Will I ever start living again.

It’s been 4 months tomorrow since my mother died.I am in such a dark place.Nothing makes sense anymore.Its like life is going on and I’m standing still.Everyday is a battle.I just keep hoping to wake up from this nightmare but this is real it’s my normal and I hate it.I needed my mother more than ever and she’s just gone.I am so lost.The weather is beautiful today but it doesn’t make a difference.All I see in front of me is darkness.I feel so alone.To make matters worse I had covid in January and I lost my sense of smell and taste.Everything tastes and smells horrible.My cat also passed away last month.How can so many bad things happen one after another?

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Dear StarHeart,

You describe very well what so many people feel when they have lost a loved one: ‘life is going on and I’m standing still’. I am much older than you, but I lost first my dad and then my mum a few years ago, and I certainly often felt like that in the months after their deaths. I can’t answer your question why so many bad things can happen after another. Sometimes life is just like that, and there is no one or nothing to blame for it.

From my own experience, and from the many stories on here I can answer your other question: yes, you will start living again. Life will never be the same again, but you will find a way to live with the grief and see light at the end of the tunnel.

Talking with others can be a great help, especially if they themselves have lost someone. When you feel low, it can be good to have company. Do you have any good friends you can spend time with?

Like you, I lost my sense of smell and taste last year, I think my son and I may both have had Covid without knowing it. Everything tasted like disinfectant, it was awful. Sometimes things still taste different from whet I expect, but most of the time it’s okay now. You may still feel run down from Covid too, and that won’t help because grief takes up a lot of energy. I had to pace myself and be content with only doing very little until I felt better.

I see from your profile that you have a young son. It must have been hard for him too, to lose his grandma, and also to cope with the death of your cat. In a way, it may help you that you have him to look after, or are you finding that very difficult at the moment?

I hope that you will feel less alone when you read the posts and replies on this site, and that you will make new friends on here.
Jo

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Hi Starheart
I lost my Mom 14 months ago and I felt the same as you
I dont know how I got out of bed in the mornings and I felt so ill
I struggled with everything but somehow got through and you will feel better in time
I still suffer but it gets easier

Hi I lost my month just last month. I can’t fall asleep . I am scared to sleep because I wake up at odd hours can’t go back to sleep and then all I do is cry and have this heavy heart and hollowness in my stomach. I cry all day I cry all night. Hers was sudden death due to covid and I can’t keep going over how things could have been different if we had done this if we had done that … it is horrendous. I don’t know if o can carry on live with the guilt. It’s hard at the moment to live with myself. I was hoping things will ease but all of you seem to be suffering equally even when time has passed so I see no hope.

I was the same after my Mom passed away
and its natural to have feelings if guilt but it is out of our control and we mustn’t blame ourselves
your feelings show how much you loved your Mom and she would have known this
try to be kind to yourself and I can tell you it does get better over time believe me
I was so bad after my Mom died I suffered all sorts of pains and panic but gradually it has improved
it is very early days for you
try to talk to others around you as it helps also talking on here with others who have gone through the same is a great help

I do try to talk to others but I find it hard as I find their words not helpful because they have their mum and I don’t so they will never understand what I am going through. I feel like a horrible person but I am a avoiding speaking to anyone who has a mum as it makes me jealous and makes me realise my loss …I feel bad at this meanness in me.

Hi,

So sorry for your loss. Lost my Mum coming up to 4 years ago,and my Dad 2 years,also
the family dog passed away this January. Feel the same as you,wish i could say it gets easier,but i can’t,i just get through each day as an existence now,look forward to bedtimes when i can actually sleep. Thinking of you,Lucy,xxx

I felt like that
I work in a gift shop and I had to deal with Mothers Day and Christmas and I felt horrible when Moms and Daughters came in but now I just try not to compare my life to theirs and I focus on something else
you will have to give yourself time and learn a new life for yourself
how old was your Mom

Hi Lucy
You have been through such a tough few years
I lost my Mom 14 months ago and my 13 year old Golden Retriever died last month
losing my Mom has made me so ill I thought I would never be well again
I found talking on this site really helpful and losing parents is something I knew I had to face at some point but coping is awful
I keep myself as busy as possible and have got a puppy
if I gave up my Mom would have given me a good telling off I can hear her now
I hope you find some peace with your grief
do you have other family

Hi,

Tess11,

Thanks for the messages. My Mum had just turned 58 and had suffered from an illness since i was born,i was Lucky she lived as long as she did with the amount of tablets she had to take each day,but was a very strong women. I have no choice but to go on for the sake of my 14 year old son,but apart from him have little other family,no brothers/sisters etc. Also i have suffered from severe anxiety/depression for 9 years now,so i am to unwell to work. Very lonely at times,as my son is growing up,has a girlfriend,so pretty much on my own. I miss my step-dad just as much,who i saw as my real Dad, Life just isn’t fair for many,not just me.

Do you think you might get another dog soon

Hi,

Tess11,

My dog who passed away was being cared for by my Auntie,as i live in a 2nd floor flat,can’t have a dog.

Hi Lucy
its sad when you lose a pet
do you see your Auntie a lot family is a big help

Hi,

Tess11,

I rarely see my Auntie as she’s all the way in Nottingham,and train fare very expensive. I hope you get the support you need,xxx

I wish the same for you
theres always hope

Thank you everyone for all your support and advice.IIm sorry I haven’t replied.Its just so hard at the moment.Im facing my first birthday without my mother and it is killing me.Im 34 soon and all i want is a hug from my mother.Ive found that you don’t realise how scary and lonely life can be until you lose your mom.She was my only female support.There is just my dad and my brother left.Every day I wake up my stomach turns and I feel nauseous.All I can think is this can’t be real this can’t be my life now.

I hope you are all finding ways to cope and have support around you. I wish I could help more and there were more words I could say to help.

Hi Starheart
Losing our Moms is terrible its been 14 months since my Mom passed away
I saw her frequently and called her almost everyday my heart aches
I also have my Dad and my Brother but I did feel very alone
I am only just starting to accept it a little
I often have days of panic but I realise thats how it is
talking on here to others who feel the same has been a big help
I suppose we must learn a new way of life and remember the good times as they would want us to

Thank you.Im sorry that you’ve lost your mom too.I do hope things get better for you in some ways.I try and think about things getter better but the future scares me.My mother was the rock in my family.The one who did everything for everyone.My father tries but he’s not that and I miss that support.

Its the same in our family
my Mom was the strong one and I lost all my confidence and it affected my health
things have improved but very slowly and im not back to how i was before
but just believe it will get easier
x

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