Why can’t I cry

My mum passed away last week less than two weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer. Until then she was an 83 year old with a huge zest for life and I thought she had many by years left. Now I feel so empty and desolate… I’m spending my days trying to find distractions and wishing for the big by to come so I can just sleep and forget. And what is worse I feel like the tears are locked up and I can’t have a proper cry… I feel emotionally blocked after a traumatic couple of weeks and the fact I can’t really release my emotions is adding to the sense of guilt and regret I already have. Everything feels surreal and life just seems to have stopped. What is more we cannot have a burials for mum until May 5 and it feels like I’m just in some kind of limbo. I don’t really know if these are normal feelings and that I wlll be able to release things soon ?

Thankyou so much for your reply.

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My Dad died three weeks ago. He died before his biopsy result so we never got an actual confirmation he had cancer but all the medics knew it was that. I have had days where I’ve cried all day and then have had days when I haven’t cried at all, I don’t know why. I don’t think tears are a measure of how much someone means to us as my dad meant the world to me and if that was true I’d have already filled the oceans with my tears. I do think we maybe have some survival mechanism which kicks in and stops the tears from flowing and everyone is very different. Like you I have found it very surreal since Dad went, I find it difficult to watch the world carry on as normal as for me I know it will never be normal again. The only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself, don’t feel pressured to feel a certain way or feel you have to cry to show how much you’re hurting. I have found it helpful to talk about how I feel with friends who have been in the same position as me. I also find being on my own sometimes helps so I can just grieve my Dad in my own way without anyones judgement as sometimes people are too much. That’s my experience anyway. I hope part of this may help you. Take care and reach out on here when you’re struggling, I’ve found this forum a real help in these dark times.