I lost my husband Stuart on the 18th November 2021. I’ve been struggling to get through life without him. He was only 37 when he passed, just two months after our second wedding anniversary. We were together for 16 years and have a now 16 year old son. He is on the spectrum and has a completely different outtake on life and death. He has been more of a support to me than I have been for him I fear.
I myself lost my mum when I was 16. She was 39, the same age I will be in a matter of weeks, I have dreaded this year for 22 years. Now it’s here and I don’t have the support of my husband, who knew how much I was dreading it, I don’t feel strong enough to cope.
I thought that maybe writing things down or opening up to others who are in the same situation may make me feel a little ‘better’ but I think that’s just wishful thinking on my part.
It’s gotten to the stage where I just don’t recognise myself, the life I’m living, the future I’m working towards, it all feels like someone else’s life. A life I didn’t choose and one I feel completely lost in. I can’t be the only one who looks in the mirror and has a stranger staring back at them?!
@MrsMac0109 sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you especially at a young age. I’m much more recent on this journey (13 weeks) and although things are slightly better than the early days I’m still struggling. I totally get the not recognising yourself. I really struggle to imagine a meaningful future without my husband. I try to keep busy and just take one day at a time. This forum has been a huge help. Hopefully, you find that too. Sending hugs.
Hi @Jan17
Thank you for your reply. I am hoping the forum will give me some sense of peace. However, I’ve just sat reading other peoples stories and am now balling my eyes out sitting at the kitchen table (I live here now) so maybe not the best idea. I hope you manage to get through your days with a little less struggle than the day before… it’s all about taking a day at a time, isn’t it. Sending love and hugs right back to you.
No you’re definately not the only one ! People i thought i could trust i cant - even family - its strange how our lives have become ? And no i dont know who i am cos i am so used to being a wife and just being me is awful … i dont like it and its so hard to do … we used to being a couple arent we ? And it has been so cruelly snatched away from us 
xxx
I know what you mean @Deb5 It’s the hardest thing, walking into a room full of people, without him by my side… I feel like I’ve got an arrow above my head letting everyone know I’m alone and miserable! I tend not to go out anymore, always make an excuse to stay at home! You are so right, it is a cruel life! I hope you can find people who you can trust again 
You will find yourself again, just like I hope I will too xx