Will this help you?

Like so many bereaved and lonely people I often scour the Internet for help and support. I can’t remember where I found this but perhaps it might help some one else like it has helped me. Take care everyone xxx

""Sometimes I think one’s ability to cope with grief depends on their determination to get out of bed every morning, to stand ankle deep in the wreckage of a life smashed in a million little pieces, and say “I don’t know how, but I can put this back together.” And every day you continue to get up and labor, trying to glue teeny tiny fractured pieces of your past life back together until one day you realize you can’t. You can’t put it back together the way it was before.

So you spend a few hours, days, or months feeling heartbroken, bitter, angry, and sad. You rail against reality, feeling cheated out of what might have, could have, or should have been. But in all your despair, you still don’t give up. You keep hoping for it all to make sense until one day it dawns on you that even though you can’t put it back together the way it was before, you can take what’s left of your life with your loved one, you can take your memories and lessons learned and continued connection, and you can build something different.

So, again, you start building, and despite regular disappointments, discouragements, and moments of hopelessness, you keep trying.

When you have a bad day one day, you still get out of bed the next

When their photograph makes you cry, you keep looking until it doesn’t.

When your friend lets you down, you give them another chance.

When you break down in tears in public, you learn to stand still and let it pass.

When a support group or therapist isn’t helpful, you find a new one.

When your life seems meaningless and confusing, you hope that tomorrow, or the next day, will feel different.

You feel weak every single day because you are one small person rebuilding an entire world, but what you don’t stop to realize is that your daily acts of resilience in grief are brief demonstrations of immense strength. You stumble and get stuck, you feel lost and alone, but so long as you keep trying and keep pushing, you grow stronger every day.

Keep trying, because tomorrow is a new day. It may not feel like it, in fact tomorrow may feel like a worse day, but eventually you’ll reach a tomorrow where you look back and say, “I’m okay”. “”

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Thanks for posting, Amelie’sgran. Reading things like this helps you find the strength to go on when all you feel like doing is giving up.
Ann

Thank you for the posting it made me cry and it makes a lot of sense. But no matter how many times I get out of bed each morning, get through another day, week, month or year I still feel as though I am fighting a losing battle because nothing will ever be the same again.

When I look back over the past three years and four months without my husband, I think to myself, how on earth have I managed to make it so far, I must be a heck of a lot stronger than I feel.

There are days when I am OK and kind of accept what has happened then there are days when I just want to stay in bed forever. As soon as you get your head above water a darned big wave of despair knocks you back down again.

This grief is what we get for loving someone with all our hearts and we should be grateful that we spent our lives with someone who made us feel this way.

Thank you.

Sheila

xxx

1 Like

I like this one also

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself” – Unknown

A bird wont break down because the branch has broken it will fly off and find one that hasnt!!!

Thank you Ameliasgran. That’s a very inspiring article. It describes how things are I think xx

Thanks for posting this, its so inspirational and I will keep referring back to it to keep me going. Best wishes from Elaine x

Thank you for sharing this.

H. I have just read your text ameliasgran, just at the rigt time as thos is how I feel. Morning’s are worse when no one is about and I have to get out of the houae to find someone to talk to or else I feel panicky. Does anyone else feel this way ?

I lost my husband a 18 months ago. I relate completely to what you say. I have written down your last paragraph and will read that often, thank you and take care.

I thought l was replying to Sheila’s letter.

Hello, Sheila. I haven’t been on here much lately but your posting caught my eye, as it usually does, and I just had to say that I also seem to be fighting a losing battle after eight months without my husband. I have a fight to get out of bed in the morning when all I want to do is stay there forever. I make myself get up, shower and put on my make up because that is what Bill would want me to do. I had a very nice day with my youngest son yesterday but when he brought me home and I had to open the front door to an empty flat, I felt so sad and lonely. This evening I played some of the music Bill loved and it reduced me to tears. The longing to reach out and hold his hand was overwhelming and I was distraught. Sunday is always a bad day for me so I am hoping tomorrow will feel a little better. I hope you coped with the snow. Warmest regards. Eileen xx

Hello Eileen, thank you for your comments. I also just feel lost at the moment. Our youngest son is caught up with his new life, new baby and moving into his brand new home in three weeks time. Our eldest son has a new girlfriend and is also caught up with a new life.

