Bjane, whenever you write a post it’s always what has been happening to me! Are we twins?? Seriously, I so agree that nothing is worth doing any more. I have no interest in anything, even my previously loved hobbies. Like you, I am over sensitive about thing and get upset easily.
Because I can’t sell Tony’s car until after probate (whenever that will be!) I have been starting it up and running it for 15 minutes every week to keep the battery going. I never enjoy that - he loved that car more than any others he had owned before, but because he damaged the tendons in his leg, he wasn’t able to drive it for a lot of the time. Ironically, recently his legs were better and he had started driving it again. He was so happy, and then it ended. Anyway, I digress! Yesterday, I got into his car and started it and it suddenly hit me really hard that he had been deprived of his car for so long. I just sat there and sobbed. Bless him, he did so much for others when he could but the powers that be couldn’t even let him have some enjoyment. Sometimes I wonder what the big plan is!
Ann, I think we are!! The car thing. Malc had a Morgan which he loved but hadn’t been driving it for a bit as it needed minor repairs. Then he had problems with his eyes at the end of last year and cataracts were diagnosed. So we waited until his two operations earlier this year and virtually as soon as he could drive again he had his sudden stroke. Life’s so bloody unfair isn’t it? . Just like your husband , Malc was the kindest person imaginable. , always doing things for others and wanting to help people . In fact one of the first things on his to do list was to take a lady we know for a drive in it. She’d said she always dreamed of going for a drive in a Morgan wearing one of those hats with scarf ties so he immediately offered. Sadly , never to be now. Whatever the big plan is, the good guys always seem to lose out as far as I can see. I have started learning to drive in our other car and when I first sat in the drivers seat I was inconsolable , thinking how the last person to sit there was Malc and he’d never do that again. He loved driving too! Wishing you, Jobar and Alston a happier day tomorrow, sending love. Night night x
Bless you. You are such a lovely person.x
Thank you for those kind words Ann, but I have to say I don’t feel very lovely. Often I feel just so wrapped up in my own grief and really guilty for not being able to help my grown up children. I know they are suffering, of course they are, but I don’t have anything left to give them. And it makes me feel terrible, I’ve always been there for them throughout their lives and sometimes I can’t even stop the tears in front of them which I know is so upsetting for them. Maybe we women beat ourselves up too much, I don’t know, but it’s painful. Sorry, didn’t mean to depress you first thing this morning! Have a counselling session soon so will hopefully come back on here and be a bit more positive! Take care xxxx
Hi Rippy
yes i feel so much like you, living my life as through i am in a play, it was our 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday, and i am so full off regret, the plans we had, i am getting quire morbid and find myself telling people to do things now and not to wait. I keep really busy but do not sleep well also started to wake up in the night 
it is so hard to sort things out, and just as you think you are getting there “BAM” something else to deal with.
I miss my husband so much, i really feels like my heart is breaking. Xx hugs to you.
Hello Sheila. hope you feel a bit better now. I find I have morbid thoughts sometimes, not something we can share with our families of course. Yes, regrets, all the things we were going to do, places we were going to visit, all gone to dust. No wonder we sometimes feel morbid. I just wish we’d done more rather than intended to, trouble is we had no idea what was just around the corner. Same as you I want to tell people, and have done sometimes, to just do things. not waste time. Life’s not a dress rehearsal, such true words and such a heartbreaking way for us to find out. My Mum’s favourite song was Edith Piaf’s “Je ne regrette rien” and I keep trying to remember that, though it’s so hard. Sending love xx
Hi Bjane,
Well you seem pretty lovely to me!
Funnily enough, I was saying to my two daughters this morning that they do so much for me and I do nothing for them. I used to do so much for them and now I am like a helpless kitten… They said that I am beating myself up too much (where have I heard that before!) and that it would be sad if I didn’t grieve for their father. They said that although they adored their Dad (and they really did), they knew it was a fact of life that it was likely that he and I would die before them and that I wasn’t to worry as they would get through it like others do. That helped me a bit… They have children too so they will have support when the time comes.
Today hasn’t been a good day. I knew I had to sell Tony’s car and the garage I have used for years made me an offer which I didn’t think was too bad. However, I ran it past the girls first, as I do with everything at the moment and my younger daughter was horrified. She contacted the garage she uses and got an offer £700 above the one I got, bless her. And then to crown it all (pardon the pun) I had to have two fillings at the dentist this afternoon.
Talk to me any time you like. I love hearing from you. If you prefer, we could private message.
Good luck with the counselling session. xxx
Hello Ann, it’s always lovely to hear from you, like you said I think we have similar life experiences and views. Your daughters sound so caring, my three are too and have said similar, I think it’s just that mother’s guilt I’ve got! It doesn’t feel right for them to be caring for us when all our lives we’ve looked out for them. Horrible to think you were nearly ripped off , especially by a garage you’ve used and trusted especially when the task in hand was so upsetting anyway. I have that to come yet, will have to sell Malc’s beloved Morgan some time not sure when I’ll be able to face that though. Oh, have just seen that we’re being restricted again from Tuesday, more grief!! How did the fillings go? I have to admit I’m a complete wimp when it comes to the dentist and needles.God knows how I came to be married to a type one diabetic who had to inject himself 4 times a day, poor love. And he never complained. Yes private messaging would be god if I knew how to do it. Al explained it once, will have to locate that post and have a go! Hope you have a good evening, at least the dentist will be over with and you can relax a bit! Lots of love xxx
Hi bjane
thank you for your message, I am feeling a bit more stable now. Edith Piaf’s “Je ne regrette rien” i have always liked the song, even through i dont understand french, but it dosent sound right sung in English.
my husband chose Rammstein - Feuer Frei! as his closing of the curtain song. He lived in Germany when he was younger. I saw my husbands sister today, she speaks off John as if he still here, i thought it was just me doing that. 
