My first boyfriend died 6 weeks ago, when I was told my blood ran cold. We knew each other from being 13 so almost 36 years. We were together until 16 years old and again from being 24-25 years old. We drifted apart, he married, his wife died a few years ago. His death has affected me profoundly and I find myself thinking of him constantly and becoming quite upset. His funeral is in a few days and im dreading it because I feel like a fraud compared to others who have kept in touch with him not to mention his family. I really feel I need to go to say goodbye. Has anybody else been in this situation? I would greatly appreciate any advice
I’m so sorry for your loss, @Redkitty. It’s completely understandable that you’re so upset. You knew him from childhood, it sounds like he was your first love, and that he and the relationship was a formative influence on your life. Your grief is real and valid, so please do try and be gentle with yourself.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and you’re not alone.
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If it was me in your situation, and he was a friend, so saying goodbye is what we do for friends. He would have loved to see all his old friends turn up. If I was concerned about what other people think (which I would never do). I would turn up at the last minute and sit quietly on my own at the back, then quietly disappear without interacting with anyone, you owe them nothing. Take your best friend to support you, who will then take you for a coffee and bun in his memory, and take Seaneen’s advice, be gentle with yourself and have no regrets.
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Thank you so much for your advice it has helped 