Widow/wife

I wish people would realise that, yes, I am now a widow, but I am still, first and foremost, his wife! That won’t change. We didn’t separate through choice. He was dragged kicking & screaming from his life. I was kicking & screaming wanting him to stay, I still am! I’m only a month in and people seem to think I should be moving on already. I’ll never move on. He is the only thing that could fix this neverending pain, stop the constant sick feeling, make me smile again.

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Hi Chick - so sorry to hear of your recent loss. It can be annoying/frustrating listening to people who haven’t experienced the grief and sadness brought about by the loss of a partner. Two things I have learned in the 4 months since my partner died - we grieve at our own pace, there’s no right or wrong way to do it, just ‘our way’. Secondly, we get a lot of people telling us that we can move on now (particularly right after the funeral) and they will bombard us with platitudes and what they think is good advice (which a lot of the time it isn’t). We all move on eventually but it can take time. When you feel ready, maybe chat to your GP about how things are and perhaps look into what is available to you around counselling (if that is what you think you need). We’re all going through grief and loss on these forums so you’re not alone. Best wishes.

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@Chick I am so sorry that your husband has died. I have no words that can ease the pain or heartbreak but all of us who find ourselves on this forum truly understand how it feels.

I will always be proud to be Chris’ wife. I hate that legally I am classed as unmarried but I will always be married to my husband. He did not leave me willingly, we didn’t separate and he wanted more than anything to stay with me.

Our marriage vows meant everything and for us “til death do us part” meant we would be married until both of us no longer exists. The ring he gave me with love on our wedding day will never leave my finger, just as he was cremated with his ring as it would have broken his heart for it to be removed.

It is 8 months since Chris died and my love grows ever stronger. I miss him with every ounce of my being and my heart will always be broken as he took the largest part with him.

We shared 28 years filled with love and laughter and I am so lucky that he picked me to share his life and love with.

Wishing you moments of peace :heart::people_hugging:

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Oh Chick.I know how you feel.I say wife. I still wear my rings.I hate the fact I have to take his name off the house title deeds and the bank account.I also hate it when someone says to now look after number one(meaning me)I honestly don’t know why I bother getting out of bed.To the people that were our friends, I have become invisible.

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I think through this journey the following i have found true…Strangers become friends, (particularly on this forum) and some friends have become strangers. I will always count myself the luckiest girl in the world that Bri chose me to spend his life, together almost 25 yrs sharing love laughs and adventures. Robbed of many more yrs but if my glass is half full then privileged to have the time that we did…
Sorry you all have had to find this forum

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@LonelyPanda I am so sorry that you are going through this horrendous journey with losing your husband. I lost my husband suddenly. I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed and time I got home he was gone. He was 53 years old. Died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism. Because of my husband sudden death the police came and asked us questions. They question my son for 20 mins. I just wanted them to go but they hung around for ages. They told me to take my husband wedding ring of his finger which I did as was in shock and never been in this situation. I now wear my lovely husband wedding ring but do wonder now if I should of left it on his finger. I some how feel guilty for that but thought I didn’t have a choice at the time xx

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@Hazel.1966 I am truly sorry that you too have found yourself on this nightmare journey called grief. Your husband dying suddenly must have been so frightening.

My husband died only 25 days after diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. He was told then that he only had weeks, maybe a month or two to live. No time at all. He had been so fit and well up until a couple of weeks prior when he developed shortness of breath and his voice reduced to a whisper. His GP suspected a viral/chest infection and it was only because he wasn’t improving that I took him to A&E and his cancer was found following an x-ray and CT scan.

Chris died at home, just me and him. He had signed a DNR on the day he was diagnosed, also he put in place an Advanced Directive which confirmed he wanted only me to care for him, no hospital treatment, no medical intervention.

His GP also provided a certificate which confirmed that if he died it would be because of lung cancer. This form meant that police would not need to be called when he died at home. I had to call paramedics to attend to confirm his death but I was then able to spend a few hours with him, holding him and telling him how much he meant to me before the funeral director came for him.

It broke my heart that Chris organised the paperwork, but he said it was to protect me from having to perform CPR or have to answer police questions. My brave man thinking of me right until the end.

How heartbreaking that the police told you to remove your husband’s wedding ring. They must have had a reason for that but I can’t imagine why. Please try not to feel guilty - wear his ring with pride and think of all the love it is infused with and may it bring you some comfort.

@LonelyPanda thank you for your reply. How very sad that your husband was diagnosed with cancer and didn’t have the chance to fight it. I can’t imagine how hard it must of been for both of you. Though my husband died suddenly of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism he also had undiagnosed kidney cancer which was in both kidneys. We never knew and my husband worked up to the day before he died. 20 months previously he had a 3 meter fall and smashed his elbow and I think this mask his symptoms. Such a unfair and cruel life we live in. My own wedding doesn’t fit me any more so I wear that on a pandora necklace that my husband brought for me on our 25th wedding anniversary which was 3 months before he died. :broken_heart: Big hugs xx