I lost my dad in April, very unexpectedly he was only 74, it was traumatic and me and my mom and sister were all there throughout attempted resuscitation.
I work in A&E as a clinician so this is something I’m used to seeing but it felt completely different being on the opposite side of it and I can still recall the paramedics and doctors voices, exactly what happened, the sound of the machine, closing his eyes when we asked them to stop, literally everything.
My dad passed 3 weeks before the biggest assessment of my career and I am also completing a MSc at the moment… I know he wouldn’t want me to pause my training as I know all he ever wanted was for me to do well. Mainly because of this and the need to keep busy I went back to work less than 2 weeks after he passed.
I know that life goes on and I was shocked to see how quickly the ‘just checking in’ messages and phone calls stopped. I’m starting to get angry that no one ever mentions him other than my immediate family, no one checks in, it feels like no1 cares, and I feel so stupid for feeling this way because I’m the one who looks visibly fine on the surface going about my day to day and surviving. But no one sees that I cry every day, and no 1 feels my heart drop into my stomach when I hear a patient come in with the same condition.
I don’t really know what the point to this post was because I know ultimately I can’t feel angry at people for not giving me the support or recognition that I don’t appear to need 
I just wondered if it was normal to feel so angry ?
Hi
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I so identify with everything you’ve said …
I lost my my in May she wasnt buried til end June. I didn’t cry I was numb for weeks and have now only started grieving and I too am so so angry…
I can’t visit the cemetery since o went once I felt it was so traumatic I couldn’t do it again yet… I feel bad for not visiting , I’ve bought a plant to bury there but just can’t get there …
Mum had dementia was in a home for 5 years she’s 89 but it still hurts as she was my mum, my best friend and I miss her so much…
She went into the home and they hadn’t given her any water she was sent into hospital as her kidneys were bone dry!!! We visited everyday my huge family and we helped her eat and drink had no idea this was going on . 3 weeks she was there not being able to speak or move the. We were told she was going to die we had to watch and wait for another 2 weeks…
I can’t accept she’s gone x
Hi @Amieh I think this is a common situation… everyone thinking you’re fine a few weeks after a devastating loss. It’s because our society is not geared up to discuss death easily so everyone finds it too fearful and awkward. My Mum died suddenly and unexpectedly in January. I had five weeks off work until after the funeral and most of my colleagues didn’t mention it on my return. I sometimes mention my grief just to keep my feelings authentic because I don’t want everyone to assume I’m happy and jolly! You went back to work very soon after your loss, perhaps you need a bit more space and time for reflection? Keep reaching out and letting people know how you really feel. Best wishes xx
@Amieh yes! I feel angry too, a lot more than I expected. I lost my mum on 30th April then a few weeks later, I lost my dad too. I’m angry at everything & everyone! I’m angry at society’s expectations of how I should feel after a particular period of time. I’m angry at how the world has just moved on like my parents never existed. I’m angry at people asking me how I am, just out of politeness & not really wanting to know. I’m angry at the clichés that people throw at me like “but they’re in a better place”…really? Have u seen the place first hand? If not, how do u know? or “you’ll get there” …I’m like, get where? And what exactly happens if I ‘get there’…or “time will heal” …again, how do you know time will heal me, I don’t even know if time will heal me!
So yes, to answer your question, I am definitely angry!
100 % this !!!
Xxxx 
My husband died in May 2023 in Uganda and he was buried there too I was left in the UK In spite of this I recognise his family in Uganda dealt with his death more sensitively than people in the UK Here everyone expected me not to be upset and just to quickly adjust and not to talk about my loss We have lost the ability to support others during their grief and don’t want to want to accept people do die and it is painful for those left behind No wonder the grieving are frustrated and angry This only makes the whole process much more painful to navigate Blessings be at peace