My partner of 15 years died unexpectedly six weeks ago. I decided to leave our house (which we moved in two years ago) two days after his funeral for a long break abroad. I thought running away from a place that we built with lovely memories would lessen my heartbreak but instead all that wrenching pain has followed me here… He was my Mr Everything. Right now the heartache is indescribable. I cry and sob daily despite being surrounded by my supportive family and friends.
My life is just an ebb of constant pain, sorrow and anger. I can’t seem to find any comfort in any of the lovely memories that we had of which there was plenty.
If grief is the price that we pay for loving someone, will it ever go away as time goes by? Right now I can’t imagine there is even a glimpse of light at the end of this long narrow dark tunnel that I live in…. Will I ever walk out of this horrid storm one day?
You will but in your own way, which you have to find. Still looking for mine after nearly 3 years! What do I do? I just carry on, trying to look after those i love, mostly my two step-daughters and their children. Take care x
Yes it’s horrendous .I am sure lots on this forum fully understand how you feel : it is so raw and so many emotions x
Shock , unreal . Has this really happened to us why etc etc
I can only advise soeak about how you feel etc with those you feel comfortable with be it friends famiily etc
And think of your own needs now above all others as think once we have devastating loss we realise sometimes how others drained our resources I know I have realised that lately
@JNG258 I am so sorry for your loss. Your words resonate with everyone here. Those of us at the beginning of this awful journey can only say we could have written your post. We can empathise with you and support you. Others further on the path can better advise you. All I know is I have never experienced such pain both physical and emotional and like you wonder how this can ever end. You are not alone.
@JNG258 - I am so sorry your partner has died so suddenly. This is so hard for you. In early days in grief, no-one can outrun it, no-one can escape it. Grief is, oddly, a process of healing - even though it doesn’t feel like that very much, very often. All I can say is that I write this the day after my husband’s first anniversary. And you know what? The absence is less vast. The pain is lessening, the hole in my heart torn open when he died has closed. And I know he wants me now, after this year, to go and live. This is my experience, my friend. You will get through this. You are in the earliest days and there is no other way but through these days. So hold on, hold tight, talk to him. And you will be ok x
@Johnch - thank you for your caring words. I can only my being as a pin ball machine. I have two lovely grown-up children and a stepson at 18. I do find that I am keeping them very close to my heart
@Ferne - thanks for taking the time to write back. I wouldn’t have survived the shock, pain, anger and sleep deprivation without my supportive friends and family.
Same sentiment on what you said about people who drain our resources … who just do not radiate good vibes
@Vancouver - I am glad that you are slowly feeling better after a year of your husband’s death. Thank you for your kind words - much appreciated.
Please carry on doing what you have been doing for the past year - hopefully life will be more of a dance of joy and happiness for the year ahead xx
