Who was my Wife

Derek Jay Herb, and the collective, I asked in a weak moment and anguish the question whom had my wife partner bestie and lover, adored and loving mother to our children. Whom had she been. I should have known and answered the question.
Helen, we met late 84 she had been divorced 5 years, while I was in the slideshow divorce of my own. A divorce so slow bitter etc. At the time Alec was in Helens life, but he was due to pass from fluid on the lungs. 85 (early) I had begun a managers role in a social work facility, the footfall and demand to assist increased enough, for a “deputy”, position, Helen as a volunteer during my days off, had become highly effective, late 85 Alex passed. Early 86 this 5 9 henna haired vivacious fiesty woman fingering those locks appeared one day. My grandmother had once said, you will know that the girl you are to marry by seeing your children in her eyes. Hey as a now separate man, I saw just that plus comments not permitted before 9pm. Whatever man thinks at that moment of what he would have in mind, huh, as she later informed me that she had decided to “have my children and me”.
August 86 bless her she netted her man, we joined family, her 2 (girl and boy, with my boy,) my 1,
87 our first home and a shared passion in a shower led to our Katie.88. Our marriage, (a vasectomy) and 89 Laura. In that process. Larry was 2lb bigger than the 10lb turkey purchased for Christmas. Turkey purchased 22nd waters broke 11.45pm on the 23rd 20 minutes later I had (tutors attending) delivery cord snipped, and given to an exhausted jubilant radiant glowing woman, on our first Katie I had fallen in love so deeply, Laura and Helen delivered in measurable depth. Claire the now 16 years had to inform her class, of her second sister plus “urghyew”, yes her mother and I still did it.
Years flowed, jobs careers, need for financially based security had the hours taken away from being together. Rarely did we have a Christmas or bank holiday together, But I ensured that the New Year Eve we would be together and huddled in our bed New year’s day. The brood, all became more than we could have hoped for, and a credit to Mum, 2010 the first pneumonia encounter, 2013, I a pituitary gland tumour battle, Helen no less, with my support or being supported enduring the passing of both mothers, caring for her father by no means a lovely man. She had had lower 3 vertebrae fused, later T1,2,3 boxed, fought depression as had I, survived 4 more pneumonia boughts, both knees replacement surgery over 3 years, pain killer tablet diet, Hrt, and a few more mortal pain challenging episodes. Through this my angel was at my side,as I was for her.
So I will not relist revisit the labels, whom had been my wife partner bestie love nurse companion carer, a friggin awesome gal. As western music fans, my cracklin rose was ever the apple of my eye, miss her oh god yes, and on the 9th July we share our last family outing. Sorry tears are all over the keyboard.
My wife partner bestie lover, was the only woman I could have lived through this with, live this life again??, only with her, change anything yes her pain.
And austioperosis. That was whom Helen was, far better than I. Corvid virus took her from us, in January so the passing of Helen can be blessed with no longer suffering by June 19th,
What am I to do, live the rest of my life for her, as she would want me to do

Colin, thank you for writing this, I hope it helped. Yes, I too have tears in my eyes not only for you but for myself. Sorry but yes we now have to live out our lives without our ‘partner, bestie lover’ always thinking ‘what if’. I know my soulmate wouldn’t have been able to deal with lockdown and that’s if he had managed not to catch it. It’s hard and there’s no denying that life is not life. Keep smiling and keep writing, I shall read them all. Bless you dear man.

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