Who changed my name

I lost my husband 5 weeks ago. Someone referred to me as the widow of Michael yesterday. I didn’t give anyone permission to call me a widow! It feels like they’re taking liberties; I’m not ready to give up my title. I’m still Michael’s wife. Today is a tough, tough day and I’m glad I found this group.

3 Likes

Hi Juice, sorry to read it’s an extra tough day for you. It’s right at the start of your grief journey…such early days. One piece of advice that really worked…take it minute by minute and then hour by hour. I definitely remain well and truly married, wife (40 years February) to a beautiful man who died 20 months ago…nobody can change that!
Please keep on reading and posting, it helps me enormously…wonderful, understanding, kind and caring people do exist! Kind respects, x

6 Likes

Hello Rainbow and Juice,
I totally agree , what an ugly word widow is. He might have died but as far as I am concerned I am still a married woman

9 Likes

It’s 15 months since my husband passed away and I haven’t yet said I’m a widow. I struggle with it and like you feel I am still his wife and always will be. The only thing I have noticed is when I am on my own, I have been asked where my husband is. Or am I on my own. I find that when I say he has passed away, it leads to more questions, specially as I am relatively young. I do wonder if saying you’re a widow is a more closed response. But I will continue refrain from using it. I am getting better though at responding without getting too upset. I’m sure our sadness is there in our eyes if people really look.

4 Likes

Hi SanW,
I totally agree about the sadness in your eyes.
Every year myself and hubby had a holiday with my daughter, her partner and grandson
I have just come back from a Gil day, with the 4 of us,and looking back at the photos on my phone,it struck me how sad my eyes look even though I was smiling
X

1 Like

Richard and I was not married but he always would refer to me when talking to a person as " the wife…" such as in, better ask the wife… this is how I now view myself…Before, it was always I am Richards other half…

Jackie…

Jackie…

4 Likes

I’m still married and I always will be… so now e asked me who my next of kin was yesterday I said I haven’t got one… ooops! I couldn’t think straight.

Love Sue xx

1 Like

I too, hate the word widow, as far as I am concerned I am still married to my Stan.

2 Likes

Hello Juice

I am sorry to hear that your husband has passed, my own did so four months ago. I too feel that way - in fact I told a few people not to use that word as he is, was and will always be my husband and therefore I his wife. The choice as to how we refer to ourselves is ours and should be up to us how others refer to us. Maybe it is time to afford change on that…
They all tell me it is very early days and not to expect too much from myself - I am beginning to understand now what that means. The greatest advice I was given though was by a hospice nurse who was with me shortly after my husband passed: she said: Do what feels right for YOU in all things and don’t feel pressured by others.
Therefore I personally am hanging on to being my husband’s wife right until I pass over, after all, if you look at family trees you don’t refer to MR & MRS as Wife/husband and Widow/Widower.

Take care of yourself sweet… and treasure all you have - title included x

1 Like

Hi Juice, please accept my sincere condolences for the very recent loss of your husband, Michael. As I lost my dear wife 2 months ago I know the agony you are going through.
I feel the same as yourself, I married my dear wife 38 years ago and I still am, and will remain, a very proud married man. On an official form I found I had been described as “widower” and felt sick and angry that I had been described as this without consultation or warning.
Tomorrow (14th) will be a very tough day for me, its my wifes 70th birthday
May you find peace and happiness
Clive

1 Like

Hi Clive, such beautiful memories for you today of your dear wife and past birthday celebrations. I am thinking of you and hope you manage to bring those happy, shared moments to mind. May you feel her love even deeper today. Kind regards, x

Juice,I lost my husband 1year and 2 months.I hate the word widow ,and like you I’ll always will be his wife. 51years together and 50years married .It was the best years of my life .He was everything to me and will always be in my heart ,thoughts ,dreams and best of all We had Four beautiful babies. My girls worship their Dad ,They have a lot of him in them that’s makes it a treasure to have loved and married my beautiful husband forever.xxxx

2 Likes

Jeanette I feel exactly the same. I had my soulmate/husband for 45 years married for 43 years. I will always be married to him I know that. He was such a good kind man and he made me laugh every day. I think losing both our adult sons brought us close if that was possible. Now it’s must me …, it’s so hard but I don’t think he would have done well if he had been left in his own. I ha e three grandchildren and the youngest one is so so much like his Grandad. It’s only four months for me … it’s so hard adjusting to not having him … 45 years wasn’t long enough nowhere near long enough but I have been lucky to have shared my life with him. I hope this gets better for all of us.

Love Sue xx

Dear Juice. How are you? I understand to some degree how you feel believe me. My beautiful husband David died almost 15 months ago. He was my husband for 40 years and we loved each other for nearly 48 years. He was my David and I was his Lesley and now he’s gone I just want to be dead. Forty years of marriage flew by. Each day, each hour now, is so painfully slow. I know many people remarry but for me, I know I never could. You literally feel as if your heart is leaking blood as you have a massive big hole in it. I understand how people can remarry as the loneliness is horrendous. But for me there was only one for me and that is my precious irreplaceable husband, my David. He was so beautiful inside and out. I loved his face his body his touch. I loved everything about him. I ache for him. It is total one hundred per cent cruelty. We had no children, and I have no family. I lost my faith years ago. Whenever I thought about my grandma burning to death my mother and father and brother dying with cancer and then I looked at the state of the world today I just thought no way is there a good God. When I watched my husband dying in the hospice I wanted and still want to give the loving, ha ha, cruel monster who created this world a very big daily supply of his own evil medicine. I hate Him. But David was a believer and he is either corroding away in that grave or he is somewhere. All I know is that I want to be with him. I was 21 when we got married in 1978. I am 63 next month and the thought of having to live without him for the rest of my life, is like some living nightmare. We are forced to fill in forms and on those forms we have to write widow. Our husbands can never ever be our husbands ever again as there are no marriages in Heaven if there is such a place. They belong to God and they are His servants. If you don’t believe me check it out. In our hearts they will always be our husbands and I just wish I could get a message to David to tell him. I pleaded with him to call my name. I hope he will keep calling for me till I die. I love him. That will always be present tense. I send my love. Lesley

thanks Rainbow for your kind wishes. Thanks to my daughter and granddaughter the day wasn’t as traumatic as it might have been. They had me busy from early morning onwards and the tea we had for her birthday was lovely, simple as i had requested but not glum. We went over past holidays etc and even had the odd laugh something I thought i would never do again.
Of course when i returned home the agony returned but everyone on here knows what that does to you.
wishing everyone peace and eventually happiness
Clive

2 Likes

I enjoyed being married, I loved being married, I am married and always will be in my head and my heart, if people ask are you married I simply say yes I am or why do you need to know. My marriage didn’t end it has simply been postponed until I join him, however long that may be regardless of the path that life takes me I know all paths lead to him.

Yes indeed, but can I say my time for my interaction with the group is coming to an end x I wish you only love and peace as you go forward x

1 Like

I can’t imagine ever not feeling married to my husband … ever! It’s four months for me but it feels like yesterday x

Sanw I agree I too feel that the group has helped me understand that all I feel is normal and that everyone progresses at their own pace and that what may be right for one person isn’t right for another and that I too am strong enough to continue on my own journey. I wish everyone well. X

Why do you think that …: only four months for me. My husband was diagnosed with cancer all over abd died within four weeks … three in hospital and six days in the hospice. We were married 43 years together 45 years. We got through the deaths of both our adult sons seven years ago abd two years ago. I wish I knew how to do this on my own. Love from me … sue x