. I worry it’s because my husband didn’t overly believe in anything so maybe he didn’t go to heaven. This thought when he first died used to really trouble me.
I really want to believe and when I’m ready I’m going to book with a medium who comes highly recommended. I have a friend who always checks in on me and tells me I need to believe in my heart that she is still with me and begs me to see the medium for proof, I really want to do it but she only offers it via phone call or video call, I’d much rather see someone face to face but I might have no other option but to go with her as I’ve had a few friends say they wouldn’t go to anyone else and that she even provides names as well as proof. I do believe my mum is still around cause I can’t imagine she isn’t, or is that just wishful thinking
your mum will always be with you.
it’s just so hard to believe that there’s anything after death when there’s no proof and so many arguments for and against it.
that’s all I’m bothered about cause anything else that’s mentioned won’t bring her back.
sorry that you lost your mum to x
