Why ? Is life so hard

I lost my husband in Jan 2022 and I am devastated. Together for 38 years and we had a very good life together. The hardest part of his passing is that his ex wife who he divorced 41 years ago goes to his grave most days. It breaks my heart.
I see her flowers and cards and I don’t feel I can move them.
Sometimes want l to go and visit my husband but her behaviour stops me.
I struggle with missing him but life is telling me to walk away.
When will I ever feel easy again.

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I’m sorry she is making you feel you can go see your husband.
Can’t you speak to her?
Explain that you understand she is also grieving but she isn’t his wife and hasn’t been for a very long time and that you want to be with him and she is making you feel like the ex wife.
Do you know why she feels this is ok?
To me is not normal. My parents split over 30 years ago and I know for a fact neither would of done this even though they both died last year 3 weeks apart and my dad knew my mum was ill before her dropped dead.
I also split from my kids dad 21 years ago and I’d never do this either as I’m not his wife and even if I was sad it’s not my place to go.

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Thanks so much for reaching out. I’m just so not in a good place to understand her.
She cheated on him…he cut off all communication and yet she is still around. I just wish I could park it but I can’t.

Even more she shouldn’t do this to you. I understand how your feeling.
My dads wife at the funeral didn’t tell Victoria that me and my sister were his children and so was made to feel we wasn’t his children on the day we was saying goodbye to our dad who had been in our lives for over 48 years than to her 30.
I want to scream at her but don’t have the energy and dealing with his death and my mums.
Couldn’t you ask someone else to speak to her?
It’s not fair on your and not helping your grief.

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Many thanks for your honesty…I am going to try and work through this

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Many thanks I will think about what you say….x

@Lonely16 I don’t know the full circumstances but it sounds like your partner’s ex has unresolved issues about the divorce which have surfaced with his passing. This may be guilt for causing the split or jealousy that he was with you or perhaps a bit of both. Did they have children together? Whatever her motives, you were his love for a long time and at the end. She has to take second place. Visit your husband, talk to him and place your own flowers and cards, if her stuff is in the way just move it a little. Hugs and support.

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@Lonely16
Good advice from @Mike75 as there so often is.

If you can’t talk to her then try to overcome your anxiety and go. It may get easier when you have been a few times. I do hope so.
Sending love xxx

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Hi Lonely16
I just had to reply to your post. What a predicament for you to have to face along with your loss. You really don’t need this woman making you feel second best and I agree with Mike move her flowers and cards or better still get rid of them and make a point of adding your own gestures and don’t be afraid to go and ‘talk’ to your husband and if she’s there then ask her to leave while you have your quiet moment as you should not feel you can’t visit him.
Have you perhaps a family member or friend who could accompany you if you fear confrontation with this woman. Be firm and she might get the message that her life with YOUR husband has gone and did a long time ago. It is very unusual behaviour so you could also try the chat.

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Thanks so much everyone for your kind words. One of my friends is going to the cemetery with me next week. She won’t be messed with and will give me great support.

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@Lonely16 This is a sad journey only you can take. Our thoughts will be with you. You are not alone. Love and support.xx

Thanks @Mike75 yes it’s lonely and many of us are travelling that path which is the price we pay for having loved. However, we are also lucky to have shared our life with such wonderful partners.

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Here here to that @Lonely16

Hope all goes well with your visit. :heart:

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So pleased you have a friend to accompany you to the cemetery. It might be a case of standing your ground and being firm although this poor woman is sad and I feel sorry for her, you are also and he was your husband not hers any longer and is causing you distress. Perhaps there is a compromise.
I do hope you get it sorted.

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I’m glad you taking our advice x I hope it goes well xx
Just remember your who he loved at the end and she needs to see this xxx

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I agree, take solace from your visit and I wish you well x

@Lonely16 I hope you have resolved the problem with visiting your loved one’s grave. Grieving is so difficult and painful without an extra burden. Thinking of you. xx