They have moved on, just like I did when my dad died when I was 25 because I had Peter so I fully understand it. For me and you and many more grief stricken people on this forum, we are stuck between the past where I want to be, in the present where I have to be and a future that is facing me and which I don’t even want to think about.

For you Eileen, it is very, very early days and I wish with all my heart I could tell you that it will get better, but as you can see, in my case, it hasn’t. I go out with friends, to a club once a month and now a gardening club once a month but it is not me, I am young at heart, or I used to be. Before Peter got really ill, I used to dance around the garden with my headphones on playing 1960’s music, he was sat in his chair, having a cup of tea whilst I cut the hedges and weeded and he used to laugh at me, jiving with a brush in my hand, our Barney going mad chasing the brush.

I was telling my friend, who is interested in the afterlife, that I have this same dream every single night.

(I am waiting at a bus stop near where my grandma lived in 1959. I get on a bus and then find I am on the wrong one. I get off and don’t know where I am. It is just open fields, no houses. My phone’s battery is dead so I can’t call anyone as I don’t know their number without my mobile 'phone. I walk and walk until it get’s dark, there are no houses and then I see a phone box but I don’t know any 'phone numbers so have to ring enquiries. I give them Peter’s name and our address and she puts me through to him and he tells me to wait where I am and he will come for me.)

I then wake up in a sweat and crying because I never get to see Peter.

My friend says my dream means that I am lost and searching for Peter but before he can come for me I wake up, she says that no-one will know what will happen until my dream gets to the end when Peter actually arrives to take me home.

It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I honestly don’t think being stuck in the house every day for over two weeks helps either, one week ill the second week snowed in, too many thoughts going around in my head. I too stay in bed now, I used to get up at 6 am for our Barney but now there is no-one or nothing to get up for so it is nearly 9-30 am when I get up or earlier if I decide to go out.

I am glad you enjoyed your day out but as you say, whilst you are out, and watching people go to and fro your mind is occupied, it is when you close the front door behind you, that is when it starts all over again.

You are not alone Eileen, we are all in this together and I wish there was someway we could all meet up.

I am off to bed now.

Speak later.

Love Sheila xx

Hello Virgo825.
I feel for you. I’m going through the same. Warmest regards to you too.

Dear amelie’sgran

Although the words in your posting made me weep, I have been crying inside all day. My husband of 40 years passed away four months ago unexpectedly - we retired together on Christmas Eve 2016 with so many plans. We were very best friends from the moment we first met over forty years ago at Kung Fu; in August last year, just before he suddenly became ill, we started Tai Chi. We have two daughters and four grandchildren, although one of my daughters and two grandchildren live in the USA. Your words are so true: I do trawl the website for comfort, often reading these postings which makes me realise that I am not alone. Today, I feel very alone and cannot see a future without my loving husband, although I want to be strong for my family and get up each day trying to keep up and not be a burden but continue and be to them the person I was. But today my heart feels as though it is breaking and the step forward I took yesterday when I helped my daughter decorate feels as though I have taken half a dozen backwards today sat typing this posting.

I will also carry your words around with me because whilst I sit here crying I know that I will take a deep breath and carry on.

Godbless, SusanT

Good morning everyone!

Easter seems to have been a particularly hard time for many of us using this site but the holiday period is now over and hopefully we can all edge forwards a little.

Yesterday I came across mention of Richard Littledale who is referenced on the main Sue Ryder site. I followed the links and found that part of his blog called “postcards from the land of grief”…reading made me cry but also reinforced the knowledge that none of us are as alone as we sometimes feel. It helped me immensely and I shall return to read more. Perhaps it will help you too?

richardlittledale.me.uk/

Take great care everyone xx

Hi Amelie’sgran

I hadn’t seen your original post until today and wanted to say thanks for it. Also for posting today to bring it back up the recent threads list so others like me will see it.

Mel

It’s so nice to hear that you found Richard’s blog so helpful and emotional. If anyone else would like to read his blog posts, you can find them over on the main Sue Ryder site here: https://www.sueryder.org/media-centre/authors/richard%20littledale

We let Richard know that there had been some nice feedback about his blog, and he asked us to pass on the following comment:

“I used to hate writing postcards. On family holidays, my parents would sit us down on the first full day with a list of people who needed them and we would get the job done! Writing these particular postcards has never felt that way. To describe this unexpected landscape I am seeing has been a real help to me. The fact that it can be of help to others to read them is a real plus!”