I lost my Mum in January this year just before my 24th birthday. Since then I feel like I’m genuinely going crazy. Even when I look at photos or go through mums things, or listen to our songs I can’t cry. I don’t feel anything. Sometimes I think ‘oh I need to tell mum that’ then I think no I can’t, she’s died. But oh it’s okay I’ll just tell her later. And I can’t get out that mentally, I’m so sick of not feeling anything. I haven’t cried once at work since, everyone thinks I’m doing amazing but I don’t think I am- I know how utterly heartbroken I must be as me and my mum were absolutely thick as thieves. She was my entire world. Everything is just grey now but I want to feel something. Is this normal? I feel so heartless and cold, I’m just snappy and irritable constantly but not sad and I don’t know why
Hi. RachWBA. You are NOT going crazy! I would suggest we all feel that in the early stages of grief. What I call ‘silent grieving’ is brought about by the fact that we can’t express our emotions openly. It’s almost as if we are in denial that it ever happened. The deep need to return to some sort of normality drives us on. But we need to accept that what we knew as ‘normality’ has gone.
Is what you feel ‘normal’? Everyone copes in his or her own way, and that way is unique to them. There are no set rules or methods of coping. Grief is a very personal affair. Being snappy and irritable is just another example of how grief can hit us. It’s not unusual and you are not the first to feel that by any means.
It all seems so unfair and you may get angry. OK, so be angry. Emotions need to be expressed. Why do you think you have to feel sad? As I said, you cope in your own way and if not feeling sad is your way then so be it. Stop taking it out on yourself. The greyness you now feel is that dark cloud overhead. The sun is there behind it but thoughts and memories can obscure it. It may be ‘the dark cloud that breaks with Blessings on your head’. Be more kind to yourself. I am sure mum would have wanted it so. Take care.
you are in a world of hurt. my mom died in 2016. I am glad I was not working because I was not fit for this world. when my father died in 2013, I had a job. I did not talk to anyone in the workplace, for months. I was a reporter so I talked to my interviews, but when I came back to the office, I wrote my stories and left. people respected that, for the most part. losing a loving mother, is a total collapse. it is an apocalypse. you are shattered, and it takes years, to feel not so devastated. I went to grief groups and it helped so much! we all cried together. grieve on your own timetable, and if people do not understand, do not accommodate them. You accommodate, YOURSELF. you are the one, hurting. can you work part-time for a bit? a new job following such a loss is very, very, very hard.
When I lost my Dad twenty years ago, I cried for the first 3 days and then after that I found it impossible to cry. It just would’nt come. I still was grieving, even though I wasn’t crying.
I lost my Mum in the last 8 months and it still has not sunk in fully. I think it takes a while to come to terms with the shocking event and loss. This time I’ve cried my eyes out.
I think one can grieve in many ways.
Is there anyone you are needing to be strong for?