Hello not sure if everyone knows about this but there are some lovely groups two of which I’m with WAY UP for all and JDs (Jolly Dollies) for the ladies, I’m a coordinator for the JDs down here in Bournemouth you can google this to find out more information thought I would just pass on info.

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Thank you, SueG13 for this information, I shall take a look now.

… i am aware of them both, i have joined as a member of Way Up but as i dont have transport i cant get out and about to join up to meet anyone and as have mentioned i do have Multiple Sclerosis…so cant really take advantage of it…I think Jolly Dollies is also a way of meeting up with people, other women…so again not suitable for me without transport and living so way out as i do…But to be honest i am not really a socializer, as it was just me and my Richard…Richard was all that i needed…

How do you find out if there is a Way Up near to you. I can’t find anything that tells me what area’s they cover. I have written them an email but no response so far. However I have been lucky enough to find another group near to me and some of the hospice members have set up friendship meet ups. I keep pretty busy so just want to find the one that is the most beneficial for me. I don’t feel I want to be among grieving people for ever but who can tell… xxxx

… sounds like you are ready to fly the nest…good luck in your quest on finding the society’s-clubs-groups that keep you busy and not keep focusing on being around " grieving people, " forever…

Hi Pat - I am not sure how you find out if anything is going on in an area if it is not on the calendar on the Wayup site. But I have seen a posting such as does anyone want to meet up in Oxford for instance! I have not seen anything publicised for the Isle of wight.
I will be going to my third quiz night on Wednesday - it is a gentle evening with us all focusing on getting the answers right as we are up against other teams in the pub. There is a whatsapp group and results are celebrated or analysed on there and they are such a nice group of people. We are all in the same circumstance but we do not discuss our grief - apart from the odd comment about not being able to watch certain programmes or the like - but it was fun and a few laughs is what we all need. I may go to other things they are organising but for the time being will keep to the quiz nights. I do work so am out of the house three days a week - but I realise how empty my life is so am doing my best to fill the time with things I feel comfortable doing. Does not stop me missing him a hundred times a day xx

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Hi Trisha, thanks for the info. I did contact them by e-mail but have had no reply

Hi again Trisha afraid my first message went off all on it’s own so I never finished it. I too am trying to do things that normally wouldn’t really be of interest, perhaps it’s just me trying to convince myself that I can do this. I get invited to quizzes but afraid I don’t like this sort of thing and don’t know anyone, it is also at night and I don’t really feel I want to go out in the evenings. Who knows I might give it a go one day. I am fortunate that I don’t really feel my life is empty, only for Brian that is. I keep busy but do wonder if there is more out there for me or am I just too long in the tooth these days. I know what you mean about missing our men It’s so hard isn’t it. It’s so strange that they are more important now to us than they were before.
Pat xxx

Hi Pat
Not to worry about the ‘first’ reply. I constantly do that on my phone! I am not usually a ‘quizzer’ but you are correct I am filling my time. As you know, I am still working which is pretty stressful - but work fills my days - but like you I have to keep busy but by the time I get home it is still dark and my garden being on London clay is a quagmire at this time of year. I am fortunate in that my lovely daughter still lives at home but being young she is out a lot of the time - and I feel I need to make the effort to do something off my own back. I do not want to rely on friends and children all the time. I had plans for volunteering and for evening classes but I have to sign up for those on a regular basis and when work is particularly busy I don’t get in until nearly 8 at night - and 7 is a regular time. This quiz I can sign up for when I know I can and we form one team - it is a small group and play against other pub teams. No real commitment but they have been so welcoming - so far have been asked if I want to go on a ramble and a barn dance -both of which I refused - I will start slowly with the quizzes. I still cannot watch a lot of the TV programmes we watched together and music still just makes me cry. I have lost my enthusiasm for decorating and to be honest I am tired by the time I get home so don’t have the energy. I am reading again which is definitely progress - and I also love my crosswords - but I have never been one for hobbies - I get bored with them after a couple of weeks. Maybe one day !! Roll on the spring and summer. To be honest nothing we do will take away that huge gap in our lives - and I doubt it will ever go - we just have to work round it. It is like keeping the traffic flowing when there is a huge hole in the middle of the road. It is a diversion… I always put Gary first - as he did me - and delivering my daughter to the station at 6 am this morning the realisation hit that I would be making my own coffee again - and the tears came as they always do, Followed by a quick apology to him and the words I can do this !! Well once again a simple reply has turned into a ramble. Well I better now get in that shower and get a wiggle on. Take care
Trisha xxx

Hi Trisha, I almost envy you working but of course wouldn’t like to be away from my furry babies for long. They are my therapists so I need them. I did love being at work though and felt like a lost soul when I gave it up. Brian was very ill at the time although he got better that time and i decided it was time to concentrate on him. This is when we got the allotment and I am so pleased we did as it was what I needed, it gave me a sense of purpose again. I knew nothing about growing veg, flowers, yes.
My hobby was my horses but it was more a way of life. It took up so much of my time as well as the rest of the family. When I lost all that with the breakup of my previous marriage I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was all I knew. Nothing has ever come close.
I might just give the quiz thing a try. You do what makes you comfortable, we are treading on new ground here, that’s why I remained a walker/rambler it was something I enjoyed. I also liked photography but this was Brian’s thing and I couldn’t see the point in both of us clicking away. I might just take up this although I got rid of all his lovely (and very expensive camera’s). However I know that if I was to take it up again he wouldn’t be able to resist standing behind me telling me how to focus or whatever. He was passionate about his photography and always buying me camera’s Ha Ha it was just another excuse to add yet another camera to his collection. I never got to touch MY camera’s.
I offered to volunteer at the local Hospice in the gardens as I love gardening. I was given a four page questionaire, had to produce a CV (not even invented when I last applied for a job), my sexual orientation, my religion and all my schools and exams passed since the age of 11yrs. As well as go for training, and not forgetting the references. All this to do some weeding occasionally. I don’t think so… Nothing to hide though. I spent 34 yrs in public service.
Take care
Pat xxx