Why is today worse?

#1

Hello, I have no idea why today is worse than any other but it is. The day is the same, the routine is the same but today I just want to cry and cry or just walk and walk till I find my fiancé again. I know he’s not coming back, I am getting used to the new life but still want the old one back. I know I am distant from my daughter and I want to be fun mummy again. If there was a happy button to press I would press it but it seems to have been removed from my body.

I found a quote from Brief Encounter that seems to suit, “this can’t last. The misery can’t last. Nothing lasts really. Neither happiness or despair. Not even life lasts really long. There’ll come a time in the future where I shan’t mind this anymore”

But will that time ever come I wonder this seems 12 weeks on so unrelenting. Please tell me this gets better…

Rosie

2 Likes
#2

Rosie…
…re, your question, “please tell me this gets better…” …all i can say really is " how long is a piece of string…" as the well known idiom goes…some mourning members may get over their losses sooner than others, their really is no time scale…For me it is coming up to nine months now and not one day has gone that i have not cried, and for me, it still seems like yesterday when i lost my partner of 20 years, Richard age 74…In fact to be honest, i believe the longer it goes on, the reality sets in that they - he is never ever coming back…

Jackie…

1 Like
#3

Dear Rosie, I am so sorry for your loss. I like your quote, how very true. I’ve not seen it before. However, your final sentence allows me to quote the Queen Mother after the loss of her husband, King George VI
“It doesn’t get any better, you get better at it…”
And you will Rosie. You will become ‘fun mummy’ again even though tainted with hidden sadness. I can smile, I can laugh, I can sing, I can dance, but all tainted with a certain sadness. I can still cry too. But it’s been two and a half years for me and only twelve weeks for you. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break. You’re expecting too much of yourself. Grieving takes time. Some days are worse than others. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions, up, down, round and round. I just go with it - what else can we do? Perhaps the New year has affected you more than you thought it might. I know it did me on my first one. Leaving my husband behind in 2017 tore me apart. But I now realise that I didn’t leave him behind. How could I? He is with me always. I am wrapped in his love. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I know it’s a cliché but be kind to yourself Rosie. For a long time I struggled to understand that phrase but over time I’ve learnt to understand it.
I love the thought of a Happy Button.
Sending you love xx

5 Likes
#4

beautiful words Crazy-Kate
and sorry for your loss Rosie and and hope you find ways to cope and give your daughter the love and support she needs.
kind regards
ian

1 Like
#5

Dear Rosie… Four months for me sinse my husband died. Sunday was a rotten day… Cried lots when for a week or two I had cried only occasionally… I realise now those few weeks I had been detached from it all… Head down, focus on work, don’t stop, don’t feel… I think I needed Sunday to reconnect with my emotions… If we don’t they will fester. 12 weeks is no time… We’ve a major realignment to contend with… We have to give ourselves the space to feel and to try to work out where we are in all this turmoil. I have made progress… But still find it so hard… Let’s dig in and just focus on being x

#6

Hi Rosie
I feel the same as you at the moment, I have just gone into what I call a shock & a daze together alongside feeling tearful, felt and heart being ripped apart. 9 weeks since my hubby died. I hope it dos get easier that’s all I can cling onto at the moment, sad to say even my supportive children are in the background with me right now. x