Same here. Mum was the rock of our family. Dad just can’t replace her at all in fact he was 100%dependent on her too. I lost her early May this year. And I wake up every morning nauseous and with a hollowness and still can’t believe she went so quick and so sudden and so young at 70. I have spent hours everyday working through every scenario in my head what if we had done this what if we had not admitted her to the hospital , what if we had given a different medicine , what if I had reached a week before ……it’s driving me Insane.
ah 70 is so young bless her
dont beat yourself up she wouldnt want that
x
Hi all, sorry to hear you have all suffered such loss and heart ache too, I lost my Mum in March this year, completely out the blue, she passed away 12 days after a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. Covid has made things so much harder as we missed out on such valuable time with her last year and the last time I saw her well was just before Christmas dropping presents off on the doorstep and she was her normal self. I was only allowed into the hospital once to see her wearing full PPE and respiratory hood 4 days before she passed away, it was quite a shock to see her looking so unwell. Like alot of you I am really struggling and feel stuck in time, going over and over it in my mind, I also hold guilt wishing we had seen more of her last year, but I followed the rules and lived in fear of passing anything on and visa versa, she longed to hug my daughters and my heart breaks that they were unable to do that. I hurt at how terrified she must have been. I know how you feel Lost5 about feeling resentful to those who have their Mum’s still as I have felt it too. With restrictions easing I see people posting online meeting up with family and friends and how great it is, I totally get it but I ache and break alittle more inside as the one person I longed to do the same with I can’t… It all came too late. Sending hugs to you all and thank you for sharing your stories, it helps in making me feel less alone.
Totally get what you say. I’m there too, a few months on. The worst nightmare, that is going on and on and I can’t wake up. Even the good days are dried out and empty feeling.
Keep being told it’s very early days and I have to believe them.
Hi Treehugger,
Sorry to hear you have suffered loss too and are also struggling, I totally get the empty feeling, life seems to be carrying on and I do what I have to but inside I feel very empty like my own spirit has left me. I have been told it’s very early days too, but you wonder will you ever feel better!! People say you never get over it you just learn to adjust, seems unbearable right now doesn’t it.
I totally understand what you are going through im 15 months on from losing my Mom and it is easier
you cary it with you all of the time but it is as acceptance and with much less pain
i had all the guilt feelings of not seeing my Mom enough when she was well and could i have done more but you come to realise that it is out of your control and she new i loved her so much as will yours
sending hugs
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Hi Lost
I hope you find some peace with your thoughts soon
I was exactly the same Ive gone crazy trying to work out if things could have been different
and blaming myself for anything
my Mom had lung cancer and hadn’t smoked for 40 years it took a month in hospital to diagnose
they couldnt tell where it had come from
I watched her slip away snd I thought I would die to it felt like my heart had been ripped out
the pain has eased and I am starting to remember good times but it takes a long time
thank you for sharing x
Hi EmmaJ,
That’s spot on, it does feel like my spirit has left too. I know something as enormous as losing a mother (is there anything bigger?) can never be anything but a very slow process of change after the shock of them dying. So in that sense I know it won’t always be like it is now. But yeah, just can’t know what the future holds.
I’m sorry to read about your loss too. God, the pain of it all. I totally share your feelings of shock and guilt about following covid rules. I missed so much time and precious hugs together. Had no idea she was going to die so soon. It’s just unimaginable that it all happened in the way it did.
We are bearing the unbearable. Sending hugs xx
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Hi Treehugger,
Sending you big hugs back, how are you doing?
I know I am not the only one that missed out on special time last year with loved ones but it is amazing how alone you can feel with it. Sorry to hear you have suffered the same, sharing stories does highlight that we are not the only ones, for whatever reason I don’t think this has been talked about enough on TV. There is so much emphasis of how families can now reunite after being apart for so long but there is little acknowledgement to those of us that no longer have the chance. It all seems to impersonal with the covid victims alone they have become to the general public a number, it seems forgotten that number relates to a life and devastated families left behind, obviously there are all the non related covid deaths too that covid effected, I think that is why I struggle with seeing people complaining about in my view such silly things that they can’t yet do!!
Feel free to message anytime, take care xx
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Hi EmmaJ,
Thanks, hugs gratefully received! Am doing ok, missing my Mum desperately at the minute but this week’s been better than last so far. How about you?
I totally agree the coverage about bereaved families - of covid victims through to people like us whose relative/s died during pandemic - is distressingly little. I’ve never in my life before felt so unseen. I’ve also felt maddened by people moaning about ‘not being allowed’ to go to the pub etc. With not a thought to those who would gladly give up all luxuries in order to spend a minute more with the person they’ve lost. It’s not about anyone feeling guilty if they haven’t lost anyone, I just wish people wouldn’t forget those who have. We’re all human.
Don’t know about you but the experience of my Mum’s death has definitely changed the way I’m seeing everything, even after only a few months. The thought of returning to some kind of ‘normal’ seems completely irrelevant anyway.
Message me whenever you like too xx
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