Will the tears ever be under control

I totally understand it’s early days for me as I lost my Rob just over six weeks ago. There are days when I feel I’m not too bad today and have a walk down the village and then I see someone who comes up and says “ I’m sorry to hear about Rob it must have been a shock for you all” and then they start tears rolling down my face . I’m in the middle of the high street and passers by are gawping . I totally understand people want to give their condolences and things that’s not what I’m saying , it’s just I wish I could get more control over when the tears flow.
At the very beginning I was getting messages off family and friends all the time and now six week later it’s almost stopped I know they have their lives to lead and I’m happy to go out for a walk on my own I live within walking distance to a beautiful famous forest but I know I won’t be out long before I see someone and what I’m trying to avoid will happen.

2 Likes

Hi. Kazzer. It’s OK. If you breakdown when you meet someone and they know what has happened then let the tears come. If they don’t understand then that’s their problem. I know it’s embarrassing and makes one feel foolish, but six weeks is so little time to begin to control emotions. We should not make an effort to control them anyway. They are Natures way of relieving a little of the stress we go thorough. Now you may want to avoid those who may ask questions, but later, when you get over the initial shock, it’s good to talk about our loved ones, but only to those who understand.
This event is a life trauma. Anxiety and fear so often accompany grief.
Family and friends go their own ways. We seem to be forgotten. They promise this and that then let you down when you need them most. But not all are like that. I have made some new friends who understand.
Very best wishes. Take care and give yourself time. John.

2 Likes

I suspect whatever friends and family do it won’t be right. It’s now seven weeks since Karen died and I think I am the only one who mentions her name. Friends/family are regularly phoning and messaging me to ensure I’m “okay” but the K word is rarely mentioned

Hi there Kazzer
Why try to avoid those tears. Let them flow, don’t be ashamed of them, they are your tribute to your Rob. It’s not your problem if people don’t understand. The tears will ease when your ready but for now your loss is still very raw so don’t rush yourself.
Keep walking in your beautiful forest, enjoy your dogs, best therapy there is. Listen to the birds and I also talk to the tree’s. It really is calming.
Friends and family forgetting us. This topic has been approached many times and it seems to be the general thing. It hurts at first but eventually you will learn to dismiss them, concentrate on the people that do give you their time.
Good luck to you.
Pat xx

3 Likes

Pattidot thank you

I’m so sorry for your loss & like the others have kindly said, just let the tears flow, each one is for Rob & your love for him & apparently go towards healing (to early in our journey’s to see this).
I have cried almost non stop for a couple days for my precious son Ryan who passed away suddenly in June, he was only 22 & I’m utterly broken. The only people they to be strong for are my husband & my other son, but sometimes (often) not even that’s possible. I haven’t got the energy to consider others. Be gentle and kind to yourself, sending love and strength to you xx

2 Likes

Rach25 my heart goes out to you and your family . Life is so cruel to take people who are so young with a big chunk of their life ahead of them my Rob was only 56 and devoted his working life to nursing . We had so many plans for when we retired from nursing . Thank you for your reply in what is equally a difficult time for you all too . X x❤️

1 Like

:heart::heart::heart: thank you too for your kind words. :heart::heart::heart:

1 Like

Hi Kazzer
I know what you mean about seeing people. I know they mean well when they ask how I am doing but they dont really want the real answer so I tended in the beggining to say not to bad.
Now I just say i am still breathing usually stops the conversation going on. I dont get the head tilt from them for so long now.
It is weird how initially everyones phrase is i am there if you need me to then go to nothing but then do they assume your good to go now youve had time to grieve.
Anyway I dont mind come go stay or dont. I have a newer attitude and it seems to be that I dont much care for others unless they are in my small circle of choice.
I think covid has caused solitude and for me thats ace but not for all.

3 Likes

Hi Kazzer–I think people that haven’t experienced grief think its all over after a few weeks and think you are back to normal and others that can’t handle grief don’t want to be around you cause it causes pain for them. I have cried a lot and now just let it flow when it comes–(always have tissues in my pocket now) my counsellor said you’ve got to feel the pain to get through the pain as I was trying not to cry at one point so now I cry and feel terrible while crying but after feel a bit stronger and accept its just part of the grieving process that has to be done. I walk my dog everyday and try to look at the wonders of nature (your forest sounds lovely) and just take one day at a time. x

Rach25–I just want to say hi and send you hugs and love --we are all in such a lot of pain but also want to help each other–that why I love this site --so much love and compassion xx :purple_heart:

2 Likes

Thank you so very much for your kind words, they are so appreciated. Sending love and strength to you & everyone :heart::heart: xx

Grief is a terrible feeling of loss .
It’s good to talk about it and your words moved me

1 Like

Sending love and strength Paul xx

1 Like