Which way is up

Lost my dear wife to leukemia Xmas 2017. Struggled to find the pieces of my normal. So that I can move forward. I’m 64 and little boy is 5. I have no family within 100 miles. Working until retirement June 2020. Exhausted with young child. Biggest thing I miss is talking to a adult after Harry’s bedtime. Situation hopeless

Hi Malcolm sorry to hear the loss of your wife my wife Jane passed away last November we were married 43 years during which we were unable to have any family,just to be able to hold the hand of a son or daughter knowing they were part of Jane would have given me everything in this world of bereavement to fight for,I am on my own,no relatives as such ,I am retired long days and nights sometimes never seeing anyone except my little dog being on your own with nobody is hopeless to me that little boy of yours would be worth more than his weight in gold to keep me fighting this world of loneliness and despair till I couldn’t fight no more.
Kind regards my friend MM69

Yes agree, my Richard new that he was all that I had…now he is gone, I have no one…


Oh Malcolm I feel for you .
You have done so well to get this far looking after your son and still working
You must be exhausted with the grief , the caring and the working . Such a lot of stuff to juggle while feeling crap
Don’t give up now
You have come so far
Another year and you will be retired
You will have more time for yourself and Harry but being retired and having to establish another new routine again will bring fresh challenges
It must be lonely after your little boy has gone to bed . Is there stuff that you are interested in on TV or books or friends or family you can ring ?
What would your wife be suggesting you do ? She knew you best
Could you meet up with any of your work colleagues for a drink outside of work or a meal and your little boy go on a sleepover to any of his school friends ?
How are you managing for childcare before and after school for Harry ? Because it must be very difficult with work commitments too

I think you should be proud of how you have managed so far
You will find a way to cope with the lonely evenings after Harry’s bedtime I’m sure . Don’t give up . Ask people on this forum for suggestions . There maybe people on here that live in your part of the world . People are full of good ideas . Is there a widows / widowers group that you could join locally that have social events . Because you might feel better able to cope if you have some adult contact planned for the occasional evening as long as you can get a babysitter. Have you visited family on the weekends so that you have some grown ups to talk to ?

I follow someone on Instagram called Simon Thomas . He used to be a Sky TV sports presenter . He has written a book about how he has coped since his wife died suddenly from a blood cancer . They have a young lad too . I haven’t read the book but it might be worth getting it . I think it’s called Love Interrupted and I think he lost his wife about the same time as you lost yours . I think he has found comfort from his church and from getting involved in a charity to do with raising awareness about blood cancers

I don’t know if anything I’m saying is of any help to you at all but please keep posting on here .

You will find a new normal
Let your wife and your little boy be your strength and inspiration

Sending hugs and understanding
Romy xxx

Hi Romy
Thank you for your reply and helpful suggestions. Very kind. I do have Fridays to myself but I tend to just go to coffee shops and watch life and wonder to anyone… what’s your story. Someone said to me once .“there’s more of it out there than you might think” tand I think there is truth in that

I am still in shock I suppose which is preventing me advancing if that’s what it is to try and make contacts again. Being here is a big step for me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. For the heartbreaking things I’ve seen and how bravely and with dignity Amanda approached her lot

Relatives too far spread out. But I need to get out again. So I’m at the very early stages of dragging myself to do things

Best regards and thank you again


Hi MM.

ThAnk for taking time to reply.already, although I’m new to this I feel it good to be in contact with like folk on the island of grief ( not my words I regret to say).

Because that is what it is. People are on the mainland and we are surrounded with our thoughts and experiences that no-one can grasp although some try really hard + but inevitably fall short cos they weren’t there. My wife died of leukemia 7th Dec 17.

At first harry was a burden to me. Too young to understand and I had to play with him while I was broken into tiny pieces
Now, I find him a big help in keeping me going. Don’t know where I might have ended up.

I appreciate 43 years of memories is a tough call. People say you have good times to recall. I say good memories are to be shared over a dinner looking out over a moonlight bay at some Greek beach location (say). When you think of these along un sharing,

Then they are unhappy memories

Ps. New to this so not sure if you’ve got the whole of my message

Best wishes


Dear Malcolm
So it’s coffee shop tomorrow?
Yes you don’t really realise how many heartbreaking stories there are until you suffer yourself …and people share their own stories with you

Well done for coming on here
It is a good step forward probably to share your story and feelings with other people who get it

Death is shocking . Expected or unexpected leaving a trail of heartbreak in its wake
What help are you receiving for your PTSD ?

My father suffered with cancer on three occasions while I was growing up but my husband was the complete opposite and suffered a catastrophic sudden cardiac arrest after getting up one morning . Both completing devastating events for them and us in totally different ways and all horrible

Have you got stuff planned for this weekend with your little boy ? I think the weather is supposed to be ok

I have daughters in their twenties and early 30s . It helps to have them and their boyfriends around . I also have an elderly mum .Horses and dogs and a business which I have had to get more involved with since my husband died

I am really busy but at the end of the day I just miss my husband terribly . He was 60 and we have been together since we were teenagers so it’s hard to keep going without him

I am so sorry for what you and your little boy are going through . Grief is the most painful experience ever

I hope tomorrow goes ok for you
Best wishes
Romy xxx