I have recently lost my wonderful Mum (2 months ago) and I thought that I was coping. But over the past few days the grief and sadness has hit me again like a ton of bricks .
The crying doesn’t seem to want to stop, although now it’s for more times during the day but it lasts a bit less when the tears come. The sobbing uncontrollably has eased somewhat but I’m missing her more and more each day. There’s a big Mum shaped hole in my life now that I don’t know how to fill.
Is this normal? Am I feeling normal feelings or am I finally cracking up? I just don’t know what to do, I just want my Mum! How do I get over this and try to make a new life for myself? I know I have to but I don’t want to. Every step forward feels like a betrayal as I do things she’ll no longer be a part of. Any advice?
I just lost my mum yesterday. Buried her not quite long. And I’ve been looking for consolation online too because it hurts. It hurts so much that I would never get to see her again. But I would share the advice those around me have been saying. They said to live life like she’s watching. And my mum isn’t dead. She’s on a journey rooting for me.
Dear Sheena, try not to worry too much about what’s “normal” - grief is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong. Some days you might be on the floor crying, some days you might feel strangely numb and wonder where the tears have gone. Its all ok.
Don’t think too far ahead right now about building a new life etc - for now just tend to your grief, and to your body. Sleep, hydration, food - the basics to help your body cope with the massive stress its under. And movement of any type is good too, even just a short walk round the block. And if the tears come, let them - its better than bottling everything up
One thing that I found helpful in the early days particularly were podcasts on grief - i used to take a walk around the park and listen. It helped me feel less isolated and helped me to realise everything I was feeling was ok. If youre interested in trying some, a couple that I’d recommend that have an extensive back catalogue are Good Mourning with Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn, and Griefcast with Cariad Lloyd. Im sure others might have some more recommendations.
Thank you so much for your lovely reply. I was beginning to wonder how I was going to get through this and if everything I’m going through and feeling is “normal”. It’s a situation I’ve not been in for a very long time (my Dad passed away nearly 30 years ago) and me and my Mum got through that together. This time I’m trying to cope on my own and it’s really difficult without the support of others.
I will certainly try those podcasts you recommended.
I’m also trying my best to look after myself, but proper sleep is eluding me right now, as are proper meals. I just eat what I feel like at the time!
But the kind words from you and others on here give me hope and a lot of comfort.
There’s a huge difference between losing one parent while having the other parent as support and having lost both. It’s like drifting at sea but still having an anchor versus being without both anchor and oars. I understand that you find yourself wondering if it’s normal or not, but like Ally I don’t think you should worry about it. It’s easier said than done to look after oneself, I’ve mostly survived on ready-made meals and that’s affected me physically, so make sure to take supplements if you don’t eat properly.
Yes that’s a good point Ulma makes about supplements. A few months after I lost Mum i started aching deep down in my bones and discovered I was deficient in Vitamin D for the first time ever, so im not sure if the grief somehow made it worse?
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