Dear @Cathphil
Isn’t it - so heartbreakingly beautiful, sad and poignant.
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@Angel1309 i know , the awfulness of our new lives is indescribable isn’t it . Just over a year ago , life was fabulous. Full of laughter, love , joy , the mundane stuff but more importantly, not lonely. Then , all of a sudden it’s like the lights have been switched off and life if just grey . I used to be happy, carefree , satisfied with what I had in life - not much by way of material wealth , but plenty of love and fun . Now I’m just sad and anxious. Hopefully one day this will change, but for the foreseeable future I can’t really see this happening. Isn’t it dreadful. In that split second life can change so much x
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@Ladysuisei6 It is sad about what happened between you and your son, at the time like this our nearest and dearest that we tend to turn to the most. I hope things will improve sooner or later as you don’t really need anything else on top of trying to grieve for your beloved.
Please stay strong & take good care X
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@Cathphil @Angel1309 @Hazel.1966 @AJO @Juniper19 thank you for a listen to your special song . Sadly, since I lost Baz I’ve lost my love of music for some reason. Ironic really, considering we met back in 1982 at Music College in Manchester. We were both classically trained musicians and music featured heavily in our lives right until the end . We shared a love of rock music and went to loads of gigs - something I’d never do with anyone else . So it’s nice hearing someone else’s tune .
Yes , this grieving is arduous and exhausting and sadly never ending. In the earlier days , thoughts passed through my head of the possibility of better days to follow someime. I now realise this is my fate - grieving the only man who has ever meant anything special to me . I accept he was enough, my one true love . So for me , I also do this journey alone , not really expecting anyone who’s not been there to understand.
Take care everyone, God bless you all x🥰
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@Ladysuisei6
Exactly, all of a sudden bright lights have been switched off - couldn’t have said any better! I used to think & even say to him life was so great and we were living our best lives and then boom he was taken away just like that - my whole world fell apart - life has since no meaning what so ever 
.
Sending strength & big hugs X
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@Angel1309 yes I know , it’s almost as heartbreaking as the loss itself. If truth be told , my son has been rather selfish and not been there for me when I’ve really needed him . We used to be very close as he is an only child . Baz was his stepdad for 20 years and we’ve not really spoken about his grief- he won’t share this with me , so maybe it’s that . He won’t tell me . We have been getting on a bit better recently but today he lost his temper with me over a misunderstanding- so trivial. I would have let it go but there we are . I’m finding all this adds to my grief and sadness but my son doesn’t get it . He’s only 30 , so not really experienced death . I’m hoping in time things will go back to how they were because I feel broken anyway . Life can be unexpectedly cruel sometimes- I never expected this to happen to us 
@Ladysuisei6
I started piano and French lessons just after the lockdown had started, then I suddenly lost all my focus and enthusiasm the day I lost my angel 8+ months ago. However I have just started playing again in the past few days although not regularly as I used to.
I do hope you will regain your love of music someday!
Grief is the price of love and grieving for our true love is something that we have to get through - alone. It’s a long and lonely journey but we do it with all the love we have for our beloved
Best wishes to everyone X
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I’m the same. We just loved each others company.I miss him so much.
I miss him every single second, minute, hour of everyday much more than I can say 
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@Ladysuisei6
Thank you for your lovely reply.
My playlist of songs contains 15.
As I said some that were Phil’s favourites, all country, and all emotional in their own way. One is Sweet Caroline… a favourite song too BUT more significantly, when he was coming out of his month long coma, back in 2016 this was the song he first showed recognition too.
As I said Loving her was Easier… Was the song I choose for his funeral.
The other songs are all sad ones I have found about missing dead partners…
The song by Don Williams I posted I also found after Phil had died, but I’d know he’d love it, and it IS about US, so it is OUR tune. The other songs on my playlist make me sad/give comfort at the same time, but the Don Williams one just makes me smile .
Take care on another day of our lonely journeys.
I’ve got a telephone appointment with the mental health nurse at our surgery today, after the counselling service she suggested , have somewhat let me down. She’s lovely though, so I’m hoping she will be able to help me a bit today
Love and hugs to all 
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to sudden arrythmic death syndrome last March. He went to work and never came home. I ask the same thing, why him, why me.
As it gets towards a year i am feeling it so strongly. I cry every morning.
I hope you have good friends and family that can help you get through this.
For me getting out and doing things helps me. I hope you find something that helps you.
Sending love xx
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I am so sorry for your loss it’s unfair my mum was my best friend not just my mum I hate life I just wanted to dye myself but my mum would kick my arse hun i am sorry you feel that why all I can say is one day at a time I don’t think your ever get over it my heart broken into two pieces x
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@Angel1309 yes this longing that we are all feeling is so horrible isn’t it . It’s just a case of wanting them back , which of course we can’t . Sometimes the permanence of this frightens me terribly
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@Cathphil i really hope the Mental Health nurse is able to help you in some way . It’s so important to have someone independent to speak to I think . I’m under the community mental health team ( have been for years) and sometimes they help . Sometimes they are useless - totally under resourced and then they lose interest. But at least I have someone to go to .
Sweet Caroline was one of my mum’s favourite tracks - sadly I lost her in January 2021 , the 15th . Which is one day and 2 years to my loss of my love ( he is the 16th January 2023)
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@Fliss ive just gone past the 1st anniversary of horror and it’s just as bad now as when I lost Baz . It’s something we never get over I think
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@Sacha49 yes I lost my beloved mother 2 years and 1 day to the loss of Baz . I often don’t want to go on either because my life has totally unraveled in the last few years . I would add though , my mum would also kick my arse for saying that
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@Ladysuisei6 yes, the permanence of this does really frighten me too - terribly.
Every day I dread the next day and the next day ……never ending
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@Angel1309 actually I once posted that the permanence of this scares me . If I actually think about my situation I sometimes trigger a panic attack so I try not to think wherever possible. This life is absolutely horrible isn’t it - I wouldn’t wish it on anyone