Where is the support?

Losing a parent
#1

Im sorry to come on here and rant but I need to. Lost my Mum, my world in March 22 and i can count on one hand the people who have been there and supported me. I feel alone, lost and heartbroken yet people who i thought would help me are no where. I cannot imagine allowing my friend to go through such a horrific ordeal alone. No texts at Christmas or NY of love and support and hoping i am doing okay…nothing!!! Anyone else have this bitterness? My husband said the people that are here are the ones that matter, guess i should listen.

Happy new year all xx

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#2

Dear @Katie_Louise

Thank you for reaching out to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.

One of the most difficult parts of a bereavement can be the feelings of loneliness that comes with it, nothing can prepare you for it. Some people find it difficult to talk about bereavement and may have a fear of saying the wrong thing to you in case they upset you further.

I want to share a few resources with you that may help you right now.

Sue Ryder also has a Grief Self-Help Service that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief, explore your emotions and feelings and hear from others experiencing grief. When you are ready, it would be worth taking a look at.

Cruse Bereavement have advice on how to cope with the Loneliness . It would be worth having a read to see how it can help and support you.

If you type in the search bar Loneliness you can connect with members here who have experienced and been in the same position as yourself. The support is amazing.

I do hope the above will be of help to you. You are not alone, we are all here to support you.

Take care of yourself.

Pepsi

#3

We are your support as we all know too well what you are going through. I have found that those I thought cared don’t or just don’t know how to approach us and those that I thought would not care have been a total surprise but much welcome support and friend. It is true those that truly matter are counted on one hand and we are fortunate to have them x

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#4

So sorry for your loss Katie. I also lost my Mum in March.

I was just having this conversation a minute ago with my Granddad and a friend who popped round today. She is now 80 and lost her husband 22 years ago.

One of the most shocking and painful things I have discovered is the friends who just disappear. I think there are a lot of reasons. I am 49, my mum was only 70 and many people my age still have their parents. I think many don’t know what to say and it puts a fear of their own situations into place, almost as if it might be catching.

I’ve read one quote a number times but don’t know who said it, with grief friends become strangers and strangers become friends. I have found this to be true.

Like you I can’t help but feel very lonely and at times bitter. People who always sent Mum and I a card ( we lived together), not heard from them. I noticed a distinct lack of any messages last night, I think people feel uncomfortable send a happy new year message to someone grieving. I think people don’t have the words or tools to know what to say.

Some people haven’t shown at all since March, some at the beginning and then just dropped off and others I thought were acquaintances have really stepped up.

Its good to have a rant and let it out! I’m glad you have found here and hope it helps.

Wishing you peace

Beki x

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#5

Hi
I have one true friend who supports me and I her. My husband died 20th June 2022 whilst on holiday and my friend came to be with me even though her own husband died a month after.
Like my husband there was no warning :warning:
But she has her own children and grandchildren so I don’t like putting on her.
I have a son but he is severely autistic.
But what I do have is 2 sisters and a brother who came to my husband funeral and said the things they think you want to hear and walked away.
If I think about it long enough I could get annoyed and upset with my siblings but to be honest they are not worth it.
Xxx

#6

I was saying this only today to our daughter & that some days are harder than others.
Nearly everyone has a mobile phone now - yet no contact - even a “hi, how are you” would mean the world.

She reminded me that the really important people are still in my life - -

G. X

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#7

I can so relate to this. Since my mum passed in October I have had little or no support from so called friends. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t know what to say…so say nothing…? ! Some comments from a close friend have been out of line and not appropriate at all.
Grief totally makes you think about rearranging your address book.

#8

Hi Katie, I am sorry to read of your experience. I recently (2 weeks ago) bereaved and have exactly these feelings of isolation and being left without support. My best friend told me she hasn’t the capacity to support me either physically or emotionally. My other friends are “busy”. My kids are grown and distanced themselves in order to cope with their own feelings towards my Dad. I live alone and my Dad was the last of my family unit, having lost my Mum 3 years ago and my Sister when she was young. I do suffer from mental health problems normally and I’m worried how these severe feelings of isolation will affect me in the coming weeks. I am trying not to feel bitter or any anger, but the result is I’m feeling worthless as if my own feelings do not matter. It is encouraging I am not alone in my experience, but how do we overcome this isolation and meet people for support?

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