Widowed aged 43!

Im new but really hoping someone can help me! In the last 2 years i’ve lost my dad, my older brother, my dog (had him for 15 years) and my husband!
My brother had a massive stroke, then my dad had a cpl of brain haemorrhages which required major brain surgery. They were in 2 different hospitals at the same time, my brother started recovering but my dad was semi vegetative and died a few months later. 6 days after he died my lovely husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer! My brother died suddenly just before my husband was diagnosed as terminal! Our lovely dog died xmas 2016 and then my husband followed 4 months later!
Not sure what im supposed to be feeling now but pretty sure i should feel something! Just feel numb, really disconnected and untouched by everything happening around me! I smile and go thru the motions of each day, but just feel so lost and numb!

We lost our loving dog just before Christmas and my Husband suddenly on Fri 19th Jan 2018
Im still in shock!
I really, really feel for you and send you huge hugs!
Numbness is a feeling I share too
The world for me has stopped !
What you have experienced is such a huge loss and so cruel!
Thoughts with you xxx

HI Jsinky

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses in so short a time. I’m not surprised you are feeling numb. You have had no time to process one loss before another has hit you.
It sounds as though you have internalised your grief as a way of protecting yourself from further pain. Why do I think this? I experienced something similar in October. My husband died unexpectedly in his sleep at the same time I was diagnosed with Cancer. Our best friend died on the same day and I had to close our business overnight. It was too much for me to take in. I felt completely traumatised.

I have found help through working through the exercises in a book called Grief Recovery by John James. I also found a therapist who is helping me with my emotional healing. It is early days. I have shed a lot of tears but that numb feeling has gone.

Counselling is often recommended but like me you have so many losses it’s difficult to just focus on one. You really need to find someone who is experienced in trauma.

Just wanted you to know that someone understands and is thinking of you.

Yvonne X

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Thank you and im so sorry for your losses! Wish i could say something comforting, but im at a loss! To me its just getting harder with time, harder to pretend all is ok! All i can think of is if you can cry then please do! I haven’t / can’t because its too overwhelming - maybe if i had it would have helped! Will be thinking of you xxx

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Thank you and im so sorry for all your going through! I know i shouldnt complain, i’m not facing the battle you are and yet you seem so balanced - you are inspiring!
I havent cried since the day my husband died and i left the hospice without him - i wish i could but it is just too much! Wishing you all the strength love and peace you need to fight your battle xxx

My husband died suddenly when I was 45. Leaving me with 2 children aged 10 and 12. This was June 2016. What I have learned, is that grief is a very individual experience, and I too have felt numb. I think this is a self preservation thing your mind and body do, because you just don’t have the capacity to hurt as much as you need to. It will come, but hopefully only in as much as you can cope with. Take time for, and be kind to yourself. X

My husband died very suddenly on new years night I am 47 he was 50 he dropped in front of me and our disabled son outside our front door on return from family night out he wasn’t ill no warning he had pain in his chest on 19th December and was checked out at local A&E after visit to nurse he was given clean bill of health ecg chest x Ray etc done he was a wonderful husband my best friend soul mate and a fantastic dad every day is a mountain to climb we miss him so much he worked from home to help care for our son our loss is so difficult and painful our home feels like someone else home finding it very difficult I wake every morning still can’t believe he gone been told its early days only 8 weeks ago our whole life has changed my son describes it as us being a triangle with a side taken away came on this forum just to vent how we feel Thankyou xxx

So sorry for the cruel blow you have all suffered. Hard to know what to say but venting does help. Talking and crying as upsetting as they are is a way of healing. I have suffered recent loss of my mum but cannot compare this to your own stories only that I know what grief feels like and I wish you all the best in the journey to healing or coping with the loss. Much love to you all

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