My mum passed away last week less than two weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer. Until then she was an 83 year old with a huge zest for life and I thought she had many by years left. Now I feel so empty and desolate… I’m spending my days trying to find distractions and wishing for the big by to come so I can just sleep and forget. And what is worse I feel like the tears are locked up and I can’t have a proper cry… I feel emotionally blocked after a traumatic couple of weeks and the fact I can’t really release my emotions is adding to the sense of guilt and regret I already have. Everything feels surreal and life just seems to have stopped. What is more we cannot have a burials for mum until May 5 and it feels like I’m just in some kind of limbo. I don’t really know if these are normal feelings and that I wlll be able to release things soon ?
Thankyou so much for your reply.
My Dad died three weeks ago. He died before his biopsy result so we never got an actual confirmation he had cancer but all the medics knew it was that. I have had days where I’ve cried all day and then have had days when I haven’t cried at all, I don’t know why. I don’t think tears are a measure of how much someone means to us as my dad meant the world to me and if that was true I’d have already filled the oceans with my tears. I do think we maybe have some survival mechanism which kicks in and stops the tears from flowing and everyone is very different. Like you I have found it very surreal since Dad went, I find it difficult to watch the world carry on as normal as for me I know it will never be normal again. The only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself, don’t feel pressured to feel a certain way or feel you have to cry to show how much you’re hurting. I have found it helpful to talk about how I feel with friends who have been in the same position as me. I also find being on my own sometimes helps so I can just grieve my Dad in my own way without anyones judgement as sometimes people are too much. That’s my experience anyway. I hope part of this may help you. Take care and reach out on here when you’re struggling, I’ve found this forum a real help in these dark times.