Will I ever cope

5 weeks on and struggling missing my husband so much he was my strength, my mum lived with us and still stays with me she suffered from many ailments and vascular dementia, the times I miss most are when she was in bed we would sit and chat have a laugh and that’s all gone, I know it’s still early but I keep looking for things to fill this massive void that I feel, when it all first happened my family were full of support coming in to check on both me and my mum now it’s broken promises it’s been over a week since I saw my sister she will phone to say she’s coming for a visit then phone to say she can’t make it. I haven’t spoken to my brother in a long time although he does phone my mum every week, I just feel that they both know mums well looked after so they don’t need to bother and I’ve been told to find a project to keep me busy when all I really want is company and someone to tell me it will get better, as I said Ally was my strength he was always there to listen and keep me grounded when I would go off on one I just feel someone or something has ripped my heart out and are stamping all over it. So sorry for sounding oh woes me when everyone on this site is going through the same (think I just need to sound of ) thank you for listening

Hi liz

Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I’m in a different situation in that my mum lived with us too but it’s her that died suddenly 12 weeks ago.
I loved her living with us and now everything has changed in the house.its so quiet.
My mum only had arthritis as an ailment and was really active and funny. I loved sitting with my partner of an evening knowing mum was in her living room and everyone I loved was safe.
Mum died very suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. My sister only visited her every few weeks as I think she also felt mum lived with me and was well looked after.
Since she has died my sister has told me to draw a line under her death. The only difference to my sister is that she hasnt visited mum for a while whereas I lived with her and her absence has left such a void in my life.
Was your husbands death sudden? My dad died suddenly from a heart attack 21 years ago when mum was only 53. Life was hard but we supported each other. Now she has gone I feel very alone even though I have a lovely partner and a daughter.

‘Draw a line under it’. My gosh, were it so easy!! We would all do that if we could, but we can’t. How some come out with such unthinking remarks is beyond me.
I thought I must have heard all the platitudes possible, but they still come up.

I know jonathan123,

She means well but doesnt know what to say I think. She went back to work the say after mum died and has been able to just put it out of her mind.
I cant do that and neither would I want to.

Hi c1971 and Jonathan 123
That’s a new one on me draw a line under it as you said Jonathan if only we could and it was that easy, Ally passed within 6 weeks of diagnosis throat cancer (not even a smoker) not enough time to say everything I needed to say to him, it’s the broken promises that hurt I have to say his family have been great but they also look after Al’s 89 year old mum who not coping either as with you c1971 my mum is a bundle of fun but trying to get a conversation is not without it’s difficulties, it sounds like you have a very supportive partner and daughter who will help you through this difficult time lean on them and talk I find talking eases the pain slightly, unfortunately some people don’t understand or can’t cope with someone going through grief
sending you big hugs your in my thoughts x

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