Why is it taking so long?

Both my nan and grandad died within a few months of each other, however, this was 7 years ago. I was 13 at the time and I thought I had grieved and I was okay, but the last few years as I’ve gone through a lot of stuff I feel myself missing them almost every single day. I feel that as it’s been 7 years I should be over it?

I am so sorry you feel like you do but to be honest, you never get over the death of your loved ones, you never stop missing them because they remind you of the good times in your life but you learn to live with it and it doesn’t matter how many years have gone by there are days when it seems as if they died yesterday and your heart breaks all over again. My dad died 50 years ago, my sister died 25 years ago, my mum died 20 years ago and my husband died 3 years ago. The other day I was sorting through old photos and came across one of my dad when I was about 8 years old, my sister and I were having our photo taken with him on the beach at Blackpool and I just burst into tears. It hit me that all my family of the past had gone and now there was just me left, I have children and grandchildren whom I love dearly, but seeing a photo of us when we were so young made me realise just how much I had lost over the years. Since my husband died the past has become more real to me than the present as I spend a lot of my time going through old photos and listening to music that was popular when I was young and happy. You have got all your life in front of you to make some wonderful memories, I don’t know what has been going on in your life recently to make you feel down but honestly, we all get down at some point and that is when we think about happier times in our lives and wish we could go back there. I wish all the time I could go back and do it all again, many of us do but we can’t and so we have to make the best of what we have got. You are not alone in your sadness, every single person in the world has at some time experienced sadness in their lives and it is something we all have to work through no matter how hard it is. I wish I was your age again knowing I had so many wonderful years facing me but I haven’t. Please go out and enjoy the rest of your life knowing you loved your grandparents with all your heart and they loved
you and they would not want you to be so unhappy. We are all here for you if you need to talk. Take care. Sheila x


There is no time limit on grief and people are affected differently. There are days when I literally talk to the photos on the side and then go to bed and cry I dont have family and am recently retired and the days and evenings are a nightmare weekends alone as always-there has to be more to life than this!!!

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It’s a milestone every month for me and it feels like a year has gone by , not a year. I am struggling badly at the loss of my husband. It was 10 months yesterday and I am disabled myself so have too much time to ruminate. It feels like it gets worse not easier.

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My dad died when I was 18. My mum and dad had separated when I was12, and my mum ,sister and I had moved to another country. One night a policeman arrived at the door and told us my father had been killed in a hit and run. We went to the funeral, we went home, and got on with our lives. I got married, had a child and suffered post natal depression. During that time I started to really miss my dad, I didn’t want to see my mum or anyone else, just him. He was a violent alcoholic, and made our lives a misery as kids, but that’s when my grieving process started.
Maybe you are going through changes in your life that has triggered all that grief again. It will pass, but none of us can live in the past . My mum has now passed away recently, and I miss her everyday, but we have to move on. There is still so much life to be lived, and we have to carry on and live the lives we are given. We can’t change anything. It was their time to go, but it wasn’t ours, so we have to carry on without them. As the other writer said, we are all here to offer support. You are not alone.

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I agree; I lost my husband just over a year ago and don’t know how I would have coped without my family around me. I had to move house as it was in his name only and again; my family gave me enormous help and support. I am now settled in my own house but have days when I want to ‘hide away’ I have photographs everywhere and I talk to them as I go around the house as each photo brings back a memory which I don’t want to forget.