Lost my husband, traumatically aged 66 last November to an unexpected and catastrophic heart attack - lying in bed next to me. Am functioning well in many ways. Go out and enjoy being with friends and family. Still working a bit. Have an exciting holiday planned Can laugh again… BUT it seems impossible to stop thinking about him and missing him and feeling jealous of everyone else who still has their partner. I have begun to think the grief will actually never end, despite the fact that I know I have to learn to live round it and make a new life for myself. Sometimes selfishly feel angry too that my own life has been spoilt. Anyone else feel like this and is there a point when acceptance comes according to the theory of the grief stages?
Hi Mrsmap
I’m 3.5 yrs into losing my partner also suddenly and will say from my own experience I still feel the way you have described sometimes. I have recently posted for the first time on this forum as I’m really struggling at the moment. The injustice of having to make a new life for myself and daughter from the one that was planned is all encompassing some days but the days in between little by little I guess you forge a new path as time doesn’t stop for anyone and look at us all…we’re getting through it carving out new lives for ourselves even if it doesn’t feel that way. I’m glad to read you have a holiday planned and you feel the excitement for it, that is a real positive. Take care
3.5 years or 3 weeks makes little difference if we feel grief. It can hit us at any time or place. I am so glad to hear you are taking a more positive attitude. Forging a new path is never easy, no matter how long ago you were bereaved.
‘A new path’. Yes, sadly the old path is gone. That’s a fact we have to face, but a new path may be opening up. I think so and that’s how I feel, not everyone will feel the same.
We have to take every opportunity to find some help and maybe some relief. In the early stages this may not be possible. What’s early? It depends on individual circumstances and we could say how long is a piece of string. Months years?
Yes, ‘injustice’ does seem appropriate. We may feel cheated, done out of a life and with little hope for the future. I felt that way last year, but not so much now. The awful pain is still there but I am slowly learning to live with it.
Ups and downs! Oh yes. But the downs are a little less down and the ups a bit higher.
I never thought in the beginning I would ever recover at all, now I know it’s possible. Never forget but carry on with life. The mistake we may make is to judge ourselves as we feel in the early stages. How we feel then is not a benchmark as to how we will feel later. Oh no! I believe in love, keeping love in your heart for your lost one and those around you, and there is always hope.
You have your daughter to consider and I am sure you try and make things as normal as you can.
Take care and Blessings.
Hi Jonathan (I’ve finally worked out which reply button to press)
Your posts are really helpful and your words ring true so thank you for taking the time to speak so freely