Hugs Xx
Oh Sheila I do that too. I say our house, garden, etc, use we instead of I , all sorts of things that should be singular , but I suppose that’s probably to be expected after being part of a couple for so many years. How we miss our lovely men and how hard it is to realise that our lives will never be the same again. Hope you have a good day today. Sending love xxx
Gut wrenching tears… Totally i get that, Montague. Youre eyes will never feel the same again after this. My husband died May last year from Cancer Melanomas which has spread so quickly that none of us , including my 2 teens, could catch our breath. As for the tears, they are still walking hand in hand with us at our house. They have become a solid friend of the family now. Today we start reno on our 3 bedroom semi, so things are moving forward. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe not. But feels like it is time to try something new and not betray my pain. I will still feel it, the emptyness, the literal heart ache for myself and the kids, but you have to carry on. On very bad days, I wish myself to leave this planet, knowing my 2 kids at least have family they could go to, while they wait for a property to come to them, at 18.
We need something to live for, dont we. For me its hanging on for dear life, for the kids and transforming their home with an extension. Thereafter, only God knows.
HI Eliza3
I went down the same road a s you, but in April of this year, 3 weeks of becoming ill my husband was gone, Cancer Melanomas, my two boys are in their 20’s . i hold on to the values my husband and i shared, Family, family is everythink, you will get pass this, go to your doctor if you need help, there is no shame in medication or councling, you have been throught a huge shock and you body and mind need to time to heal and adjust. I speak from experince as 16 years ago i was driving on the motorway when another verchile crashed into the back of my car, Killing my youngest aged 10. i sufferred from Post-traumatic Stress, I think my past experince is the only reason i am copping a bit better then some, dont get me wrong i loved my husband dearly and miss him very much, but i think the councling i had for PTS has given my very good coping skills. so please dont suffer with your grief. Xx Sheila
Way back around post 33 in this thread I mentioned the difficulty I was having in ordering a plaque (for my wife’s grave) from Timpsons. Basically, I waited 2 weeks only to discover that they lost the order and I had to go through the whole ordering process again. I just felt so deflated but thought, ok, we’ll do it again and it should be ok this time.
So, this morning, before I dragged myself out of bed at 11:00am, I received a call from Timpsons to say that my plaque was ready for collection. Great, I thought, I’ll collect it, be able to screw it on to the wooden cross, and get the cross planted on my wife’s grave this week, while the weather is still half decent.
So I collected the plaque, gave it a cursory glance in the shop and it seemed ok, and brought it home. Around mid-afternoon I thought I might try to put it on the wooden cross, and guess what…My wife had two middle names, so her full name was four words long. The engraver had only mis-spelt her second middle name - and I could have perhaps lived with that - but had also mis-spelt her christian name! Also, every word was capitalised, which wasn’t what I’d asked for, and the one small word that was supposed to be capitalised, wasn’t. The Timpsons shop assistant did give me the plaque for free (I think he’d taken pity on me as I’d broke down in Morrisons a few days previously), which I did very much appreciate. But I simply can’t believe I’m 3 to 4 weeks down the line and still don’t have a usable plaque. I’m going to call Customer Services again tomorrow - I’m fed up and upset, but haven’t really got the energy to be angry any more.
The moral seems to be that if you ever order a plaque, as well as presenting a computer printout with your requirements (which should be sufficient), also give written instructions that the text on the printout is to be followed exactly, for example, lowercase and uppercase letters exactly where specified.
Here’s hoping for a speedy resolution tomorrow, but I`m not getting my hopes up.
Words fail me, what a useless bunch! So sorry you’ve had all that to go through because of their inefficiency. Far too much to have to cope with at your stage of grief, Sending you lots of strength and energy , let them have it, they deserve it ! Good luck x
Get fired up, Alston562 , and go for it. We’re all behind you! x
I spoke by telephone to a very helpful young lady called Katy at Timpsons Customer Services in Manchester, same person I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. She was very understanding and asked me to email to her the details of my requirement for my wife’s plaque. Which I duly did. She’s going to forward those details on to the engraving centre and when the plaque is ready it will be posted out directly to my home address. Here’s hoping this will be the final attempt.
Oh that’s sounding like a good outcome and you didn’t! have to give her grief either! Win win, hopefully x
Well, some good news for a change, Timpsons finally came through at last. My brass plate arrived in the post late last week, about 4 days after I’d spoken to their Customer Services. And it’s exactly as I requested it - makes me wonder how they couldn’t just have done that the first time.
Next comes the difficult part, attaching it to the wooden cross and taking the cross to the cemetery. I’ve bought some daffodil bulbs to plant too, so I’m hoping a friend will accompany me and we can sort things out together.
So glad you have managed to sort things out, and that you are pleased with the brass plate. Xx